L says toodles

so this will be my last post on this blog
and its truly so bittersweet
on one hand, it feels so damn sweet that im leaving
and on the other hand, it feels damn shitty that im leaving all this behind
im not going to go on about why im feeling shitty, because you all know why
so to re-cap the last 2 years ending this blog in september is pretty apt as i started it in september 2 years ago....when i started work as well!

1. i started work in advertising not knowing why i chose the industry. all i knew is that it was not too "business like" and i didn't have to dress as if i had a stick up my ass. 2 years later, i got promoted and head hunted, and well well, if i come back, i'll be in a manager position. so i must say, im pretty lucky i found something i like to do. and the people i worked with? could not have asked for a better bunch of lunatics :)


2. i ended up falling in love with KL once again. managed to find a routine that suited me and i had my friends. we ventured outside the box and tested ourselves on a multitude of different levels. we grew up here and we're still growing up here. KL will always be my home and it proved itself again, the 2nd time around. i heart KL.


3. i travelled south east asia and found out how miraculous it was. cambodia took my breath away, standing in front of angkor wat. hanoi was just a mixture of crazy and lazy energy. thailand was a riot, showcasing how you could just have no limits but also at the same time, giving back a little internal peace.


4. i ended an 8 year relationship. it was so tough, it took so much out of me and still feel the effects of it from time to time. but it shoved me onto a different plane. i mistook the love for an individual for the love of being comfortable. at 24, that is well fine. it stripped me bare and revealed my shortcomings, along with forcing me to see that we were 2 different individuals. both holding different beliefs, opinions and faults, travelling on a different road. i never developed a distaste for him, and can only wish that he finds that great ever-fulfilling happiness & peace of mind.


5. the break-up led to me forcing myself to figure it out. where i stood in the world and what i wanted from it. hence, my development of belief in the universe and the flow of good and bad energy. i truly believe what you put in, you'll get out of. fear is a horrible state of mind to live in. it also has allowed me to pursue my true love, of travelling and exploration. you need to let something go, in order to let something else in.


6. developed fantastic friendships....do you really want me to go there? you know i can write for ages about you guys. without sounding patronizing, you guys have done some serious growing up :) we're cried, laughed, shouted, danced, travelled & ached together. im trying to start to write something fantastic and memorable, but sometimes, feelings are hard to pin down in words


7. appreciated rosebud. not living with her for 8 years and coming back to stay under the same roof takes a lot of tolerance and patience on both sides. ive come to see and understand her as an individual now, not just as my mother. and i still stand there with awe, respect and admiration. goddamn, makes it just that bit harder to leave now that i dont hate her :)


8. believing in myself enough to not fake it. i have enough people around me that ive gained being the person i am. i dont find the need to be someone else anymore, althought ive never really wanted to be anyone else. im comfortable in my own skin and ill live the life i want to live. as far as im concerned, as long as i dont intentionally hurt someone, it'll all be okay.

im sure that there is more for me to write, but thats why there's the sidebar, so you guys can re-visit whenever you want :)

and i also want to say thanks so much for all that you've ever done for me. god, it seems that im leaving for good and never going to see anyone of you again...but then again, i have the ability to go and never return ;). thanks for the shoulders and the tissues. thanks for temaning me because "eh, i dont want to go alone la". thanks for layaning my nonsensical, non-realistic beliefs. thanks for saying "do it" and all the encouragement and support. thanks for having my back. whilst there was support, thanks for keeping me grounded and not let me sink too deep into denial. thanks as well for the kicks in the ass especially when it came to my choice in men ;) saying that, i have to thank the men that entered my life in the last few months, they were much entertainment to say the least :)

to top it all off, i only can hope that i was there for you, as you were there for me.

so i'll be gone for 4 months on a trip for me to "figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life". this is different from spain. i had to come back from spain, not because they would have thrown me out for overstaying my 3 months, but because i had to come back. i dont this time around. i may just join the circus over there for all you know. but please keep on following on with my other blog, i'll let you know the address once its all set up :)

ooooo this is too teary for me because its not just a blog, its seemingly an end of a chapter. and we all know that chapters have to close to have new ones open. im crossing my fingers that the new chapter will hold as much craziness, happiness, tears (because we know they come with laughter), and absurdity as this one.

i say 2 days

x L for the very last time

they wine and dine

i'll break down the last 5 days for you, brimming with debauchery, lots of laughs, lots of memories, a whole lot of sin but it was so much fun ;)

1. thursday: wabisabi - a disgusting marathon of who could outdrink who. the people who wanted to get me drunk passed out before my eyes. the people who "just cant drink to save their lives" ended up outside, red-faced, head-throbbing stuffing food down their throat only to see it half an hour later in puke form. and i survived after downing 3 absinthes, 2 flamings and about 5 vodka ribenas. CK from kent was the bartender and he took well care of me. we heart CK :) i exchanged my 1/4 bottle of vodka for free alcohol on saturday night. the cina in me can do business whilst drunk.

2. friday: tag @ loft, zouk - everyone came out. i usually see these people at raju's on sunday afternoons, but they decided to make an appearance at the "last TAG session at loft". deeds/mun/dayve/eryn/rere/anini/sayang. it was well fun with at least 14 jugs of long island to see us through. i dont remember much and the time just flew past. the killers/redhotchilipeppers/oasis/franz ferdinand entertained us as we moshed it all out. needless to say, we were very hot, sweaty and with my makeup smeared when we go out. the lousier you look when you come out, the better a time you had in there ;) there was a lot of kissing going on. guy with guy, guy with girl, girl with girl. you get the gist, there was alot of love to be shared :) we moved on to NKP (our new fave hangout after a session) with anini and dayve showing up with my going away present. a cornetto stand they stole from a petrol station -_- rebels we are. it now stands in em's room.

3. saturday: bulldog - for the morning after. we all were pretty sheepish after that la but felt alright with a strip of panadol on the table and a full english breakfast. it feels well good to ingest a whole lot of grease after a huge night out. anini & i then moved to my place where we just sat there and didn't move an entire lot. it hurt in places where it shouldnt have. providore - because i needed to redeem my free alcohol and good lord, did he give me alot. i threw the whole "im not drinking" out of the window and celebrated merdeka in with a LOT of free heinekens. alcohol always tastes better when its free.

4. sunday: raju's because its sunday. it hurt a little and i felt like i was retaining the entire ocean inside me. urgh. i felt like such crap that i said no to sid's and went to hang with zahir at the gym. we sweated the toxins out together and then went healthy with sushi. thats called trying to get back the balance.

5. monday: appreciating that there was no work to go to. kidnapped mun and anini to run errands with me. well not run la, to do errands at a very, very slow pace. i ended up at the bookshop again. lord. managed to stay away from the alcohol though.

so that was our merdeka weekend. that was my farewell. after my many "THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT LA, WHY DONT YOU WANT TO COME OUT?", i only have 4 more days! and i didn't cry or get too emo, well i almost did last night...but nah :) i'll be back in october, we'll hang and do this once again. and when that comes, i'll use the "THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL SEE YOU THIS YEAR" line.
you guys best come up with a great excuse to get yourselves out of that one.

fuck dudes, i'll miss you guys hardcore

xL

time takes too much time

okay, thank you very the much for showing your concern
im a little more emotionally stable now
im no longer crying & shrieking like a banshee, banging my fists on the table, only to then curl up into a foetal position 5 minutes later
the storm is over
:)
back to anticipating my quest around the world

i have 11 days
and ive started a new blog as well
thats right
i figured, as many memories as this one has...and hopefully blogger will allow me to keep it for a little while...its time to start a new chapter now instead of continuing on with this one. im still figuring out how to set it up...i wish i was a closet geek...dayve? help...please? :)

fitness first has decided to fuck me over
saturday mornings and afternoons are dedicated to RPM, body pump and zahir
and the last saturday ill ever have, they decide to have a women's wellness event, so no classes.
WTF IS A WOMEN'S WELLNESS EVENT?
how are women in general supposed to be on par with men if they insist on have a wellness event for women? what is so wrong with women that they need a bloody day dedicated to their wellness? or promoting their wellness?
i hate the word wellness
its not even a word...i swear its not


xL

big kess little huhg

i need to confess
im a shameless, disgusting book whore
the amount of books ive been buying is obscene
i had L time at borders yesterday, which i think is the best thing i can ever do with my free time. i throw on my ipod, and just walk like an old lady around the bookstore. i just browse. i did this on tuesday before the dentist as well.
my teeth are bright and white now, thanks for asking.

the books i bought last week:
1. the lost cities : south america
2. khalil gibran : the collected works - i did an internal squeal when i found this book. its has a simple hardcover and consists of everything he has ever published. i want to lug this when i travel, but i just dont think its a smart idea. so if you guys ever find "a tear and a smile", soft cover, buy it for me?
3. trainspotting - im going back to the good shit that i ignored during my chick lit years
4. the history of morocco - rose is hitting that up in november
5. the adrian mole diaries - need some light relief from all the heaviness of the books above
6. pop babylon - oh and you know im not shameless to admit what crap this is. its the potato chips of books. tastes so good, but no nourishment at all
7. south america by footprints - only thing that has stuck is that i shouldnt throw tissue paper down the toilet and clog up the drainage. sexy times.

and have i finished the rest of the stack of books at home?
nay
the books that i have read halfway and chucked to the side for something more interesting are:

1. merde happens
2. running with scissors
3. one of david sedaris's books

the books that have been borrowed to me and that i need to return by next week:

1. one of bill bryson's books
2. another david sedaris book

see, im a disgusting, shameless book whore
and i love it
its not my fault that im bipolar. i cant seem to control my happiness or emo-ness, so i have to get my books to adapt to my clinical disorder, although never been diagnosed.
and as you can see, ive cleansed myself of the chick lit
i was in borders and i saw all these new books by authors i used to adore, but when i saw the happy, bright, stupidly designed covers, i nearly wretched my lunch out.
i seem to have a physical reaction to everything nowadays

*
remembered that i said that i would regret doing this?
about flushing everything down the shitter and throwing on a backpack?
yea, i became my own worst enemy a few days back, haunted with thoughts of:

why am i doing this? what am i going to do with my career? do i want to be unemployed at 25? what if i need to buy a house? is this what i want to do with my money? I DONT WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE AT 30! why do i need to travel? is this even normal? im going to get mugged! im going to get kidnapped! why am i travelling chile alone? im going to miss my friends like hell. im going to miss rose even more. is rose going to be okay without me? am i going to be okay without rose? who will listen to my nonsense? what if i lose my ipod? what if i end up in hospital with food poisoning and die alone? what if he convinces me that i love children and we get married? oh holy shit, why am i travelling?

uh huh

went out saturday night, got a slap and was told to shut the hell up and toughen the fuck up.
i was like this before spain - i hesitated and i cried and i wanted to take everything back.
got to spain - cried, wanted to turn around, felt lost for a good week...then i found the wonders of sangria & 3 euro bottles of torres wine and never wanted to leave

sth america will be like that....surely?

*

bunty sent me this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii-dVIYBVZ8
it hit home because i was in a relationship that was more or less like it
the universe works in mysterious ways for us

xL

boom de yada!

it never gets old huh?
nope
it kinda makes you wanna...break into song?
yup

i love the mountains
i love the clear blue skies
i love big bridges
i love when great whites fly
i love the whole world
and all its sights and sounds
boom de yada x 4
i love the oceans
i love real dirty things
i love to go fast
i love egyptian kings
i love the whole world
and all its craziness
boom de yada x 4
i love tornadoes
i love arachnids
i love hot magma
i love the giant squids
i love the whole world
its such a brilliant place
boom de yada x 4

courtesy of the discovery channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR3-CKTZetM

*

this song makes me want to put on my backpack now and leave
such a feel good, i wanna explore the world and appreciate all its glory kinda tune
:)

david h. childress on travelling:
"this is not to say that i was not frightened from time to time, nor miserable on many occassions...but, once back home comfortable again, i would look back at even the most un-comfortable times with a certain amount of yearning and wistful remembrance. perhaps you know the feeling"

yeah, the travel bug is biting hard

xL

completely and utterly

my smart ass mouth doesnt have any more olympics commentary
mainly because in my 2nd last week at work, they decide to give me work
i really dont see the point in this at all
all the knowledge i gain from this will be kept by me. in my head -_-
intellectual property or something like that right?
so therefore, i have no time to watch the olympics, which is inhumane
they made me go for branch visits to kepong and cheras, both of which i got all stressed out due to losing my way and it was raining...and...sigh, im too lazy to whine about this
actually im pretty lazy to write at all
all i can say is that ive been abusing my liver to a ridiculous extreme
its thursday and i can safely say i just want to curl up at home tonight
i have the inner ability to pass up another "free flow night". its looking apparent that they are trying to get rid of all this alcohol before ramadan starts. but then again, alcohol doesn't spoil....
and there have been drinking sessions just because im leaving, so people go "eh, lets go for a drink la, you're leaving soon"
i have been here for 2 years
and i will be returning...i think
but then again, i have no qualms whatsoever in drinking, and any excuse will do :)

he whispered 16 days

xL

romeo and juliet

THE OFFICIAL LOL AND LAP COMMENTARY OF THE OLYMPICS : PART 1

1. phelps is the devil - 8 gold

2.
anon: im a phelps phan
L: you didn't....
anon: i did
L: oh god, you americans....

3. men's volleyball USA vs Bulgaria. 15 mins. 15 ass pats by the same person on the USA team. last name: Stanley

4. i thought women's hockey was men's hockey

5.
commentator on diving: she has a good indication of where the water is
L: where the fuck does he think that the rest of them think the water is?

6.
rosebud: rafa is in the finals
L: who the hell is rafa
rosebud: rafael nadal ...we're dating
-_-

7. men's swimming relay - UK representative - last name: Tancock

8. on weightlifting: why is he getting massaged? it must be because he jerked his ass muscle...get it? clean and jerk? jerk the ass muscle? -_-

9. eh the badminton player lives in cheras....i googled him... if he gets gold, we go for gold in cheras ;)

10. GO MALAYSIA! WE WANT A PUBLIC HOLIDAY!

11. my secret perve is when the divers get out of the water, and their speedos fall down their ass and you get to see their ass crack. yum.

*
after a psychotic, alcohol-fuelled, intense last weekend
i decided to take it down a notch this weekend and love myself
ooo that could sound so nasty
so saturday saw me sweat out the toxins for 2 hours
and then indulge at a spa for 3 hours
followed by great food and excellent company for the next 8 hours
okay, there was a bottle of wine floating around, but its insignificant in comparison
sunday saw me get organized!
i bought my 75ltr backpack, which when i opened it, the only thought i had was "i hope sth america ships stuff to malaysia"
i stopped my procrasination in regards to organizing my itunes and sat there for 5 hours organising all the songs/genres/albums/artists accordingly
it's a little OCD, but it was satisfying, i blame eryn for all this of course
i then decided that over 2,000 songs was not suffice for my quest around the world and proceeded to download another 5 albums last night
tonight is going to be fun :)

xL