i wanna hold your hand

so i pretty much stole every beatles song ever made last night
and now im sitting in a pretty mellow state at work
i dont know why i never just listened to them in the morning before
it would have avoided so much drama and anger
i really would have loved to live in the 60s
it was wasted on my mother
i now believe i was pre-destined to be a hippie
no more ghetto, no more pseudo french chic, no more high flying exec.
a hippie
damn straight

there are no plans for the weekend
and that is bloody sweet
i can just sit and be mellow on my own
or i can go out and party like its 1999
or i can scour bookshops and pretend to be an intellect
or i can take a 45 minute drive out and sit under a waterfall
omfg, the waterfall idea seems pretty damn dope
i'll hit you up if i wake up one morning and want to connect with mother nature

i deleted the last post
because i decided that it was too angry
and it didnt go in line with my goal to reach internal bliss
i have 93 days

dont hate on us, we're fabulous - jaheim

xL

shut up

khadeeds was right
indiana jones was the hands down the most shithouse movie of the year
i was purely just dissapointed
not even shia made me happy
thats how lousy it was
and when people tell me that they liked it,
I WANT TO KNOW WHY
and entirely because i do want to know what people liked
cos i found absolutely nothing to like about it

my rashes have miraculously dissapeared after the 2 hours in the gym
and now i look semi normal again
the weekend was a relaxing session of reading and TV
as this was the first weekend in KL since last month
so its quite nice just to do NOTHING
except on saturday night
when anini and i decided to make that night memorable
im a confirmed rockstar now :)

i usually love may
may is my month
but now im here and im glad its nearly over
silver lining is that i can look back and say
"thats when i grew up"

xL

take me on a trip

im currently experiencing an explosion of rashes
something my skin probably has never felt since the nappy rash days
its looking supremely attractive on my leathery brown skin
people at work are avoiding me like the plague
but i still embrace them with a big hug every morning
i'll probably be pulled aside soon for harassment

im in a daze at the moment
partially due to the holiday withdrawal sympthoms
but mainly due to the 3 drugs im juggling with now
drowsy is a very mild term in regards to the side effects
i knocked out at 11pm yesterday, completely missing MWM
which is long overdue with my last bottle of vodka screaming
"DRINK ME DRINK ME"
its all too tempting to pop the cap open
and pour it over ice.....
i can just taste it now
:)

tonight is indiana jones
which i am super excited about
although khadeeds told me to lower the expectations
im guessing like how i lower it with the opposite sex
le sigh
but irregardless
they are free tickets in the signature cinema
and i get to kick back in comfort with a bowl beneath my chin to catch the drool
i can just envision shia right now
*big dreamy sigh*
you never really outgrow the "crush" hormone i think

xL

knowing better

stolen from postsecret.com


my counting down response is 103 days

xL

detoxification of the heart: 2

perhentian was a good trip away
we did the things we planned to do
we dived and got a certification to do wreck diving
we smoked and were very happy and calm
we ate, probably 4 times a day
we slept and were pretty well rested
we drank and it was more happy times
we ran around in as little clothes as possible
and had our feet in water and sand all day long
we all had similar plans for going there
so there was no bitching of any sorts and we went with the flow
it was a really peaceful holiday

i left all my shitty baggage at the bottom of the ocean
no more misery, no more sorrow, and really, no more tears
i get perspective when i dive
because you realise that your shitty, on land problems are too insignificant
and life consists of a whole lot more
as long as you want to let go
so i did let go
and i realised a whole lot of things
is that even if the love is there, when you are two such different people, its not going to work
the 'click' that we both once had, its no longer there
and i was fooling myself, holding on, scraping for a little shining light
and it never came and i cried and i was dissapointed
but all that crap,
its now 60 mtrs below us on the ocean floor
and now i know better, i really know better
so hopefully you guys will never have to receive a tearful, sobbing phone call from me
well for now la
:)

im in a good place
i really got what i needed to get from this trip

xL

tick tick tock

im not going to lie
im procrasinating big time
i have a huge campaign and im procrasinating
of course tomorrow im going to be rushing like a fool
but i like tight deadlines
i work better under stress
my mind seems clearer
if i work, rest, work, rest then im all a blur

WE'RE OFF TO PERHENTIAN TOMORROW!
:D

maybe shia is hanging out there, or his twin brother
god? hello?

xL

the pink flamingo

stolen from PINB

i want to marry the man above
i want my next relationship to involve a man that looks like him
a little dirty, a little scruffy and a whole lot of sexy

gayve said, we all have our happy endings. we've been through all this damn shit, that there has to be a happy ending. so god, if you're reading this, take note that we are waiting for it....somewhat patiently....waiting for it. but until then, there's always the greens, there's always the beach and there's always shia labeouf.

xL

home is where the heart is

courtesy of anini cheah

the subang rep for angel cake house

my birthday was a blast
and this time around, i actually rememberd 90% of it
the other 10% is a little hazy but can be jogged from failing memory
thanks to all those that came by
and thanks to the one that did come in the end
that was appreciated beyond words
i wished 2 more were there
because then it would have been a perfect 24th

PD was a great spontaneous experience
the walk there and back to the hotel was an exercise on its own
twentyone was filled with love and 42 below vodka
and this weekend is perhentian
of a whole lot of sun, sand & underwater adventure
and hopefully, some serenity

the situation in myanmar and china lately has got me thanking
these people have lost their homes, their lives and most of all their loved ones
there was a story that affected me until was in tears
of how a little boy was in a tree and didnt want to go home
because his entire family was killed
he was less than 10

im truly thankful for what i have here right now
and im a lucky bitch
i have my family & i have my friends
and sometimes i look back and am amazed at our friendship
we have gone through thick and thin with each other
we have had our shitty times with each other
but its outweighed by all the great moments money cant buy
so you can tell me that the person over there owns KL
and the person over there has 10 cars
and i'll tell you "so fucking what?"
can they tell you that they have 20 people in their life
of which you can be brutally honest, tell them your innermost secret, you failures and your losses and you hopes and your dreams....
and still have those 20 people look at you the same way after that?
i dont think so

lately, ive been evaluating
and i really do value the relationships i have with people
they have been there for me through everything
i wouldnt be here right now without them
their unfailing support and loyalty
them knowing what to say and when to say it
them following through on their promises
them always, always being there for me
them taking the time to understand me
and to not want to punch my lights out
how can you want anything more from life?

so people ask me why dont i crumble and fall
and how do i still stay standing
i cant answer them
because they dont have the friends & family i have
and i cant help feel anything but sorry

i dont care if you're sick of me writing about my friends
because frankly its my damn blog
but i write about them because they are amazing human beings
and every year i look and im eternally grateful for them in my life
and you know what, im going to keep writing about them
because their individual strength, courage and love
never ever ceases to amaze me

xL

a celebration of pushing the limits

the little voice in my head is saying
"sure or nott?"
and im going hell yes

so the celebration for my birthday was fantastic
all thanks to you guys of course
on wednesday, was a session at WIP, where the love was immense
on thursday, was a session at sky bar, with eryn's friend from hawaii
on friday, i decided to push the limits a little
and go to PD for the freedom festival
i dont really care for ferry corsten or tiesto
i just wanna go
and on saturday is my shindig at twentyone

so im going to assume that im going to be dead to the world on sunday
which is mothers day
oh such fun :D

thanks guys for making it a great birthday
thanks for the wishes and thanks for the love
i couldnt have lasted 23 without my dunggus

xL

i was walking with a ghost

i love pai
pai made so much sense to me
just to chill out, eat good food and relax
it was time to switch off and reset
hands down, one of the best birthdays ever

so our 5day/4 night stint in northern thailand consisted of:
- great food. every single place we went to eat at, was good food. and cheap. cheap good food. the holiday could have ended there and we would have walked away happy
- me being amazed with the creativity of people there.
- thai massages. oh, if i only could bring one of them back with me, i would be pretty darn happy
- shooting a .45 calibre gun. it was an orgasm between my fingers
- hanging out with the elephants at the elephant camp and the lions at the lion kingdom. it wasnt zoo-like at all, so that made it even better
- 3 hours in a van up to pai that costed us RM15 per person vs RM 160 via plane. it was a faster trip that i thought
- us getting caught in the typhoon that hit myanmar made our experience in pai a rather wet and dark one, with no electricity, but an experience none the less
- straddling a motorbike up to the hot springs and around pai town.
- getting happy in the raggae bar and the dude asking us if we wanted opium :D
- stuffing ourselves with comfort food and baked goods in pai
- really just relaxing and taking it very slow. eating when we wanted to eat, being a tourist to where we saw fit and just switching off and tuning out.
- realising that kl consisted of expensive food and rather rude people
- me wanting to take 2 weeks off to do pai and laos later this year. why not, im sacrificing europe this year. south east asia is rocking my socks.

im turning 24 tomorrow and im not that elated at the prospect of celebrating me
i dont know why
usually im all psycho and happy
but its rather dull, maybe cos ive just got back from an amazing holiday
whatever la, things better look up tomorrow

emosaur and rosebud totally ESPN-ed me
my awesome AUD20 sunglasses broke on me due to some heavy white leg landing on them and broke into 3 pieces
and for some reason, this birthday, i got a rocking pair of glasses from the fam
im telling you, its a thing that only siblings can get

so i'll see you peeps on the 10th of may, at 10.30 pm at twentyone
no dress code. no necessary obligations. lets just hang out
cos i'll consider it a fab birthday with my dearest and nearest with me

xL