whenever im down

stolen from behance.net, by tony ariawan

i know i had a good weekend
i just cant remember all the damn details

such is growing old and trying to be the rockstar that you arent genetically modified to be

friday saw dinner at saffron, progressing to denise

saturday saw dinner at werner's which has dope dessert, the mains were so so

and then, thats when the beginning of the end started

i remember snatches of WILD, driving to PJ because in my mind it was the smart thing to do to be designated driver -_-, dec9th wanting to get smashed, hussy in a complete alternate universe, deedee being DJ, 8 jugs of long island / wickawickawild & eryn's place

and i know that it was super fun :)

and i know that there's a kid around that has photos of the night out

i just have to figure out which kid

sunday saw me trying to appreciate dimsum with rose at jaya one then going to bulldog for "the morning after" which had me going "noooo...really? seriously? wow"

and having me in bed at 9pm watching the finale to grey's anatomy

and having me go through the same cycle of emo-ness of

crying like a baby, questioning true love and hating meredith grey

basically, a self indulgent selfish weekend

:D

*

and big props to dayve for having the most horrific, glamorous, drama filled accident at la bods which saw him spending the night at UH
oh you stupid fool :)

we'll come see you and bring your pathetic ass out

*

i did major thinking this weekend
and i dont need the damn necklace from tiffany's
although i still sit at my desk dreaming about it

i'd rather have rose top up my travel fund

it was a moment of weakness, and boy, have i been having a lot of those

*

i had a friend call me on sunday
crying her heart out, wondering when she'll get that break
the break from everything, the break from the heartache, the break from the monotony, the break from wondering "what if/when will?"

i cried with her

xL

i wanna hold your hand

so i pretty much stole every beatles song ever made last night
and now im sitting in a pretty mellow state at work
i dont know why i never just listened to them in the morning before
it would have avoided so much drama and anger
i really would have loved to live in the 60s
it was wasted on my mother
i now believe i was pre-destined to be a hippie
no more ghetto, no more pseudo french chic, no more high flying exec.
a hippie
damn straight

there are no plans for the weekend
and that is bloody sweet
i can just sit and be mellow on my own
or i can go out and party like its 1999
or i can scour bookshops and pretend to be an intellect
or i can take a 45 minute drive out and sit under a waterfall
omfg, the waterfall idea seems pretty damn dope
i'll hit you up if i wake up one morning and want to connect with mother nature

i deleted the last post
because i decided that it was too angry
and it didnt go in line with my goal to reach internal bliss
i have 93 days

dont hate on us, we're fabulous - jaheim

xL

shut up

khadeeds was right
indiana jones was the hands down the most shithouse movie of the year
i was purely just dissapointed
not even shia made me happy
thats how lousy it was
and when people tell me that they liked it,
I WANT TO KNOW WHY
and entirely because i do want to know what people liked
cos i found absolutely nothing to like about it

my rashes have miraculously dissapeared after the 2 hours in the gym
and now i look semi normal again
the weekend was a relaxing session of reading and TV
as this was the first weekend in KL since last month
so its quite nice just to do NOTHING
except on saturday night
when anini and i decided to make that night memorable
im a confirmed rockstar now :)

i usually love may
may is my month
but now im here and im glad its nearly over
silver lining is that i can look back and say
"thats when i grew up"

xL

take me on a trip

im currently experiencing an explosion of rashes
something my skin probably has never felt since the nappy rash days
its looking supremely attractive on my leathery brown skin
people at work are avoiding me like the plague
but i still embrace them with a big hug every morning
i'll probably be pulled aside soon for harassment

im in a daze at the moment
partially due to the holiday withdrawal sympthoms
but mainly due to the 3 drugs im juggling with now
drowsy is a very mild term in regards to the side effects
i knocked out at 11pm yesterday, completely missing MWM
which is long overdue with my last bottle of vodka screaming
"DRINK ME DRINK ME"
its all too tempting to pop the cap open
and pour it over ice.....
i can just taste it now
:)

tonight is indiana jones
which i am super excited about
although khadeeds told me to lower the expectations
im guessing like how i lower it with the opposite sex
le sigh
but irregardless
they are free tickets in the signature cinema
and i get to kick back in comfort with a bowl beneath my chin to catch the drool
i can just envision shia right now
*big dreamy sigh*
you never really outgrow the "crush" hormone i think

xL

knowing better

stolen from postsecret.com


my counting down response is 103 days

xL

detoxification of the heart: 2

perhentian was a good trip away
we did the things we planned to do
we dived and got a certification to do wreck diving
we smoked and were very happy and calm
we ate, probably 4 times a day
we slept and were pretty well rested
we drank and it was more happy times
we ran around in as little clothes as possible
and had our feet in water and sand all day long
we all had similar plans for going there
so there was no bitching of any sorts and we went with the flow
it was a really peaceful holiday

i left all my shitty baggage at the bottom of the ocean
no more misery, no more sorrow, and really, no more tears
i get perspective when i dive
because you realise that your shitty, on land problems are too insignificant
and life consists of a whole lot more
as long as you want to let go
so i did let go
and i realised a whole lot of things
is that even if the love is there, when you are two such different people, its not going to work
the 'click' that we both once had, its no longer there
and i was fooling myself, holding on, scraping for a little shining light
and it never came and i cried and i was dissapointed
but all that crap,
its now 60 mtrs below us on the ocean floor
and now i know better, i really know better
so hopefully you guys will never have to receive a tearful, sobbing phone call from me
well for now la
:)

im in a good place
i really got what i needed to get from this trip

xL

tick tick tock

im not going to lie
im procrasinating big time
i have a huge campaign and im procrasinating
of course tomorrow im going to be rushing like a fool
but i like tight deadlines
i work better under stress
my mind seems clearer
if i work, rest, work, rest then im all a blur

WE'RE OFF TO PERHENTIAN TOMORROW!
:D

maybe shia is hanging out there, or his twin brother
god? hello?

xL

the pink flamingo

stolen from PINB

i want to marry the man above
i want my next relationship to involve a man that looks like him
a little dirty, a little scruffy and a whole lot of sexy

gayve said, we all have our happy endings. we've been through all this damn shit, that there has to be a happy ending. so god, if you're reading this, take note that we are waiting for it....somewhat patiently....waiting for it. but until then, there's always the greens, there's always the beach and there's always shia labeouf.

xL

home is where the heart is

courtesy of anini cheah

the subang rep for angel cake house

my birthday was a blast
and this time around, i actually rememberd 90% of it
the other 10% is a little hazy but can be jogged from failing memory
thanks to all those that came by
and thanks to the one that did come in the end
that was appreciated beyond words
i wished 2 more were there
because then it would have been a perfect 24th

PD was a great spontaneous experience
the walk there and back to the hotel was an exercise on its own
twentyone was filled with love and 42 below vodka
and this weekend is perhentian
of a whole lot of sun, sand & underwater adventure
and hopefully, some serenity

the situation in myanmar and china lately has got me thanking
these people have lost their homes, their lives and most of all their loved ones
there was a story that affected me until was in tears
of how a little boy was in a tree and didnt want to go home
because his entire family was killed
he was less than 10

im truly thankful for what i have here right now
and im a lucky bitch
i have my family & i have my friends
and sometimes i look back and am amazed at our friendship
we have gone through thick and thin with each other
we have had our shitty times with each other
but its outweighed by all the great moments money cant buy
so you can tell me that the person over there owns KL
and the person over there has 10 cars
and i'll tell you "so fucking what?"
can they tell you that they have 20 people in their life
of which you can be brutally honest, tell them your innermost secret, you failures and your losses and you hopes and your dreams....
and still have those 20 people look at you the same way after that?
i dont think so

lately, ive been evaluating
and i really do value the relationships i have with people
they have been there for me through everything
i wouldnt be here right now without them
their unfailing support and loyalty
them knowing what to say and when to say it
them following through on their promises
them always, always being there for me
them taking the time to understand me
and to not want to punch my lights out
how can you want anything more from life?

so people ask me why dont i crumble and fall
and how do i still stay standing
i cant answer them
because they dont have the friends & family i have
and i cant help feel anything but sorry

i dont care if you're sick of me writing about my friends
because frankly its my damn blog
but i write about them because they are amazing human beings
and every year i look and im eternally grateful for them in my life
and you know what, im going to keep writing about them
because their individual strength, courage and love
never ever ceases to amaze me

xL

a celebration of pushing the limits

the little voice in my head is saying
"sure or nott?"
and im going hell yes

so the celebration for my birthday was fantastic
all thanks to you guys of course
on wednesday, was a session at WIP, where the love was immense
on thursday, was a session at sky bar, with eryn's friend from hawaii
on friday, i decided to push the limits a little
and go to PD for the freedom festival
i dont really care for ferry corsten or tiesto
i just wanna go
and on saturday is my shindig at twentyone

so im going to assume that im going to be dead to the world on sunday
which is mothers day
oh such fun :D

thanks guys for making it a great birthday
thanks for the wishes and thanks for the love
i couldnt have lasted 23 without my dunggus

xL

i was walking with a ghost

i love pai
pai made so much sense to me
just to chill out, eat good food and relax
it was time to switch off and reset
hands down, one of the best birthdays ever

so our 5day/4 night stint in northern thailand consisted of:
- great food. every single place we went to eat at, was good food. and cheap. cheap good food. the holiday could have ended there and we would have walked away happy
- me being amazed with the creativity of people there.
- thai massages. oh, if i only could bring one of them back with me, i would be pretty darn happy
- shooting a .45 calibre gun. it was an orgasm between my fingers
- hanging out with the elephants at the elephant camp and the lions at the lion kingdom. it wasnt zoo-like at all, so that made it even better
- 3 hours in a van up to pai that costed us RM15 per person vs RM 160 via plane. it was a faster trip that i thought
- us getting caught in the typhoon that hit myanmar made our experience in pai a rather wet and dark one, with no electricity, but an experience none the less
- straddling a motorbike up to the hot springs and around pai town.
- getting happy in the raggae bar and the dude asking us if we wanted opium :D
- stuffing ourselves with comfort food and baked goods in pai
- really just relaxing and taking it very slow. eating when we wanted to eat, being a tourist to where we saw fit and just switching off and tuning out.
- realising that kl consisted of expensive food and rather rude people
- me wanting to take 2 weeks off to do pai and laos later this year. why not, im sacrificing europe this year. south east asia is rocking my socks.

im turning 24 tomorrow and im not that elated at the prospect of celebrating me
i dont know why
usually im all psycho and happy
but its rather dull, maybe cos ive just got back from an amazing holiday
whatever la, things better look up tomorrow

emosaur and rosebud totally ESPN-ed me
my awesome AUD20 sunglasses broke on me due to some heavy white leg landing on them and broke into 3 pieces
and for some reason, this birthday, i got a rocking pair of glasses from the fam
im telling you, its a thing that only siblings can get

so i'll see you peeps on the 10th of may, at 10.30 pm at twentyone
no dress code. no necessary obligations. lets just hang out
cos i'll consider it a fab birthday with my dearest and nearest with me

xL

i go i go

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing along beside you
And it looked like everyone was havin' fun
The kind of feeling I've waited so long
- digital love, daft punk

im going im going im going
oh thank the lords
im going :D

i'll see you kids in 5 days

xL

too funny

so eryn and i were at maccas drive thru yesterday
evidently quite rather happy
so here's the situ:

mcdonalds dude: aloooo
eryn: hi
L: HIEEEE
eryn: um can we get value meal 7&8
mcdonalds dude: okieee....mcchikkennn dannnnn quarter poundah?
eryn: um yes
L: erynn...get milkshake, get milkshake..erynnn
eryn: oh yeah, change the coke to milkshake
mcdonalds dude: okieee..milkshake dua....chokolate atau banilla?
eryn: vanilla
mcdonalds dude: okies, terima kasihhhh!
eryn: thanks
L: THANK YOU!
mcdonalds dude: okiee..NITEY NITEY!
eryn: huh?
mcdonalds dude: NITEY NITEY!!!
*eryn and L proceed to piss our pants laughing*

5 seconds later, pulling up to the payment counter, totally maintain

mcdonalds dude: alooo....RM19.90 cik
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
19.90 AND NOT NITEY NITEY

god
its just situations like this where you had to be there
good times
good fucking times

xL

its been 7 years

i know i go through this about 3 times a year
and usually, before my birthday
but its been 7 years since i graduated MLC
7. fucking. years
7 years since:

- i had to share a bedroom
- i had to share a bathroom with 12 different girls
- i had to stop smoking out of the window, apparently we clogged the drainage
- i realised that taiwanese ppl and i do not get along
- that i could sorta interact if i needed to
- that i wasnt that flash in maths or economics
- that girls were my best friends and worst enemies all at the same time
- that we thought that life would be so much better if we didnt have to stay in a boarding house
- that i decided not to sit for my 5th paper in politics and draw smiley faces instead
- i gave rosebud absolute hell
- since i graduated school
- that we had amazing dreams of the man who we were going to be with, the jobs we were going to rule and the money we were going to make

and now, 7 years later...
we've made it past university and attained that sacred degree
we all have jobs that pay nothing
we all are trying to figure it all out
we're all thinking WHAT NOW?!

now that i think back, im still as confused as i was 7 years ago
with probably more things to think about
and worst of all, more things to be responsible for
oh my god
i dread to think what im going to be like 7 years from here
i'll be.....31 -_-
the anti wrinkle cream, the botox and the boob job are going to be much more of a reality

*hits head repeatedly on desk, whilst mix fm plays in the background, muttering "im living the dream, im living the dream..."*

xL

because i can

ive decided
that there is no way i cannot celebrate my 24th
i cant
there is no way
eventhough the agreement i made with myself was:
to be in a different country every year to celebrate my birthday
well im sorta doing it this year
HELLO CHIANG MAI, THAILAND!
SAWADEEKA!
i have to do one big bash with my friends
cos they are the shizzle and no birthday will be the same without them

so im securing ALL OF YOU on the 10th of may, saturday

place to be confirmed
time to be confirmed
theme is : take it back to the old skool

xL

how much?

its common knowledge that people in advertising are like prostitutes
our services get sold to the highest bidder
we remove our moral compass and beliefs
and if they say sell cigarettes to young children
we say 'what a freaking great idea!'
and come up with an award winning campaign
to entice people to take up the cancer stick
prostitutes and whores we are
and we're damn proud to carry that label too
cos if anything, we dont do it half arsed


however, managed to see the new coke campaign
and its pretty damn amazing
so please check it out at
http://adsoftheworld.com/media/tv/cocacola_zero_tongues_eyeball_and_finger
its a full campaign with 4 commercials
it reminds me of that beer campaign in australia with the tongue
i remember the ad, but not the brand

*

apparently ignorance is bliss
so im going into a selfish non caring state
humour me okay


xL

he had delusions of adequacy said kerr

i wrote an uber long post of absolute misery and despair
but i cant be bothered to publish it
because it's just another damned memory of my weakness

we all know what is going on
and you especially, had the chance to rectify it
and i'm telling you that you've lost your chance
im not waiting to be happy again with you
cos you havent made me happy in awhile
you last chance has been shot to hell
at least i walk away knowing that i tried

and on a happier note
im taking my own personal isolation trip to chiang mai
maybe that will sort things out
i havent travelled on my own in awhile
maybe i'll get some perspective back

and if that doesnt fall through
i have another holiday two weeks after
that has been planned, booked and paid for by hussy
we're all going this time
anini, aunty bunty, hussy, dec9th, and the pretend malay
and we're going to dive
and sit on the beach
and hopefully get some resemblance of sabah
cos sabah rocked our socks

*
i stand by what i said in january:

30. What is your greatest regret?
any regret i had before i realised that regret is the most useless feeling

and i wont regret what has happened because after the storm has passed,
i'll know better
or so they tell me

he had 24 hours
and now the role fool has been changed from me to him
i dont carry that label anymore
i have my own clean slate

xL

what a-holic?

im feeling really sick now
maybe because its raining and i want to be in bed
but im thinking its because ive OD-ed on horlicks
i just decided to have 3 big mugs of horlicks
i cant explain this random act of stupidity
maybe because i went to go to the tax place today
which, as scary as the thought may be, was actually a pleasant experience
they spoke english
they were efficient
and
there was no one there

HAH
i just feel that little bit smarter than the procrasinators who are going to wait till the 30th :D
*beam*

the horlicks incident today made me remember a joke:
"if you call someone who loves alcohol, an alcoholic....then what do you call someone who loves horlicks?"

yeah, stumped you right?

x a very, very, very bored L at work

mundane-itis

i felt like a bus ran over me when i woke up this morning
which was god's little wake up call of love
"morning L, its MONDAY, lets make you feel like shit"
thanks
however, this weekend i experienced socialising again
after 3 odd weeks of being a social recluse
work decided to hand me back my personal freedom
how goddamn sweet they are
i got my bonus though, that was nice
see this what happens - i bitch&whine&moan, threaten to quit
then they buy my soul back at a price
everyone can be bought

on top of that, ive been experiencing an array of characters that seem to be part of the 'let's fuck L up' army. yes, im that self-involved of which i believe everyone wants to fuck me over:

1.
my kickboxing instructor. as much as i thank him for making me want to be a killing machine, he is a fucked up character. i was with the understanding that we base our relationship on honesty. i tell him how much i love my cake and he wont lie about the reps. i hate it when he says 30 and when you're done, he goes "AND 5 MORE".
no. you said 30, not 35 -_-
L has enough energy for only 30. if i knew it was 35, i would have eaten more cake

2.
women drivers. im so sure ive given the public at least 20 good reasons to want to kill me. and im a woman driver, so i have the authority to comment.
women.drivers.are.indecisive.bitches
you can only go 4 ways, make up your fucking mind

3.
children with shoes that squeak. its those damn shoes of which every step they take is a ssssqqquuueeeeakkkkk. oh my fucking god. seriously. come on.
i cant elaborate anymore on this matter. i blame it on the parents.
they are just producing children who are going to have ADD and are going to kill their fellow peers when they realise that they are just mediocre.
they are, i swear.

4.
i dislike everyone that decides to go to velvet, that has now put me off velvet. i'll reference this post when i feel like going there again. the only silver lining is that ravin the bartender still remembers me and still gives me free shots.

i think this is enough negativity for a monday
as monday oozes with negativity on its bloody own

however, i managed to meet up with people this weekend
we saw each other....TWICE!
for a saturday dinner at delicious
for a sunday raju's session that lasted 3 hours. after of which we exited raju's smelling like raju himself.
hussy and i then came to the conclusion that TSBsundays have to be reinstated
for the strive of a sweeter personal odour

okaythanksbye

xL

L says so

i cant be bothered to write in this because ive done nothing
ive been only productive in the career section of my life
everything else seems to have grinded to a halt
lucky me
anti-social me

1. phillipines has been cancelled much to everyone's dismay. its too expensive, it takes too long to get there, we need more time, we need more money!

2. phillipines has been replaced with pai and chiang mai over the 1st till the 5th of april. its only 5 days/4 nights...but i think thats efficient enough....we did hanoi in the same time frame.

3. a dive trip this weekend seems to have been placed aside for another weekend. instead being replaced with me hunting down people and making them hang out with me :D

4. im trying to commit myself to the gym more. ive only being going on a maximum twice a week and i can feel the muskle turn to fat. fuck feeling it, i can see it. ew

5. the commitment to the gym is intensifying based on the fact that ali and i have become addicted to the flavour of the month in baskin robbins. cashew something. we went there last night and it was sold the fuck out. goddamn, im glad we're not the only ones in kl.

6. im pre-occupying myself with text twirl on facebook. goddamn my vocabulary better be extensive after this

7. L needs a holiday now. L will send in her resignation letter in August. L says so....

WARRGGGGHHH

and hollaa to bisous ralphinder cao
awwww *tear*

xL