what i know

in the danger of sounding like a self-help book!

the past weeks have been stressful to my health
i think my physical, emotional and mental energies all went into overdrive
i did things that im not proud of
and i went through emotions that literally burnt me out
but im also on the other side now, on the landing called "okay"
each day gets easier, eventhough there is still the presence of a dull ache
saying that, that small dark presence is a reminder of what i have done and what has happened
almost like a flashing, personal reminder to never let it happen again

what has happened has allowed me to get back L time
i admit, i totally surrounded myself with people for a good 2 weeks
i called the entire world i think, from london to australia
i held onto them so tightly because i needed their support so badly but moreso i was so scared of myself
i have this stupid conscious ability to fuck myself over if i have 5 minutes alone
but this week, i spent 3 nights embracing that silence
i thought, why should i be scared of it anyway?
it's a basic human emotion that everyone goes through
shouldn't i manage my mind instead of letting it wander into depression, anger, or even loneliness?
so i managed my mind and had a long chat with myself
okay, i know i sound like ive lost the plot, but bear with me
of my fears, of what i need right now, of my position in this world
how i can better myself and also contribute back with positive energy and im getting there slowly
i haven't hit an epiphany, but im on the road to sorting it out
and im warming to the challenge
it's almost like there has been an intervention daring me to be a better person and ive taken up the dare

so each morning, irregardless if i feel good or bad when i wake up,
i ask myself what im grateful for
and i list one or two things that makes my life a fantastic one
i may not get instant gratification, but i get a little perspective
and as we know, every little bit counts

so what are you grateful for?

xL