out of reach

i have less than 12 hours until my great escape
im crazy excited and hopefully it will give me a better grasp of what i want to do september onwards....either that, or fuck me up completely, leaving me totally lost...again
then again, if you don't try, you'll never know :)

in 12 hours, i get to
- turn off my phone
- go "email? work? RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"
- listen to my ipod and read a book
- lie in a hammock
- hear the waves and feel the sand
- get blind drunk and dance barefoot
- hang out down below the ocean and find my zen
- portray myself as the 'healthy, sporting' type and abseil
- be as silly as the situation calls for
- run around in as little as possible because we can
- build sandcastles
- find hot tattooed boys with full sleeves because i sure as hell can
- cross my fingers and hope to find that all encompassing happiness that you feel from your little toe to the top of your head

saying that, ive become comfortable with being in kl again
im going to crawl out of my socially reclused shell soon
i better stop with these little bouts of escapism
cos im very close to escaping so damn much that i cant differentiate between what i should be doing, need to be doing, or want to be doing
someone i truly respect, sat me down one day and told me
"i cant remember my 20s, because i spent it chasing. i chased everything i could - career, love... i cant remember my 20s, because i never appreciated the moment for the moment. if you want to do something, then do it. dont think about 'the future' or its 'consequences'. just do it"
holla.

i dont think im chasing anything
maybe im just looking for moments that will make my 20s
or maybe i should just stop looking and let them come to me?
my great moments had no planning
ah its all too philosophical for me right now
live and let live i say

xL