big kess little huhg

i need to confess
im a shameless, disgusting book whore
the amount of books ive been buying is obscene
i had L time at borders yesterday, which i think is the best thing i can ever do with my free time. i throw on my ipod, and just walk like an old lady around the bookstore. i just browse. i did this on tuesday before the dentist as well.
my teeth are bright and white now, thanks for asking.

the books i bought last week:
1. the lost cities : south america
2. khalil gibran : the collected works - i did an internal squeal when i found this book. its has a simple hardcover and consists of everything he has ever published. i want to lug this when i travel, but i just dont think its a smart idea. so if you guys ever find "a tear and a smile", soft cover, buy it for me?
3. trainspotting - im going back to the good shit that i ignored during my chick lit years
4. the history of morocco - rose is hitting that up in november
5. the adrian mole diaries - need some light relief from all the heaviness of the books above
6. pop babylon - oh and you know im not shameless to admit what crap this is. its the potato chips of books. tastes so good, but no nourishment at all
7. south america by footprints - only thing that has stuck is that i shouldnt throw tissue paper down the toilet and clog up the drainage. sexy times.

and have i finished the rest of the stack of books at home?
nay
the books that i have read halfway and chucked to the side for something more interesting are:

1. merde happens
2. running with scissors
3. one of david sedaris's books

the books that have been borrowed to me and that i need to return by next week:

1. one of bill bryson's books
2. another david sedaris book

see, im a disgusting, shameless book whore
and i love it
its not my fault that im bipolar. i cant seem to control my happiness or emo-ness, so i have to get my books to adapt to my clinical disorder, although never been diagnosed.
and as you can see, ive cleansed myself of the chick lit
i was in borders and i saw all these new books by authors i used to adore, but when i saw the happy, bright, stupidly designed covers, i nearly wretched my lunch out.
i seem to have a physical reaction to everything nowadays

*
remembered that i said that i would regret doing this?
about flushing everything down the shitter and throwing on a backpack?
yea, i became my own worst enemy a few days back, haunted with thoughts of:

why am i doing this? what am i going to do with my career? do i want to be unemployed at 25? what if i need to buy a house? is this what i want to do with my money? I DONT WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE AT 30! why do i need to travel? is this even normal? im going to get mugged! im going to get kidnapped! why am i travelling chile alone? im going to miss my friends like hell. im going to miss rose even more. is rose going to be okay without me? am i going to be okay without rose? who will listen to my nonsense? what if i lose my ipod? what if i end up in hospital with food poisoning and die alone? what if he convinces me that i love children and we get married? oh holy shit, why am i travelling?

uh huh

went out saturday night, got a slap and was told to shut the hell up and toughen the fuck up.
i was like this before spain - i hesitated and i cried and i wanted to take everything back.
got to spain - cried, wanted to turn around, felt lost for a good week...then i found the wonders of sangria & 3 euro bottles of torres wine and never wanted to leave

sth america will be like that....surely?

*

bunty sent me this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii-dVIYBVZ8
it hit home because i was in a relationship that was more or less like it
the universe works in mysterious ways for us

xL