lets just back the fuck up

the last week and this week is turning out to be a little of a nuisance to my personal life
out of the nearly 20 months lord have mercy
i worked straight for 24 hours
i hallucinated
i saw stars and not because it was at night
and although i got a pay rise, i just believe it did not justify the suffering
and, to top it off, when i walked out of the shoot at 8am
i saw that my tyre was punctured
of course right, of fucking course

so i passed out on friday night
thought i could hack a back to back rpm & pump session saturday morning
which lead me to passing out all sunday
im still aching
im still working my ass off like work is going out of fashion

its times like these where i just believe its all not fucking worth it
when im craving a holiday where i can just switch off
and not be annoyed by sms-es and calls
and not be pissed off with lame comments with no direction
and not feel like im too exhausted to talk
and not want to kill my direct

i just want to fucking bitch and whine so let me

xL

laughing man V2

yue minjun - untitled

i know that there is already a post about him

but he really is my favourite artist

its like how i can go on and on about john legend

*slight swoon*

there is no doubt that whenever i see his art, he makes me smile

he manages to hit a spot with me

no, not that spot, you filthy animals

rosebud is back

and she spent a good half hour in the early am telling me about it

the words 'karaoke', 'rice wine', 'smoking', 'dancing', 'rasa sayang', 'waltzing matilda', '7 women over 50' & 'drinking games' appeared

right

evidently she knows how to misbehave more than emosaur and i combined

but i hope that when im 50 and done with the dramas

that i'll be up in the mountains of china having the time of my life too

boracay is confirmed

however now with only 5 people

irregardless, that is significantly more than the 3 that went to cambodes

ive decided that even if no one goes,

im going to go

and swim with the sharks and drink cheap beer

and probably learn a litte tagalog along the way

xL

legendary

i think that this dancing spandex clad being is a legend

i am having much trouble staying awake at the moment
i dont know what possessed me to say
'yes, lets do singapore in less than 24 hours'
well fucking done la
but im glad i did it
because it was just great fun at the butter factory
and also cos now i know im a "23 going on 24 year old" hero

what else happened that is deserving to be blogged about?

1. i went paintballing and tested the fight or flight reflex. i believe that i am in the latter category. i am a grade A pussy when it comes to being shot with pellets. the pain isnt fun. the nearly 6 hours of fear in a jungle like war zone in tanamera was not fucking fun. if i ever get recruited in the army, show them this blog. i'll do no justice for my country.

2. we went for sunburst and loved the roots/george clinton/john legend and for the ones who stayed? incubus too. i swooned when john legend came on stage. i dont care if khadeeds thinks that he's a diva, i think he has my heart.

3. we managed to secure a holiday in boracay from the 1st till the 5th of may. we are great. this time is a bigger group of 6 people. i pray that no one comes back dead, that would be a little tragic and possibly halt another group trip.

4. the 24 hour trip to singapore is still fresh in my mind as we left at 4am and here i am at 3pm at my desk typing this out because i cant seem to understand the influx of emails coming in. i see them coming in, i read them, i just dont quite understand what i need to do with them. however, we stayed for about 4 hours in the scarlet hotel, which is fucking sexy. you can walk in and orgasm, its that hot.

5. i think i have my life sorted. but then again, it'll change again next week. so im not blogging about it. but its a good plan this one, well at least i think so...for now

xL

yes, im not that bad

so if you wanna burn yourself, remember that i love you
if you wanna cut yourself, remember that i love you
if you wanna kill yourself, remember that i love you
call me up before you're dead
and we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i'll be your friend

i got my promotion
and a sweet pay rise
which led to me thinking 'fuckers, how to leave now?'
its hardly unnecessary, but i think i'll stick around for another 6 months
a personal decision
because you cant have someone give you recognition
then throw a resignation letter in their face

so all my plans are now up in the air as, 6 months from now is
september 0.0
i still can make my masters in london
which will be good way to start 2009

we'll see la
always we'll see

we wont stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again
and just pretend that nothing ever happened
- kimya dawson, juno ost

xL

little bird told me so

so here's a quick update as i have been rather occupied with this drama called life

1. we went back to perth to say a goodbye. i doubt that ive ever totally experienced what bittersweet was until this time around. there were tears shed but never asking why it happened but instead, glad he happened to me.
2. the elections came with much fury and we were all holding our breaths. and the outcome was unexpectedly good. now we await with hesitation and hope that it will bring the change that is needed for this country
3. i swore up and down as my second ipod died. sent it back only to be charged RM30 for them to say that the hard drive is fucked and there aint shit i can do about it. i say fuck you mac city one utama....went to perth and paid AUD255 for the new classic 80GB ipod. i know, i swore to say fuck off apple.....but steve jobs convinced me the 3rd time around especially since i saved nearly RM500 on it :) bring on the cina side
4. we are eagerly awaiting kl's biggest music fest of the year, actually, ever. with me eagerly anticipating john legend and the roots. hells yes la
5. am trying my hardest to become an eco warrior. lets start the recycling process and trying not to rape mother earth too much of her resources. ill do a post of what ive been reading and how we can be a little more gratious on our short stay here on this planet
6. am finally sleeping in my own room again :) the renovation for my toilet is done. ive spent the last 2 hours de-cluttering my room and sending all my unwanted, untrendy, unfashionable clothes and accessories to those who need it.
7. have overdosed on easter chocolate. you bitches better come and claim your chocolate soon or else............davemunhussydeedee
8. am stupidly participating in a paintball war with the people i work with. godammit, it sounds like a stupid idea, but we kickbox together too....so i guess if someone wanted me elimated, it should have happened by now la....i guess :)

xL

i sing a song, i dance a dance

thank you for the emergency madness session
because the last week has been nothing short of trying
it threw some curveballs that i havent had to face for a long time
but thanks to you, you and you over there, im still standing
and to you, i'll always hold your hand and be by your side
and nothing ever will be too much

although its been trying and depressing and upsetting
i'll take all of it and times it by 3
because whatever he gave me, its worth it
its worth every single tear
and i couldnt be happier that he was once in my life

xL

rest in peace rally

i am beyond wrecked at the moment
and i dont know what to do

its not necessary to elaborate here

im going to miss him so much
especially when he was supposed to come here so soon

just when you think that everything was going alright
god just wants to snatch that fairytale right from under you

what else can you do but hope that he's okay
and that he knew that he was loved as much as he had loved

xL

when shitty times bond

the juno OST is on constant replay on my itunes
its such a chilled out happy
a little like on a substance by the beach, but not
a legally healthy alternative

we sure are cute for two ugly people
i dont see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

i wish i felt that way about someone
like a super simple non complex relationship
based on just adoration for each other, love's too complex
but after our session last night
i realised that im not the only one that faces bullshit
everyone else does, just at different degrees
its comforting to have pillars to lean on without the criticism
i like the support

we both have shiny happy fits of rage
you want more fans, i want more stage
i dont see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

its crappy knowing that life doesnt get any simpler
its like where the fuck is the gratification in getting older
getting older means getting wiser
getting wiser means knowing more
knowing more means more responsibility
not to mention how gravity will eventually be your nemesis
travelling and denial are a fab package

btw: the amazing race video has to be the most highlarious thing ever
ah much love to khadeeds, i wouldnt want to run amok with anyone else

xL

outside the box

my body couldnt take the 5 day week
so it shut down
it gave me a throat infection coupled with a congested nasal passage
so ive been on MC for the last two days
back at work on a friday is a sweet deal
now im trying to figure out how im going to weasel my way out of next week
its not that i hate work
i just like being an unemployed bum more
like following farah around 1 utama buying nose rings
you know, those kind of productive activities

work on the toilets is currently underway
after 8 odd years of living in the place
i finally dont have to take a shower in the bathtub anymore
and rose bought a house, albeit nearby
and is moving out at the end of the year
nice la

xL

holiday-ed out

there are no more holidays in february
and its pretty depressing going back to a 5 day week
i cant even fathom how i managed a 5 day week previously
its all so overwhelming now that im sitting here on a monday morning
i know, its all too dramatic

what happened since i last blogged?

1. we went to club med cherating and fell in love with white chocolate bread, an open bar and a boy named franz who did janet jackson moves better than janet jackson herself.
2. we then proceeded onto club med phuket the next weekend. i know, such jetsetters we are. the white chocolate bread was not up to standard, but instead fell in love with the clearer waters, the men in mankinis, the open bar to makan in the bottle, the girls of patong ;)
3. celebrated CNY with a whole lot of yee sang. im glad it only comes once a year, because it will be too much if it came more than once. ate too much pork, ate too many cookies and left me feeling bloated beyond belief. horded in a whole lot of angpows to compensate though :)
4. have fallen sick due to travelling and working too much, coughing like a 2 pack a day smoker. its bloody ironic since i've managed to sustain a 1-2 stick a day habit now. i sound sexy though with a rough voice
5. having to say bye byeeeee ala olivier to my sister of whom ive grown to like over her 3 month stay. we've bonded over our differences and our confusion over rosebud. yes, its quite sweet really. WHAT NOW?!
6. decided that a new year calls for a new room makeover, starting with the toilet. small eyes, i know you have toilet redecoration expertise
7. have yet to hand in my resignation. lord.
8. have managed to film our amazing race asia audition tape. yup. cross your damn fingers you'll see khadeeds and i on TV this time next year

xL

the universe will shift into a low

i am on holiday for 3 days
of what i want to be utter peace and quiet
i dont want to have to talk to anyone
neither do i want to have to participate in anything
its my 3 days off
if i decide to crawl into bed with a bottle of vodka
and hundreds of ringgit worth of happy stuff
then maybe i will
its okay, cos i have anthony
and my misery loves his company


xL

this is a story

from the warhol series by kim hoeltermand, behance

i am lost
i have no idea what to do with my life
it's blank and lifeless at the moment
and im working on routine
and i hate routine and i hate plans and i hate schedules
the only thing that is pulling me through is that it's temporary
im hoping this stupid feeling will pass and it will be blamed on january-itis
wargh
its gotten to me so much that i know i want to get out of advertising
yet, im going for an interview later to sell my soul for a few hundred more

hello satan...yes, nice to meet you again....yup, another 300 ringgit will appease me....of course i'll re-sign the contract for my soul...another 2 more years will be fine...what's that? it comes with a bonus today?....really?.....you're throwing in confusion and anger?...super! :)

damned if you do, screwed if you dont

i really need a holiday
yes, we are going away for the weekend
and we are going away the weekend after that
somehow, even the beach and an open bar doesnt seem to bring a smile to my face
maybe im hitting my quarter life crisis 2 years too early

yes, maybe thats it
oh hello denial....what?....satan sent you as a gift?.....FABULOUS :)

xL

i bite butts

i figured im just going to give you guys an update on F Day and because i believe that it should be written somewhere where it can be immortalized forever

F Day 08's menu:
1. empress chicken pie
2. RM2 of whatever you want to eat at ikea
3. carl jnr's chilli cheese fries and for the brave, the double western star cheeseburger
4. beard papa's cream puff
5. for the brave, baskin robbins
6. ktz's mango loh
7. ramly
8. ah wah's chicken wings

it was pretty impressive
i think we all managed to outdo ourselves
i felt sick the next day, as im sure everyone else did
i thank god that we don't do this on a monthly basis

another one more thing to immortalize is the sighting of isafalela
who you ask?
drive through the penchala link toll during the night and pay cash is all we have to say
and
how fast we managed to get the souljah boy crank that dance down pat

im on day 7, no cigarettes so far
i crumbled on friday night at 21
i had a full cigarette and it wasn't even that great -_-
so maybe ill be able to pull through and i wont look back at this saying
"remember that time in 08 when i tried to quit"
andden i'll chuckle and have an immediate heart attack
and die
:)

after my last post of sucking the public holidays dry,
we heard this morning that weds is another holiday for thaipusam
oh the joy :) this is the 3rd holiday of the month
it's the little things that pull us through

xL

social advertising

wet your finger and rub

category: abuse- genital mutilation

advertiser: AMAM Spain

agency: Contrapunto Barlecona

osocio

king of shark fins

category: animal rights

advertiser: ACAP

agency: JWT Shanghai

osocio

swimming pool

category: environmental
agency: Naga DDB Malaysia
ibelieveinadvertising





i want to be in this line of advertising

to be frank, im sick of doing ads for financial institutions

and no, i dont think ill be happier doing a telco or an FMCG

because no shit, it's all a con job for them to make more money

it's tiring sitting there listening how they can scrape more money out of people who are already working their asses off and trying to make ends meet

it's pathetic knowing that they get upset when a consumer is 'financially savvy'

it's frustrating having to execute based on their poor creative decision

it's sad because this has become their life and they're all scrambling for a bigger piece of the pie

which goes to show, when will the satisfaction finally hit?

yes, i know its a business

yes, i know if they don't do it, somebody else with just as little scruples will

yes, i know what i got myself into when i entered advertising

at least i can opt out of this line

at least im still young when i realised how unfulfilling this is

i want to do something with impact and will create a change

where people will look at the ad and feel something

rather than see the bottom line of where we are selling them something

i dont want to sell anything tangible

i just want to change behaviour

isn't that why you, you and you over there joined advertising?

how cynical we all are now

xL

animal bar

from the daydream series by alex landoni, behance

an update for F Day 08:

we're cutting out the all you can eat dim sum

why?

because we're fucking greedy thats why, as demonstrated on tuesday's jogoya stuffing session

the next thing you know, we're going to be scoffing cling wrap and on our 9th cup of ice cream

i know, it's a little dissapointing,

but we're not just stupid, but realistic too

an update on day 4:

i have had about 4-5 cigarettes since the patch started

all from friends of whom ive bullied into a drag

or half-1/4 cigarettes here and there before i actually stop myself

i think its getting better

im not craving a cigarette after a meal, which is where i thought i'd fall short

however saying that, im constantly chewing gum/sucking asam

you can never win

an update on kl:

we've sucked all public holidays for january dry

so we're eagerly awaiting feb 1st, which is a friday, which means long weekend

andden 7th and 8th (and a rumour for the 11th too) for cny

people have asked "how many days of leave do you get a year?"

i tell them "17"

they say "so little"

and i say "without the public holidays, which are on average 15 days a year"

*smirk*

suck on that bitches

"the cry of vacilation, the higher meditation, the sweet precipitation, the higher depravation and it wont be long, no it wont be long, no it wont be long because it can't be long " - animal bar, redhotchilipeppers

xL

day 1

although i never did make the new years resolution to quit alcohol or my smokes
i am on the damn straight path to cutting it down significantly
this of course will only probably work out until some kinda big stress situation decides to hit me

however, i am trying

i've drank only 3 times since the new year started
and yes, that includes wine at dinner
&
the lee family has bought shares in nicorette so we're all on patches now
which could lead to bloodshed and death
but we're foolishly brave that way
day 1: updated at 1.44pm --- 1/2 cigarette
ive just had a huge lunch of nasi lemak and im not craving it as of yet
:)
besides these patches are to slowly wean you off the cigarettes
not to leave you cold turkey as i tried to do 3 years back for my 21st -_-
3 years ago i was 21
WARGHHHH

the saddest part about this decision was not made based on health reasons, it was purely based on vanity. really. im that vain

Fat Day 08 has been settled
19th Jan 2008
from 12pm onwards

lord help us all

xL

1234

taken from adsoftheworld

i think i have 70% of my calm left at the moment

i dislike work

i think its because ive been pretty chilled for a month and now its all back again

and i just wanna say "fuck you assholes"

but i cant cos its this kinda bullshit that brings in the paycheck

and i just blew a fair amount of last month's moolah on a new handphone and a 2.5 hour pampering session at energy yesterday, which was so satisfactory

warghhh

i feel like the scribble up there

xL

the smiling man

'freezing' by yue minjun. he makes me smile

the brief isnt in yet, so im subjecting myself to the proust questionnaire

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
when my soul is content. at the moment, i just need to be near the ocean with the people i love

2. What is your greatest extravagence?
submission of personal freedom due to many factors

3. What is your current state of mind?
calm and centered

4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
the inability to commit

5. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
their inability to see the bigger picture

6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
success

7. What is your favourite occupation?
being the constant traveller

8. What is your most marked characteristic?
being loud and the inability to commit

9. What do you most value in your friends?
their honesty and support and patience

10. When and where you the happiest?
recently - underwater with the sharks; in general memory - with my family/friends

11. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
my hooked nose and smoke stained teeth

12. Which living person do you most despise?
despise is too strong

13. On what occassion do you lie?
when i think it's useful

14. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
ralph because that is unconditional love

15. Which talent would you most like to have?
discipline and to sing :)

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what it be?
to be able to commit to a plan

17. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
nothing, their dysfunctionality works pretty well with me

18. What is your most treasure possession?
photos and my phone

19. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
unexpected death/ goodbye-s / intolerable pain

20. Who are your favourite writers?
im liking khalil gibran now cos he makes the most sense to me at this period in time

21. Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
sleeping beauty cos she made him wait

22. Who are your heroes in real life?
rosebud

23. What are your favourite names?
mine is pretty dope

24. What is it that you most dislike?
unjust cruelty to any being

25. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
the ability to be happy on my own

26. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
probably someone from those places we laugh at, just because god has a funny sense of humour

27. If you could choose what to come back as, what it be?
a shark or a tiger

28. Where would you like to live?
tuscany and french polynesia. hands down

29. How would you like to die?
without any effort, being loved

30. What is your greatest regret?
any regret i had before i realised that regret is the most useless feeling

31. What is your motto?
live your life as you see fit, without offending anyone

i tag shorty, small eyes and dayve to take up the challenge

xL

2008 with a bang

the last sunset for 07 where we said good bye to all that unnecessary baggage that needed to be left behind


we are back from semporna

yes, we would have liked to move there

yes, our heads are still there

and yes, there was a pivotal moment, where we could go back to KL or go to KK, we chose to come back to KL

responsibility has gotten the best of us

but we're back anyways and new years started with a bang

we had 6 great dives with fantastic visibility

we saw sharks and turtles and other funky things underwater

we had great fun drinking in the new years with the goose and moet

we dance like crazy in our slippers to nirvana

we were flying by 1am...well anini and i were flying bloody high

we ate a whole lot of claypot noodles

we turned into a cowgirl, a terrorist, lara croft and lucy lui respectively

we have fucked our sleeping time and now are up at 7am

we had great fun

i found my peace and i found my calm

ive managed to place what has been done behind me and im happy

im satisfied that i hopefully carried very little negativity into 08



i hope that you guys had a bangin new years as well

a decision was made that if we are in malaysia for any new years, we're spending it diving

at the moment, i couldnt be happier

xL

take me to the place where you go

you have no idea how estatic i am that im going to sabah tomorrow
im banking on the "not-being-in-kl" part for NYE to start a new year
i think if you put me in penang on the beach i'll be pretty happy too
thats how much i need to get out of kl
the best part is, the minute i get on the plane, i close the chapter for 07
whatever has happened, has happened
ill try my hardest not to look back at 07 with misery or anger
ill try my hardest to realise that shit happens and we learn from it
AND MOVE ON

i cannot cry about what has happened anymore because frankly im exhausted
i cannot live in a drunken or drugged haze anymore because i cant make rational decisions
i cannot want to go to sleep and when i close my eyes, im haunted
i cannot irritate and frustrate the lives out of my friends anymore
basically, i just want to get over this
so i will and i promise you that the next post for the new year will be a little more positive

i think that in itself is a new years resolution enough, no?
and here are the little ones that really don't need until a new years for someone to make
1. to figure out a somewhat realistic 5 year plan of which by the time its over, im not still financially reliant on rose
2. to go to the gym a little more often
3. to reduce the smoking and the drinking - see, im being realistic as fo sho im not going to quit
4. to find a plan for 2008 and stick to it no matter what. im not even going to say what im going to do until ive finalised it
5. to find something better to do with my time than be fake to people i dont think very highly of
6. to do the audition with khadeeds gbb fool
7. stop searching for a little while and be satisfied at where im at
8. to not have any relationship with anyone :)

happy new years people
i know we're all over the place at the moment, but it was good catching up the other day.
may the new years bring you lots of happiness and love and smiles
now i dont have to send out mass sms-es right?

xL