cherry cola

i personally thought that the SATC movie was no fun
i totally preferred the series in comparison
maybe because they decided to stretch it to 2.5 hours
of which i even took a cigarette break in between, freaking dee out
it gave me no comfort at all towards the future
you have these 4 women, all of whom are successful in their own right
and they then go back and say "thats cool" to the men that cheated on them and left them more or less at the altar?
really? how about hell no?
and the fashion wasnt that fab and the script wasnt all that witty
maybe SATC should have left its legend behind as "6 great seasons", rather than "6 great seasons followed up by the studios trying to cash in on a movie, which was half arsed"
did seinfeld make a movie? no.
or maybe this is what happens when you watch the dark knight, nothing can live up in comparison anymore

my travel plans are finalised
mainly because i have cut out all the factors that are determining its success
like the people im travelling with because they are proving to be rather...indecisive
so here goes (for the moment):
sept: phillipines & new zealand
oct: KL to settle visas & peru
nov: chile & argentina
dec till mid jan: colombia, venezuela & brazil
im thinking 6 countries in 3 months is a little ambitious
but, goddammit im going to try
ive made wikitravel.org my bible

and because i decided not to do my masters anymore, i have the luxury of time
so nothing should stop me from continuing my quest to central america
all i have to do is go to colombia and cross to panama and say hola bitches :D
or catch a flight to cuba with a pit stop in jamaica
knowing my luck, ill be caught in a drug ring...which could be an experience
or i could keep on dreaming :) im not that delusional yet

singfest this weekend
48 hours with khadeeds
thats right

xL

drift away

i am not planning my travels anymore
its getting all too damn complex
i dont know how i turned something this simple
into a web of absolute absurdity
wwwwarrgggghhhhhhhh
i think i need to learn how to just go with the flow

it was terri's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. she didn't stop crying, chach cried cos she was crying and i started crying cos i was pms-ing :) but it was beautiful and i was just happy to be there and experience it with her. awwww...stupid weddings...for about 24 hours after that i actually believe in love, god and marriage. all of which i can hold a debate about its meaning and existence. but nevertheless, after all ive seen her go through, im glad she ended up marrying him.

hassi has officially left to the jungle. we sent her off by stuffing our faces with wendy's. which i found a thrill on its own. im sure she'll be fine. she has a knife 0_0. we now have to pray for the people she is going with

i have one month left to straighten everything out. to get my visas. to figure out to masters or not to masters (yes, over the weekend, it has turned into an internal conflict). rose is insisting that i make a stopover in KL before i proceed on to the 2nd leg of my quest to conquer the world. she thinks that ill need to rest and "get clean". then there is him...isn't there always a him? i dont know where it's all going, but it feels good. like the gut feeling good. and he acknowledged that im not that normal, that im not all that girly and that there is a high chance of me flaking out. he's still on the ride though :) thats why there's still butterflies.

xL

crawl out your window

you know its been a big night when:

1. you've been consistently drinking for 6 hours
2. you decide that your drinking partner is irish
3. everything is just whirling around you
4. you've successfully mixed wine, whisky and beer
5. it takes you longer than 5 minutes to figure out how you ended up at this bar
6. you make the toilet your friend
7. your drinking partner winds down the car window to sing bob dylan at the top of his lungs at 3am
8. "good for you, good for me!" ends every sentence
9. you bring home the glasses from the bar
10. he thinks its a grand idea to wait for the sun to come up and have breakfast with rose
11. you wake up the next day and your face is still red from the alcohol
12. you wake up the next day still drunk
13. you still smell like alcohol after a hot shower
14. rose knocks on the door and asks why is he on the couch hugging the pillow while bob dylan blasts from your laptop, when he could be sleeping in a bed?
15. this post takes you 45 minutes to write

i probably havent been this wasted for over a year. i was even pretty decent on my birthday. its nearly 4pm the next day and the hangover hasnt kicked in yet...so im still trying to decipher if im still drunk.

i dont know how south america is going to pan out, knowing im going with him and 2 other guys who dont blink an eye to having a jug of beer. each. for. breakfast. i'll probably have a righteous blast, the downside? i wont remember it at all :)

xL

to lick your heart

the dark knight was pretty fucking amazing in all aspects
i just sat there for 2.5 hours and i think that was the quietest ive ever been in a movie
i was pretty absorbed by heath ledger being the joker that i forgot the rest of the cast
to the point where i forgot it was the batman sequel....
then christian bale appeared in his tight black suit
and well, you get the point la
the movie will be bagging in those awards dude come awards season

khadeeds and i are hitting up singfest!
we're gonna bop our heads to jason mraz, emo with one republic, appease our inner 80s child with rick astley, get soulful with alicia keys and possible shake our asses to pussycat dolls
i dont know why i wasnt a copywriter
it'll be a blast next weekend

my brain has officially given up on me
i handed it my resignation and it seemed to have an immediate effect
i pretty much dont really give a shit anymore
i see work as something to fill my time with 3 hr lunches
:)
nevertheless, i did tell them i'd endeavour to see that my jobs are completed and will be handed over smoothly :) i aim for a great referral letter

they also told me when my last day is
i mis-calculated by a week
i shouldnt have taken so many holidays,
then i could have cashed in my leave for an early release
now L's travel timeline is delayed by a week
le sigh

palau from the 6th of sept anyone?

xL

little pink pills

i have to understand that when travelling you should not plan
and im telling myself that whilst im doing up an excel spreadsheet
of cost, time and fucking predicted weather circumstances
this is what happens when you work
you become a control freak that cannot leave anything to chance
especially in advertising
you cannot, cannot, cannot rely on any factor for the job's success
outdoor photoshoot?
find the biggest, industrial strength fan to blow away the rain clouds
crazy, non-negotiable timeline?
turn into a crying, pleading, shouting dictator that shows no mercy
product launch in 2 weeks?
make a deal with god and satan at the same time
easy fucking peasy

this week was the first week in at least 2 months where i have not been running around like a headless chicken
and trust me when i tell you that it feels super to sleep for 12 hours
and it feels even better not having to look at the clock and wonder why its 8pm already when the last time you looked, it was 9am?
and it takes the cake when you look in the mirror and dont look like death warmed up
but the glory of it all seeing the press ads and all the collaterals (that you worked your ass off for) that's sitting pretty in the branches
yeah, job satisfaction, thats what i aim for

i was going to type, remind me of this post when im bitching abut a campaign
but i forgot
i leave in 6 odd weeks :D

xL

smitten

i dont care, this is my damn blog, so its going to fucking have the sun shine out of its arse
i wouldnt have guessed 10 days ago, that i'll be sitting here all happy
and i mean, disgustingly, annoyingly happy
ive finally got my plans in order!
ive finally resigned!
i have 47 days till i get to jump on a plane and fuck out of here :)
not that i dont love KL, but you guys get it
my biggest stress and hesitation for resigning and leaving was that i didnt have anyone to travel with and that concerned rose a fair bit
so i came up with grand plans of raleigh international in costa rica
i had plans to surf and dive in bali for 2 months, which is still my backup plan
i had plans to backpack the states and sleep on friend's couches
i had plans for studying mandarin in beijing
now i have a grand plan which triumphs all the plans above
and i have people to do it with :)

the best part of it all was that they came down to KL last weekend
we hung out, we ate half of KL, we drank half of KL dry, we got stuck in jams and they met rose of who thought they were pretty decent :D
so i have a plan for september which should take me to mid october
of which i plan to get back to KL and sort out london 2009
then im off to a country that has been on my mind for awhile to celebrate new years with a bunch of people that i met 10 days ago
i understand that for normal people there are hesitations
but ive been wanting to do this and its like god threw it in my face and said "here you go, a little gift, enjoy"
sure, they could be serial killers
sure, they could get me into a lot of trouble
sure, they probably have no boundaries either
and sure, i could get eaten by a donkey

and then there's him
of who brought the butterflies back

sickening right?

xL

i did it

i finally threw it in
and its very bittersweet
because i do truly like what i do and i do truly love the people i work with
i like that i can come in whenever i want, dressed however i want
i like that i was recognised so early in my career
i like that they can trust me to handle the job
i like that i didnt even consider this industry
but i came through 2 years later, a better person than when i started

i dont mind the clients sometimes
i dont mind the 20 hour days
i dont mind the crazy workload
so it was hard when he asked "why do you want to leave?"
i had no good reason, i had no good answer
the most puzzling thing is why am i leaving the place that i love so much?

ill probably regret this a little in the next two months
im sure i will
i always do this to myself
i have something good, then i get comfortable, then i freak out
whatever it is, this decision i made for myself will challenge me
and at 24, im all up for the challenge
because i may think that im alright now, but there is so much room to be better

goddammit, i survived the last two months now didnt i?
maybe 2008 didnt pose that many difficulties
maybe it just threw me a few curve balls...
to see if i could handle being a stronger, better person
as someone said to me, god doesnt throw you what you cant handle

xL

see how they fly

stolen from postsecret.com

i know that ive been such a bitch about aging
that ive concluded that i need botox
and that im going to use all my savings on a boob lift
probably i will
but at the same time, ive seen some beautiful faces
with just wrinkles around the eyes from smiling
and ive thought that it must be so liberating being proud of that rather than trying to conceal it
it has showed that you have lived
probably through heartache, but many laughs and smiles too,
and you've embraced everything life has offered you
*
had dinner with hussy last night
and we both thought that it was odd, but fortunately weird
that we all know that we're going to end up in a retirement village together
everyone who was there when this conversation happened, no one questioned it
it was almost as if going
"yeah, we're going to be together when we're 70, probably as sinful and debaucherous, as loud and as crazy, still not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks. that we would be happy together"
we assumed would have gone through our 3rd divorce? or be a bitter widow? a single woman?
i dont have another group of people that i have this faith with
and it comforts me so much that at 70, i'll be looking at either one of you, reminiscing about "way back when"
but please, make sure that i die once i lose my memories and my mind and have my ashes scattered on a beach somewhere
*
god, a little emo for a thursday afternoon

xL

koh tao :)

koh tao is pai on the beach
i got everything that i planned to get from this trip
every single item that i wrote about in the previous post?
i got it all plus more ;)
i have this constant goofy smile on my face right now
and im sure its going to annoy an entire lot of people
but you know what?
fuck it :D

koh tao had a million great moments of which:
- i danced barefoot under the moonlight and a blanket of stars. of which totally represented every single word in mr. tambourine man. we ran in at midnight to red hot chili peppers and floated, just totally in love with the moment.
- the first night in koh tao, i had an intense moment with the ocean. i stood on beach, just in silence absorbing all her glory. if the ocean was a man, we would have the most passionate relationship. i had the craziest, almost posessed moment where i needed to run in. and i did :)
- the buckets. 250 baht. apparently still pretty expensive, but gave us great fun
- diving. it gave me what i needed. diving to me is like mcdonalds. the reassurance of getting that calm zen where every single one of your worries melts away and you just go "i get it now, thanks god, i get it now"
- we ran around in nearly nothing. a totally liberating feeling
- met a entire lot of gorgeous people. no old fat german men, with sunburnt bodies :)
- everyone was backpacking. all probably either escaping or looking for that moment. and its pretty safe to say that everyone who went there got what they went there to get. i did
- abseiling down a 33 metre cliff and cliff jumping in after that. the rush wasnt as intense as i expected but nevertheless, still a great feeling cos the view was amazing
- met someone pretty special. it was passionate and we connected on a crazy level. it brought me back to being a teenager, where you just didnt give a fuck about what anyone else thought, and was just fulfilled from the moment itself. eloping was a possibility in my mind. i want to go on about this, but i want to keep it to myself as well. it was one of my most happiest experiences, because it was one of the most pure ones. nothing dirty, nothing sleazy, just the beauty of connecting with another human.
- the whole trip, we ate like 5 meals. for me, i just had no appetite, almost as if every one of my senses was satisfied. filling my body with food was just not on my mind.
- the bastards of sandflies from perhentian found me. but i was prepared with medication this time. ate one at 3pm, at 8pm, i looked at my food and went "fuck this, too much effort". could not do it.
- sitting at the bar that overlooked the sunset, with a chang in my hand and listening to jack johnson. so very cliche, but did it for me.
- hung out with 4 other people who made the experience just crazy fun. it's great to connect with people from the other side of the world, who just get you.
- got that all encompassing happiness, where every single sorrow i had, just melted away.
- i know what to do in september
- realised that anita and i do have boundaries and we are not as dangerous to each other as people assume that we are going to be. so nyeh.
- too many other smaller moments, of which im not going to write about, but made the trip
- developed a really disgusting hate for koh samui. no major bad experience, just really, really bad energy from that place. it just emitted something i did not want in my life.

im done writing about this
i fell in love with the entire trip
if this is what my 20s is supposed to be about, then just watch me milk it for all its worth for the next 6 years

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're all drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all precious gifts
But you'd better take your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
- bob dylan, like a rolling stone

x the happiest L for a very long time

out of reach

i have less than 12 hours until my great escape
im crazy excited and hopefully it will give me a better grasp of what i want to do september onwards....either that, or fuck me up completely, leaving me totally lost...again
then again, if you don't try, you'll never know :)

in 12 hours, i get to
- turn off my phone
- go "email? work? RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"
- listen to my ipod and read a book
- lie in a hammock
- hear the waves and feel the sand
- get blind drunk and dance barefoot
- hang out down below the ocean and find my zen
- portray myself as the 'healthy, sporting' type and abseil
- be as silly as the situation calls for
- run around in as little as possible because we can
- build sandcastles
- find hot tattooed boys with full sleeves because i sure as hell can
- cross my fingers and hope to find that all encompassing happiness that you feel from your little toe to the top of your head

saying that, ive become comfortable with being in kl again
im going to crawl out of my socially reclused shell soon
i better stop with these little bouts of escapism
cos im very close to escaping so damn much that i cant differentiate between what i should be doing, need to be doing, or want to be doing
someone i truly respect, sat me down one day and told me
"i cant remember my 20s, because i spent it chasing. i chased everything i could - career, love... i cant remember my 20s, because i never appreciated the moment for the moment. if you want to do something, then do it. dont think about 'the future' or its 'consequences'. just do it"
holla.

i dont think im chasing anything
maybe im just looking for moments that will make my 20s
or maybe i should just stop looking and let them come to me?
my great moments had no planning
ah its all too philosophical for me right now
live and let live i say

xL

shut the door baby, dont say a word

i had the best weekend since sipadan
and ive been waiting for this weekend for a damn long time
i believe my patience paid off cos it rocked my socks
i think i spent nearly 5 hours dancing like a madwoman
progressing from urbanscapes to market place
urbanscapes was a pretty awesome event that i thought was really well managed
well done khadeeds :)
and because it was pretty spread out, you didnt have to face congestion
and you didnt get your face rubbed in someone's armpit
cos we all know how sexy that is
and the company was great company, all just enjoying the music
so i started with lapsap around 9 progressing to TAG around 10 and moving to market place around 12 to play with the most beautiful men in KL
4 chicks, a crowded sea of gorgeous half nekkid male bodies
hello? who also dont want la
and they were such fun because they were totally layaning us as we were equally layaning them
it's just all so terribly ironic
but who doesnt want a man telling you that you look like a combination of kimora and gong li with luscious legs to salsa with?
i swooned. i did. and it wasnt because of the RM65 jugs of long island

sunday proved to be a painful and trying experience
of trying to keep up with a family shopping spree in gardens & bangsar
with a massive, nauseous hangover
i like hanging with the family
a little crazy, very loud and totally irrational
but we get on pretty well and there is the love :)

i have 4 more days
4 more days until we create absolute mass havoc across the border
4 days till someone is going to have to get us from jail or immigration
4 days
dammit i deserve it

xL

6 days

last night was the first time i walked into a shop and not felt the obligatory responsibility to buy restrictive work clothes (read: black pants and white shirts)
and it was a fantastic feeling (read: resignation letter)
so i horded in bikinis, dresses, tops with stupid slogans and shorts like there was no tomorrow
i bought clothes based on their durability, weight and easy cleaning materials(read:backpacking)
because im off in 6 days for 6 days!! (read: diving, rock climbing & alcohol)
and im on a sickening high because of it
and im sure im irritating the shit out of ppl as well

so after the 1.5 hrs of spending more than i earn
we ended up watching wanted
which is one of the most action packed movies ive watched in a while
the script is a little hardcore
but angelina jolie, good lord, so hot, so damn fucking hot
i could go on about my new tattoo that i have in my mind
but i'll leave that for another post, another time
you need to watch it
it's probably not going to move you in any significant manner, but it's bloody entertaining
*
i ended up at the australian embassy this morning
a few months ago, there was a different intention to re-new
but this morning, that intention wasnt there and i went because i thought why not?
so they re-newed it for another 5 years till 2013
it seems redundant now, but im sure will provide some benefit later on
*
i was reading about the summer solstice that happened at the stonehedge this year last week
which got me thinking about summer '06
when i experienced that in tenerife and how everyone ran into the ocean at midnight because it was believed that if you did, all your wishes for the year would come true
i cant say if it did or didnt, but it was a pretty amazing experience
to lie on your back floating in the ocean, watching the fireworks explode above you
yeah, that was pretty damn sweet
i like living in the past sometimes, its a comfortable denial of present reality
*
emosaur gets back this weekend
then she's off with rosebud to cambodes to eat happy pizza
i hope she manages to pull that off
cos if she does, she'll gain some intense respect

xL

bang bang

im going to be the renegade* in this stupid battle of the universe vs. L

"Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow"
- mr tambourine man, bob dylan

im going to do exactly that in 2 weeks. okay, 11 days :D
and i have...69 days

*for those who are in the know ;)

xL

what i know

in the danger of sounding like a self-help book!

the past weeks have been stressful to my health
i think my physical, emotional and mental energies all went into overdrive
i did things that im not proud of
and i went through emotions that literally burnt me out
but im also on the other side now, on the landing called "okay"
each day gets easier, eventhough there is still the presence of a dull ache
saying that, that small dark presence is a reminder of what i have done and what has happened
almost like a flashing, personal reminder to never let it happen again

what has happened has allowed me to get back L time
i admit, i totally surrounded myself with people for a good 2 weeks
i called the entire world i think, from london to australia
i held onto them so tightly because i needed their support so badly but moreso i was so scared of myself
i have this stupid conscious ability to fuck myself over if i have 5 minutes alone
but this week, i spent 3 nights embracing that silence
i thought, why should i be scared of it anyway?
it's a basic human emotion that everyone goes through
shouldn't i manage my mind instead of letting it wander into depression, anger, or even loneliness?
so i managed my mind and had a long chat with myself
okay, i know i sound like ive lost the plot, but bear with me
of my fears, of what i need right now, of my position in this world
how i can better myself and also contribute back with positive energy and im getting there slowly
i haven't hit an epiphany, but im on the road to sorting it out
and im warming to the challenge
it's almost like there has been an intervention daring me to be a better person and ive taken up the dare

so each morning, irregardless if i feel good or bad when i wake up,
i ask myself what im grateful for
and i list one or two things that makes my life a fantastic one
i may not get instant gratification, but i get a little perspective
and as we know, every little bit counts

so what are you grateful for?

xL

teenage bride

i deleted the last post
the rate im going right, im not going to have anything on this blog
*
wes anderson is magic
he is one of my favourite storytellers
i loved him from rushmore
and he is one of the directors where i wait in anticipation for his movies
and im really quite bias as well
whatever he does, i love
and i loved the darjeeling limited
it wasnt as quirky as steve zissou but i can forgive him
i like that he has such simple stories of imperfection
i like imperfection
imperfection to me means that the person has got character
who wants someone who has no faults? faults make people interesting
no one i know is perfect and we have a ball of a time
*
im liking joe dassin at the moment
he's pretty classic and happy
and i truly believe that desmond jones was gay
obladi!
*
i closed a chapter today
and it was a step closer to personal happiness
im back to okay. i like okay
i think im hanging here for a little while
its a comfy little spot, a little quiet, but maybe i need reflection time anyway

xL

what goes around....

i think that we should be given a day off for the weekends
i somehow always, get to work on monday
and feel like ive been dragged and pulled for the last 2 days
maybe its because im abusing my body
and this is the only way it can get back at me
but nevertheless,
in the true celebration of having everlasting, memorable moments:

- drove all the way to serendah. which is near rawang. which is 45 minutes away from KL. rosebud has a whole lot of development there and i remember visiting it 15 years ago and it was just HUTAN, but now, its this mass of development. i get that we need it, but its a goddamn eyesore. remember i needed the waterfall? i got my waterfall, with a little trekking and walking through a MIC meeting in progress.
there is also this place there, which has to be the most minimalistic progressive retreat i have seen in kl. go to: http://www.serendah.com
good for us, we get to sit in a glass house and think
- got yi mun. oh god, enough said already
- believed that going to 21 was a great idea, which proved me wrong because there were certain people that i bumped into that i thought i would never have to see again. im on stage 2 of turning into a social recluse
- had a session that started off with a need to rid of a problem that all of us were facing. but it turned out to be us, just sitting there, and enjoying not having to deal with it. denial, i guess can be a blessing in disguise, sometimes.
- me re-visiting what should have stayed in the box. moment of weakness. moment of weakness

but instead of me moaning and groaning, lets celebrate yesterday of which god brought palap hapsap into the world ;)
woman - i could say so much right now, but im not going to. because its tearful and emotional and heartwarming. it will be like a hallmark card on speed. but i love you with all my heart and i think you know the reasons why. without you in my life, there wont be that much colour, drama and love, of which you know we cant live without. i can only wish you all the happiness, laughter and great moments that you deserve for your 24th :)
wait by the mail box ar....like a dog on crack * BIG BIG HUG*

you know, sometimes you think its all bad. then something comes along, and it makes you smile. then you sit back and go "okay, i can get through today".

xL

sticking to your guns

beach woman

boogie

desert redhead

these were done by this fantastic woman called asako

of whom i had the pleasure of knowing for the last 9 years

she stuck to her guns

she knew art was what she going to do

so she starved, loved, sacrificed, hated and fought to keep that alive

i truly respect her for all she has done and the work that she has created

xL

my final concension

i have given up
i dont want to fix things anymore
im quite sick of coming up with theories
im really sick of trying to make myself feel better
im not going to play dirty or serve revenge on a cold platter
because i only have this little ounce of dignity left and am leaving with that
im just going to accept that this is the lousy card that life has dealt
so god, please forgive me if i dont accept this graciously
that im going to scream and pen down blasphemous thoughts
and that im probably never going to see the golden gates of heaven
but thats okay, cos im cutting out the denial here
it's happened, thank you and now ill just move on with dealing with it
it was a well orchestrated wave of absolute emotional heartache
you deserve a gold star
*
on another note of current affairs
the petrol hike has taken everyone by a terrified storm
we're asking the questions and we're needing a better answer
this is one change that they didnt prepare us for that is going to hit everyone squarely in the jaw. and my heart goes out to those who already couldnt make ends meet
there are a number of ways the government can deal with this
because there is a substantial amount of people who are pissed off
but they're not going to do so
sometimes i think that they are missing the bigger picture, consciously or not
you are a government, with the intention to rule the country to its best potential
you have 20 million people under your belt who look to you to do your best, within the best intention of the majority in mind,
but somehow, this fell through the gaps or was kicked off the agenda
probably when the greed for more money and more power kicked in
human nature leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
*
im with hussy
if i make it to december, i want a " i survived 2008" shirt too
i think ive crossed the line
i moved from anger, hate and bitterness to now being jaded
because isnt being jaded one of the feelings of those who conceded?


xL

and i say GO GO GO

dictionary.com says:
es·cap·ism

Show Spelled Pronunciation[i-skey-piz-uhm] Pronunciation Key
–noun
the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.

wikipedia.com says:
Escapism is mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant aspects of daily stress. It can also be used as a term to define the actions people take to try to help relieve feelings of depression or general sadness.

*
im re-reading scar tissue
this book hits me in so many ways that a book never has
i first read it 2 years ago in madrid
and i bought it only because it was the only english book the store sold
i loved it, so i gave it away when i was done
then i came back to KL and realised that i needed it in my life
so i went to borders and bought it again
and last night, i re-read it for the 4th time
it's a beautiful book that talks about his life, the drugs, the women, the experiences, his entire life of addiction and escapism and the rehab
and it's a frank story about his ups and downs
if i were to write an autobiography, im modelling it on this book
because for some fucked up reason, this chinese girl can relate to a former drug addict who makes fantastic music on the other side of the world
*
on a less depressing note
the white chocolate molten cake from chilis is SICKENING
it wasnt even finished and there were two of us
and i wanted to puke, faint, puke and then die all at one go
i dont understand how anyone can digest an entire thing on their own
*
i get to be upset today
apparently, ive allowed myself to believe its my god given right
and no one can tell me otherwise
apparently, 8 years only meant something to me

i dont ever want to be part of a club that will have me as its member - anthony kiedis, scar tissue

xL

whenever im down

stolen from behance.net, by tony ariawan

i know i had a good weekend
i just cant remember all the damn details

such is growing old and trying to be the rockstar that you arent genetically modified to be

friday saw dinner at saffron, progressing to denise

saturday saw dinner at werner's which has dope dessert, the mains were so so

and then, thats when the beginning of the end started

i remember snatches of WILD, driving to PJ because in my mind it was the smart thing to do to be designated driver -_-, dec9th wanting to get smashed, hussy in a complete alternate universe, deedee being DJ, 8 jugs of long island / wickawickawild & eryn's place

and i know that it was super fun :)

and i know that there's a kid around that has photos of the night out

i just have to figure out which kid

sunday saw me trying to appreciate dimsum with rose at jaya one then going to bulldog for "the morning after" which had me going "noooo...really? seriously? wow"

and having me in bed at 9pm watching the finale to grey's anatomy

and having me go through the same cycle of emo-ness of

crying like a baby, questioning true love and hating meredith grey

basically, a self indulgent selfish weekend

:D

*

and big props to dayve for having the most horrific, glamorous, drama filled accident at la bods which saw him spending the night at UH
oh you stupid fool :)

we'll come see you and bring your pathetic ass out

*

i did major thinking this weekend
and i dont need the damn necklace from tiffany's
although i still sit at my desk dreaming about it

i'd rather have rose top up my travel fund

it was a moment of weakness, and boy, have i been having a lot of those

*

i had a friend call me on sunday
crying her heart out, wondering when she'll get that break
the break from everything, the break from the heartache, the break from the monotony, the break from wondering "what if/when will?"

i cried with her

xL