L says toodles

so this will be my last post on this blog
and its truly so bittersweet
on one hand, it feels so damn sweet that im leaving
and on the other hand, it feels damn shitty that im leaving all this behind
im not going to go on about why im feeling shitty, because you all know why
so to re-cap the last 2 years ending this blog in september is pretty apt as i started it in september 2 years ago....when i started work as well!

1. i started work in advertising not knowing why i chose the industry. all i knew is that it was not too "business like" and i didn't have to dress as if i had a stick up my ass. 2 years later, i got promoted and head hunted, and well well, if i come back, i'll be in a manager position. so i must say, im pretty lucky i found something i like to do. and the people i worked with? could not have asked for a better bunch of lunatics :)


2. i ended up falling in love with KL once again. managed to find a routine that suited me and i had my friends. we ventured outside the box and tested ourselves on a multitude of different levels. we grew up here and we're still growing up here. KL will always be my home and it proved itself again, the 2nd time around. i heart KL.


3. i travelled south east asia and found out how miraculous it was. cambodia took my breath away, standing in front of angkor wat. hanoi was just a mixture of crazy and lazy energy. thailand was a riot, showcasing how you could just have no limits but also at the same time, giving back a little internal peace.


4. i ended an 8 year relationship. it was so tough, it took so much out of me and still feel the effects of it from time to time. but it shoved me onto a different plane. i mistook the love for an individual for the love of being comfortable. at 24, that is well fine. it stripped me bare and revealed my shortcomings, along with forcing me to see that we were 2 different individuals. both holding different beliefs, opinions and faults, travelling on a different road. i never developed a distaste for him, and can only wish that he finds that great ever-fulfilling happiness & peace of mind.


5. the break-up led to me forcing myself to figure it out. where i stood in the world and what i wanted from it. hence, my development of belief in the universe and the flow of good and bad energy. i truly believe what you put in, you'll get out of. fear is a horrible state of mind to live in. it also has allowed me to pursue my true love, of travelling and exploration. you need to let something go, in order to let something else in.


6. developed fantastic friendships....do you really want me to go there? you know i can write for ages about you guys. without sounding patronizing, you guys have done some serious growing up :) we're cried, laughed, shouted, danced, travelled & ached together. im trying to start to write something fantastic and memorable, but sometimes, feelings are hard to pin down in words


7. appreciated rosebud. not living with her for 8 years and coming back to stay under the same roof takes a lot of tolerance and patience on both sides. ive come to see and understand her as an individual now, not just as my mother. and i still stand there with awe, respect and admiration. goddamn, makes it just that bit harder to leave now that i dont hate her :)


8. believing in myself enough to not fake it. i have enough people around me that ive gained being the person i am. i dont find the need to be someone else anymore, althought ive never really wanted to be anyone else. im comfortable in my own skin and ill live the life i want to live. as far as im concerned, as long as i dont intentionally hurt someone, it'll all be okay.

im sure that there is more for me to write, but thats why there's the sidebar, so you guys can re-visit whenever you want :)

and i also want to say thanks so much for all that you've ever done for me. god, it seems that im leaving for good and never going to see anyone of you again...but then again, i have the ability to go and never return ;). thanks for the shoulders and the tissues. thanks for temaning me because "eh, i dont want to go alone la". thanks for layaning my nonsensical, non-realistic beliefs. thanks for saying "do it" and all the encouragement and support. thanks for having my back. whilst there was support, thanks for keeping me grounded and not let me sink too deep into denial. thanks as well for the kicks in the ass especially when it came to my choice in men ;) saying that, i have to thank the men that entered my life in the last few months, they were much entertainment to say the least :)

to top it all off, i only can hope that i was there for you, as you were there for me.

so i'll be gone for 4 months on a trip for me to "figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life". this is different from spain. i had to come back from spain, not because they would have thrown me out for overstaying my 3 months, but because i had to come back. i dont this time around. i may just join the circus over there for all you know. but please keep on following on with my other blog, i'll let you know the address once its all set up :)

ooooo this is too teary for me because its not just a blog, its seemingly an end of a chapter. and we all know that chapters have to close to have new ones open. im crossing my fingers that the new chapter will hold as much craziness, happiness, tears (because we know they come with laughter), and absurdity as this one.

i say 2 days

x L for the very last time

they wine and dine

i'll break down the last 5 days for you, brimming with debauchery, lots of laughs, lots of memories, a whole lot of sin but it was so much fun ;)

1. thursday: wabisabi - a disgusting marathon of who could outdrink who. the people who wanted to get me drunk passed out before my eyes. the people who "just cant drink to save their lives" ended up outside, red-faced, head-throbbing stuffing food down their throat only to see it half an hour later in puke form. and i survived after downing 3 absinthes, 2 flamings and about 5 vodka ribenas. CK from kent was the bartender and he took well care of me. we heart CK :) i exchanged my 1/4 bottle of vodka for free alcohol on saturday night. the cina in me can do business whilst drunk.

2. friday: tag @ loft, zouk - everyone came out. i usually see these people at raju's on sunday afternoons, but they decided to make an appearance at the "last TAG session at loft". deeds/mun/dayve/eryn/rere/anini/sayang. it was well fun with at least 14 jugs of long island to see us through. i dont remember much and the time just flew past. the killers/redhotchilipeppers/oasis/franz ferdinand entertained us as we moshed it all out. needless to say, we were very hot, sweaty and with my makeup smeared when we go out. the lousier you look when you come out, the better a time you had in there ;) there was a lot of kissing going on. guy with guy, guy with girl, girl with girl. you get the gist, there was alot of love to be shared :) we moved on to NKP (our new fave hangout after a session) with anini and dayve showing up with my going away present. a cornetto stand they stole from a petrol station -_- rebels we are. it now stands in em's room.

3. saturday: bulldog - for the morning after. we all were pretty sheepish after that la but felt alright with a strip of panadol on the table and a full english breakfast. it feels well good to ingest a whole lot of grease after a huge night out. anini & i then moved to my place where we just sat there and didn't move an entire lot. it hurt in places where it shouldnt have. providore - because i needed to redeem my free alcohol and good lord, did he give me alot. i threw the whole "im not drinking" out of the window and celebrated merdeka in with a LOT of free heinekens. alcohol always tastes better when its free.

4. sunday: raju's because its sunday. it hurt a little and i felt like i was retaining the entire ocean inside me. urgh. i felt like such crap that i said no to sid's and went to hang with zahir at the gym. we sweated the toxins out together and then went healthy with sushi. thats called trying to get back the balance.

5. monday: appreciating that there was no work to go to. kidnapped mun and anini to run errands with me. well not run la, to do errands at a very, very slow pace. i ended up at the bookshop again. lord. managed to stay away from the alcohol though.

so that was our merdeka weekend. that was my farewell. after my many "THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT LA, WHY DONT YOU WANT TO COME OUT?", i only have 4 more days! and i didn't cry or get too emo, well i almost did last night...but nah :) i'll be back in october, we'll hang and do this once again. and when that comes, i'll use the "THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL SEE YOU THIS YEAR" line.
you guys best come up with a great excuse to get yourselves out of that one.

fuck dudes, i'll miss you guys hardcore

xL

time takes too much time

okay, thank you very the much for showing your concern
im a little more emotionally stable now
im no longer crying & shrieking like a banshee, banging my fists on the table, only to then curl up into a foetal position 5 minutes later
the storm is over
:)
back to anticipating my quest around the world

i have 11 days
and ive started a new blog as well
thats right
i figured, as many memories as this one has...and hopefully blogger will allow me to keep it for a little while...its time to start a new chapter now instead of continuing on with this one. im still figuring out how to set it up...i wish i was a closet geek...dayve? help...please? :)

fitness first has decided to fuck me over
saturday mornings and afternoons are dedicated to RPM, body pump and zahir
and the last saturday ill ever have, they decide to have a women's wellness event, so no classes.
WTF IS A WOMEN'S WELLNESS EVENT?
how are women in general supposed to be on par with men if they insist on have a wellness event for women? what is so wrong with women that they need a bloody day dedicated to their wellness? or promoting their wellness?
i hate the word wellness
its not even a word...i swear its not


xL

big kess little huhg

i need to confess
im a shameless, disgusting book whore
the amount of books ive been buying is obscene
i had L time at borders yesterday, which i think is the best thing i can ever do with my free time. i throw on my ipod, and just walk like an old lady around the bookstore. i just browse. i did this on tuesday before the dentist as well.
my teeth are bright and white now, thanks for asking.

the books i bought last week:
1. the lost cities : south america
2. khalil gibran : the collected works - i did an internal squeal when i found this book. its has a simple hardcover and consists of everything he has ever published. i want to lug this when i travel, but i just dont think its a smart idea. so if you guys ever find "a tear and a smile", soft cover, buy it for me?
3. trainspotting - im going back to the good shit that i ignored during my chick lit years
4. the history of morocco - rose is hitting that up in november
5. the adrian mole diaries - need some light relief from all the heaviness of the books above
6. pop babylon - oh and you know im not shameless to admit what crap this is. its the potato chips of books. tastes so good, but no nourishment at all
7. south america by footprints - only thing that has stuck is that i shouldnt throw tissue paper down the toilet and clog up the drainage. sexy times.

and have i finished the rest of the stack of books at home?
nay
the books that i have read halfway and chucked to the side for something more interesting are:

1. merde happens
2. running with scissors
3. one of david sedaris's books

the books that have been borrowed to me and that i need to return by next week:

1. one of bill bryson's books
2. another david sedaris book

see, im a disgusting, shameless book whore
and i love it
its not my fault that im bipolar. i cant seem to control my happiness or emo-ness, so i have to get my books to adapt to my clinical disorder, although never been diagnosed.
and as you can see, ive cleansed myself of the chick lit
i was in borders and i saw all these new books by authors i used to adore, but when i saw the happy, bright, stupidly designed covers, i nearly wretched my lunch out.
i seem to have a physical reaction to everything nowadays

*
remembered that i said that i would regret doing this?
about flushing everything down the shitter and throwing on a backpack?
yea, i became my own worst enemy a few days back, haunted with thoughts of:

why am i doing this? what am i going to do with my career? do i want to be unemployed at 25? what if i need to buy a house? is this what i want to do with my money? I DONT WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE AT 30! why do i need to travel? is this even normal? im going to get mugged! im going to get kidnapped! why am i travelling chile alone? im going to miss my friends like hell. im going to miss rose even more. is rose going to be okay without me? am i going to be okay without rose? who will listen to my nonsense? what if i lose my ipod? what if i end up in hospital with food poisoning and die alone? what if he convinces me that i love children and we get married? oh holy shit, why am i travelling?

uh huh

went out saturday night, got a slap and was told to shut the hell up and toughen the fuck up.
i was like this before spain - i hesitated and i cried and i wanted to take everything back.
got to spain - cried, wanted to turn around, felt lost for a good week...then i found the wonders of sangria & 3 euro bottles of torres wine and never wanted to leave

sth america will be like that....surely?

*

bunty sent me this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii-dVIYBVZ8
it hit home because i was in a relationship that was more or less like it
the universe works in mysterious ways for us

xL

boom de yada!

it never gets old huh?
nope
it kinda makes you wanna...break into song?
yup

i love the mountains
i love the clear blue skies
i love big bridges
i love when great whites fly
i love the whole world
and all its sights and sounds
boom de yada x 4
i love the oceans
i love real dirty things
i love to go fast
i love egyptian kings
i love the whole world
and all its craziness
boom de yada x 4
i love tornadoes
i love arachnids
i love hot magma
i love the giant squids
i love the whole world
its such a brilliant place
boom de yada x 4

courtesy of the discovery channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR3-CKTZetM

*

this song makes me want to put on my backpack now and leave
such a feel good, i wanna explore the world and appreciate all its glory kinda tune
:)

david h. childress on travelling:
"this is not to say that i was not frightened from time to time, nor miserable on many occassions...but, once back home comfortable again, i would look back at even the most un-comfortable times with a certain amount of yearning and wistful remembrance. perhaps you know the feeling"

yeah, the travel bug is biting hard

xL

completely and utterly

my smart ass mouth doesnt have any more olympics commentary
mainly because in my 2nd last week at work, they decide to give me work
i really dont see the point in this at all
all the knowledge i gain from this will be kept by me. in my head -_-
intellectual property or something like that right?
so therefore, i have no time to watch the olympics, which is inhumane
they made me go for branch visits to kepong and cheras, both of which i got all stressed out due to losing my way and it was raining...and...sigh, im too lazy to whine about this
actually im pretty lazy to write at all
all i can say is that ive been abusing my liver to a ridiculous extreme
its thursday and i can safely say i just want to curl up at home tonight
i have the inner ability to pass up another "free flow night". its looking apparent that they are trying to get rid of all this alcohol before ramadan starts. but then again, alcohol doesn't spoil....
and there have been drinking sessions just because im leaving, so people go "eh, lets go for a drink la, you're leaving soon"
i have been here for 2 years
and i will be returning...i think
but then again, i have no qualms whatsoever in drinking, and any excuse will do :)

he whispered 16 days

xL

romeo and juliet

THE OFFICIAL LOL AND LAP COMMENTARY OF THE OLYMPICS : PART 1

1. phelps is the devil - 8 gold

2.
anon: im a phelps phan
L: you didn't....
anon: i did
L: oh god, you americans....

3. men's volleyball USA vs Bulgaria. 15 mins. 15 ass pats by the same person on the USA team. last name: Stanley

4. i thought women's hockey was men's hockey

5.
commentator on diving: she has a good indication of where the water is
L: where the fuck does he think that the rest of them think the water is?

6.
rosebud: rafa is in the finals
L: who the hell is rafa
rosebud: rafael nadal ...we're dating
-_-

7. men's swimming relay - UK representative - last name: Tancock

8. on weightlifting: why is he getting massaged? it must be because he jerked his ass muscle...get it? clean and jerk? jerk the ass muscle? -_-

9. eh the badminton player lives in cheras....i googled him... if he gets gold, we go for gold in cheras ;)

10. GO MALAYSIA! WE WANT A PUBLIC HOLIDAY!

11. my secret perve is when the divers get out of the water, and their speedos fall down their ass and you get to see their ass crack. yum.

*
after a psychotic, alcohol-fuelled, intense last weekend
i decided to take it down a notch this weekend and love myself
ooo that could sound so nasty
so saturday saw me sweat out the toxins for 2 hours
and then indulge at a spa for 3 hours
followed by great food and excellent company for the next 8 hours
okay, there was a bottle of wine floating around, but its insignificant in comparison
sunday saw me get organized!
i bought my 75ltr backpack, which when i opened it, the only thought i had was "i hope sth america ships stuff to malaysia"
i stopped my procrasination in regards to organizing my itunes and sat there for 5 hours organising all the songs/genres/albums/artists accordingly
it's a little OCD, but it was satisfying, i blame eryn for all this of course
i then decided that over 2,000 songs was not suffice for my quest around the world and proceeded to download another 5 albums last night
tonight is going to be fun :)

xL

pace yourself for me

my number 1 chat partner on MSN of late has been lap
with her being at home, not doing much & me being at work, also not doing much...well you can kinda figure the kind of nonsense we end up chatting about
we've 'discussed': boys who are men, men who are boys, the olympics, mambo at salt *wails*, pineapple express, played guess what song this is, being 24, life in general...and the usual bitching and whining to pass the hours away
i was going to combine forces with her to do an
"OFFICIAL LOL AND LAP COMMENTARY OF THE OLYMPICS"
but she's too much of a loser to compile hers, so im going to do a general one

comments on the olympics:

1. dude, china doesn't understand silver or bronze la. they can only win gold...or they get banished to outer mongolia

2. phelps is just raping the pool

3. what happened to the male australian swimmers? where's THORPEDO? oh, retired ah? eh, then what's australia going to do?

4. i have the hots for the ukrainian

5.
don't you want to lick their abs?
oh yes, yes i do

6. china won when they got out of bed this morning la

7. aiyoo...look at their muscles in slow motion...dude, i never knew that you could have muscles there la

8. the cubans are good at diving cos they cliff jump...what? you dont know meh?

9. screw the US la, go RUSSIA! they should have just stayed the USSR, they perform better under communism

10. i watch diving cos the men wear significantly less than the male swimmers

11. "i now appreciate the normal female form" after seeing the women swimmers

12. i cant differentiate between male and female swimmers

13. i wonder where they put their balls - the rosebud

14. eh, it's like the malaysians went there on a 'free and easy 4D/3N' tour of china la...

15.
the canadian looks like pablo.....
who's pablo?
duh, pablo's the dude that brings me the mojitos and rubs tanning oil on my body...
I ALSO WANT A PABLO

16. i hope the africans win for track and field...but then there's african americans -_- shit

17. the TV is such an anti-social instrument...people only talk about the olympics because they don't know how to converse on a normal level or there's a lull in conversation

ill resume more commentary over the next week or so
im sure there'll be a whole paragraph about the rugby *drool*
excuse me for being such a pervert, but there is no other television occassion that dedicates itself to showcasing some of the world's best bodies in motion
and honey, there are some superb bodies out there

they say 23 days :)

xL

i cant think of a title

my brain is pretty damn fuzzy at the moment
i dont even know why im blogging, im guessing its because so it looks like im doing some work...and being sorta kinda productive
irregardless, im sure ill pull something out my ass cos im good at things like that
before anything else
coldplay's new album is totally rocking my socks off at the moment
i was never their #1 fan mainly cos they were just so emo you just wondered when one of them will cut their wrists
but then viva la vida came out and i decided to try it out
fantastically produced, doesn't really sound too emo and all in all a new sound for them
they're on my #2 list of bands to see in an awesome open-aired concert
who's #1? WHY RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS OF COURSE
i still believe he's my soulmate, you should have seen me gleaming when i found out he broke up with his girlfriend...cos you know, i believe i have a shot and all
*
this weekend we saw kent get reinvented at the mines, for two consecutive nights
both nights, i was so hesitant on going mainly cos the olympics were on
how awesome was the opening ceremony? i thought they did an amazing job. it was just visually stunning, so well co-ordinated and took my breath away. high five two times china :D
but for some reason, i dragged my ass all the way to mines, got lost in pitch darkness and swore that i'd kill eryn if i ended up in seremban, which was very realistic
but we had some crazy fun of which we behaved like we were 18 all over again of where all logic and reason were left at home ;)
but who wouldnt? great music, FREE FLOW 42 below vodka, and great company
there were so many people there that i hadn't seen forever due to self imposed isolation and it was good to catch up
i managed to drag my ass home at 6.30 on both mornings and now am suffering on a monday swearing that i'll never ever let alcohol touch my lips again...seriously
*
im going to watch the diving now
my work schedule revolves around the olympics
you should hear the comments that we made when watching the men's gymnastics....its almost pornographic

xL

kepanasan GBB

its ridiculously hot in KL at the moment
it hasnt rained in like...i dont know...3 weeks or so?
the haze is here which turns the sky almost greyish
so there we are hoping that it grey because its going to piss down with rain...but no, its just the goddamn pollution that im sure is so thick that its stopping the rain from falling
i get the feeling that mother nature is well pissed off with us
oh yes the new palace is justified...you know, the one that spans from the back of my office to hartamas? cos the king plays such a huge role in this country...i can see how he's already bored of the new one that was built for him in putrajaya. god forbid that they have to drive all the way to KL to get the new gucci bag...im mean, with petrol prices just soaring
urgh. i feel sick just reading what i wrote
-_-

*
biggest achievement for the week:
ive managed to commit to 3 major dates in regards to my travel plans
and ive even bought the plane tickets 0_0, which caused a major dent of RM13k
however, on the way to argentina, i get to stop in cape town, south africa :D
i doubt they'll let me out of the airport though...they'll probably be like, this cina sure gonna cause some kinda trouble if we let her out...especially since i would have been travelling for over 15 hours, im sure i'll smell sweet :)
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i hear 30 days

xL

vicious

singfest was awesomely fantastically fabulous
i thought it was going to be another sunburst or whatever festival that was in KL
but nay
the sound system was amazing, the energy was amazing and what i loved the most? the place was on a tiered sorta hill, so you could pretty much get a good view from wherever you were
one republic were amazing performers, we danced crazy and were squashed in the mosh pit for rick astley *biggggg grinnn*, which hyped us for PCD who were pretty awesome as well and alicia keys got all souful for us, which calmed us down for an amazing 9 hour sleep after that.
ANDDEN
there was jason mraz
of who made me go freaking nuts. he is such a good performer and he created an amazing vibe and im just going to gush about him for the rest of the year i swear. he ignited the suppresed love i had for boy bands when i was 12. i think im in love again :)
i enjoyed the music so much that the SGD12 bottles of bacardi breezers (oh how i missed them so from australia), SGD6 kebabs & the intense heat (my god, it was hot as hell, just as bad as the heat in KL now) didnt phase me at all

for some sick reason, i enjoyed the entire journey
of course i had the great company of khadeeds to endure it with me
then there was pher who hung around and layan-ed our absurd needs of needing to eat, needing to drink & not finding the urgency in "getting there on time". he has turned into a singaporean and i bet he loves it

i would upload the photos but i have a jackass of a sister who lost the cable for the camera and now i have to go find another cable
but that doesnt matter, cos im still swooning over jason mraz :D

xL

escaping on the run

whenever i feel like things arent in place, i turn to khalil gibran
admittedly, ive been ignoring him for a little while now
it's almost like a relationship some people have with god, of which they turn to him only when things suck
for someone like me who isn't that religious, who believes more in the universe as a single entity and the flow of good and bad energy, my belief in the prophet is pretty intense
the prophet contains 26 short stories, like a little advice book on life covering topics that are relevant to most people
ive always loved how he wrote "love", because it made so much sense to me. so now, when im neither here nor there, i started reading "joy and sorrow"

*

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

the prophet, khalil gibran

*
whenever i feel like everything is getting out of hand,
i turn to him, take a browse through his stories
stop at the one that makes the most sense to me at the time
i read it and everything seems to fall back into place

37 days


xL

cherry cola

i personally thought that the SATC movie was no fun
i totally preferred the series in comparison
maybe because they decided to stretch it to 2.5 hours
of which i even took a cigarette break in between, freaking dee out
it gave me no comfort at all towards the future
you have these 4 women, all of whom are successful in their own right
and they then go back and say "thats cool" to the men that cheated on them and left them more or less at the altar?
really? how about hell no?
and the fashion wasnt that fab and the script wasnt all that witty
maybe SATC should have left its legend behind as "6 great seasons", rather than "6 great seasons followed up by the studios trying to cash in on a movie, which was half arsed"
did seinfeld make a movie? no.
or maybe this is what happens when you watch the dark knight, nothing can live up in comparison anymore

my travel plans are finalised
mainly because i have cut out all the factors that are determining its success
like the people im travelling with because they are proving to be rather...indecisive
so here goes (for the moment):
sept: phillipines & new zealand
oct: KL to settle visas & peru
nov: chile & argentina
dec till mid jan: colombia, venezuela & brazil
im thinking 6 countries in 3 months is a little ambitious
but, goddammit im going to try
ive made wikitravel.org my bible

and because i decided not to do my masters anymore, i have the luxury of time
so nothing should stop me from continuing my quest to central america
all i have to do is go to colombia and cross to panama and say hola bitches :D
or catch a flight to cuba with a pit stop in jamaica
knowing my luck, ill be caught in a drug ring...which could be an experience
or i could keep on dreaming :) im not that delusional yet

singfest this weekend
48 hours with khadeeds
thats right

xL

drift away

i am not planning my travels anymore
its getting all too damn complex
i dont know how i turned something this simple
into a web of absolute absurdity
wwwwarrgggghhhhhhhh
i think i need to learn how to just go with the flow

it was terri's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. she didn't stop crying, chach cried cos she was crying and i started crying cos i was pms-ing :) but it was beautiful and i was just happy to be there and experience it with her. awwww...stupid weddings...for about 24 hours after that i actually believe in love, god and marriage. all of which i can hold a debate about its meaning and existence. but nevertheless, after all ive seen her go through, im glad she ended up marrying him.

hassi has officially left to the jungle. we sent her off by stuffing our faces with wendy's. which i found a thrill on its own. im sure she'll be fine. she has a knife 0_0. we now have to pray for the people she is going with

i have one month left to straighten everything out. to get my visas. to figure out to masters or not to masters (yes, over the weekend, it has turned into an internal conflict). rose is insisting that i make a stopover in KL before i proceed on to the 2nd leg of my quest to conquer the world. she thinks that ill need to rest and "get clean". then there is him...isn't there always a him? i dont know where it's all going, but it feels good. like the gut feeling good. and he acknowledged that im not that normal, that im not all that girly and that there is a high chance of me flaking out. he's still on the ride though :) thats why there's still butterflies.

xL

crawl out your window

you know its been a big night when:

1. you've been consistently drinking for 6 hours
2. you decide that your drinking partner is irish
3. everything is just whirling around you
4. you've successfully mixed wine, whisky and beer
5. it takes you longer than 5 minutes to figure out how you ended up at this bar
6. you make the toilet your friend
7. your drinking partner winds down the car window to sing bob dylan at the top of his lungs at 3am
8. "good for you, good for me!" ends every sentence
9. you bring home the glasses from the bar
10. he thinks its a grand idea to wait for the sun to come up and have breakfast with rose
11. you wake up the next day and your face is still red from the alcohol
12. you wake up the next day still drunk
13. you still smell like alcohol after a hot shower
14. rose knocks on the door and asks why is he on the couch hugging the pillow while bob dylan blasts from your laptop, when he could be sleeping in a bed?
15. this post takes you 45 minutes to write

i probably havent been this wasted for over a year. i was even pretty decent on my birthday. its nearly 4pm the next day and the hangover hasnt kicked in yet...so im still trying to decipher if im still drunk.

i dont know how south america is going to pan out, knowing im going with him and 2 other guys who dont blink an eye to having a jug of beer. each. for. breakfast. i'll probably have a righteous blast, the downside? i wont remember it at all :)

xL

to lick your heart

the dark knight was pretty fucking amazing in all aspects
i just sat there for 2.5 hours and i think that was the quietest ive ever been in a movie
i was pretty absorbed by heath ledger being the joker that i forgot the rest of the cast
to the point where i forgot it was the batman sequel....
then christian bale appeared in his tight black suit
and well, you get the point la
the movie will be bagging in those awards dude come awards season

khadeeds and i are hitting up singfest!
we're gonna bop our heads to jason mraz, emo with one republic, appease our inner 80s child with rick astley, get soulful with alicia keys and possible shake our asses to pussycat dolls
i dont know why i wasnt a copywriter
it'll be a blast next weekend

my brain has officially given up on me
i handed it my resignation and it seemed to have an immediate effect
i pretty much dont really give a shit anymore
i see work as something to fill my time with 3 hr lunches
:)
nevertheless, i did tell them i'd endeavour to see that my jobs are completed and will be handed over smoothly :) i aim for a great referral letter

they also told me when my last day is
i mis-calculated by a week
i shouldnt have taken so many holidays,
then i could have cashed in my leave for an early release
now L's travel timeline is delayed by a week
le sigh

palau from the 6th of sept anyone?

xL

little pink pills

i have to understand that when travelling you should not plan
and im telling myself that whilst im doing up an excel spreadsheet
of cost, time and fucking predicted weather circumstances
this is what happens when you work
you become a control freak that cannot leave anything to chance
especially in advertising
you cannot, cannot, cannot rely on any factor for the job's success
outdoor photoshoot?
find the biggest, industrial strength fan to blow away the rain clouds
crazy, non-negotiable timeline?
turn into a crying, pleading, shouting dictator that shows no mercy
product launch in 2 weeks?
make a deal with god and satan at the same time
easy fucking peasy

this week was the first week in at least 2 months where i have not been running around like a headless chicken
and trust me when i tell you that it feels super to sleep for 12 hours
and it feels even better not having to look at the clock and wonder why its 8pm already when the last time you looked, it was 9am?
and it takes the cake when you look in the mirror and dont look like death warmed up
but the glory of it all seeing the press ads and all the collaterals (that you worked your ass off for) that's sitting pretty in the branches
yeah, job satisfaction, thats what i aim for

i was going to type, remind me of this post when im bitching abut a campaign
but i forgot
i leave in 6 odd weeks :D

xL

smitten

i dont care, this is my damn blog, so its going to fucking have the sun shine out of its arse
i wouldnt have guessed 10 days ago, that i'll be sitting here all happy
and i mean, disgustingly, annoyingly happy
ive finally got my plans in order!
ive finally resigned!
i have 47 days till i get to jump on a plane and fuck out of here :)
not that i dont love KL, but you guys get it
my biggest stress and hesitation for resigning and leaving was that i didnt have anyone to travel with and that concerned rose a fair bit
so i came up with grand plans of raleigh international in costa rica
i had plans to surf and dive in bali for 2 months, which is still my backup plan
i had plans to backpack the states and sleep on friend's couches
i had plans for studying mandarin in beijing
now i have a grand plan which triumphs all the plans above
and i have people to do it with :)

the best part of it all was that they came down to KL last weekend
we hung out, we ate half of KL, we drank half of KL dry, we got stuck in jams and they met rose of who thought they were pretty decent :D
so i have a plan for september which should take me to mid october
of which i plan to get back to KL and sort out london 2009
then im off to a country that has been on my mind for awhile to celebrate new years with a bunch of people that i met 10 days ago
i understand that for normal people there are hesitations
but ive been wanting to do this and its like god threw it in my face and said "here you go, a little gift, enjoy"
sure, they could be serial killers
sure, they could get me into a lot of trouble
sure, they probably have no boundaries either
and sure, i could get eaten by a donkey

and then there's him
of who brought the butterflies back

sickening right?

xL

i did it

i finally threw it in
and its very bittersweet
because i do truly like what i do and i do truly love the people i work with
i like that i can come in whenever i want, dressed however i want
i like that i was recognised so early in my career
i like that they can trust me to handle the job
i like that i didnt even consider this industry
but i came through 2 years later, a better person than when i started

i dont mind the clients sometimes
i dont mind the 20 hour days
i dont mind the crazy workload
so it was hard when he asked "why do you want to leave?"
i had no good reason, i had no good answer
the most puzzling thing is why am i leaving the place that i love so much?

ill probably regret this a little in the next two months
im sure i will
i always do this to myself
i have something good, then i get comfortable, then i freak out
whatever it is, this decision i made for myself will challenge me
and at 24, im all up for the challenge
because i may think that im alright now, but there is so much room to be better

goddammit, i survived the last two months now didnt i?
maybe 2008 didnt pose that many difficulties
maybe it just threw me a few curve balls...
to see if i could handle being a stronger, better person
as someone said to me, god doesnt throw you what you cant handle

xL

see how they fly

stolen from postsecret.com

i know that ive been such a bitch about aging
that ive concluded that i need botox
and that im going to use all my savings on a boob lift
probably i will
but at the same time, ive seen some beautiful faces
with just wrinkles around the eyes from smiling
and ive thought that it must be so liberating being proud of that rather than trying to conceal it
it has showed that you have lived
probably through heartache, but many laughs and smiles too,
and you've embraced everything life has offered you
*
had dinner with hussy last night
and we both thought that it was odd, but fortunately weird
that we all know that we're going to end up in a retirement village together
everyone who was there when this conversation happened, no one questioned it
it was almost as if going
"yeah, we're going to be together when we're 70, probably as sinful and debaucherous, as loud and as crazy, still not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks. that we would be happy together"
we assumed would have gone through our 3rd divorce? or be a bitter widow? a single woman?
i dont have another group of people that i have this faith with
and it comforts me so much that at 70, i'll be looking at either one of you, reminiscing about "way back when"
but please, make sure that i die once i lose my memories and my mind and have my ashes scattered on a beach somewhere
*
god, a little emo for a thursday afternoon

xL

koh tao :)

koh tao is pai on the beach
i got everything that i planned to get from this trip
every single item that i wrote about in the previous post?
i got it all plus more ;)
i have this constant goofy smile on my face right now
and im sure its going to annoy an entire lot of people
but you know what?
fuck it :D

koh tao had a million great moments of which:
- i danced barefoot under the moonlight and a blanket of stars. of which totally represented every single word in mr. tambourine man. we ran in at midnight to red hot chili peppers and floated, just totally in love with the moment.
- the first night in koh tao, i had an intense moment with the ocean. i stood on beach, just in silence absorbing all her glory. if the ocean was a man, we would have the most passionate relationship. i had the craziest, almost posessed moment where i needed to run in. and i did :)
- the buckets. 250 baht. apparently still pretty expensive, but gave us great fun
- diving. it gave me what i needed. diving to me is like mcdonalds. the reassurance of getting that calm zen where every single one of your worries melts away and you just go "i get it now, thanks god, i get it now"
- we ran around in nearly nothing. a totally liberating feeling
- met a entire lot of gorgeous people. no old fat german men, with sunburnt bodies :)
- everyone was backpacking. all probably either escaping or looking for that moment. and its pretty safe to say that everyone who went there got what they went there to get. i did
- abseiling down a 33 metre cliff and cliff jumping in after that. the rush wasnt as intense as i expected but nevertheless, still a great feeling cos the view was amazing
- met someone pretty special. it was passionate and we connected on a crazy level. it brought me back to being a teenager, where you just didnt give a fuck about what anyone else thought, and was just fulfilled from the moment itself. eloping was a possibility in my mind. i want to go on about this, but i want to keep it to myself as well. it was one of my most happiest experiences, because it was one of the most pure ones. nothing dirty, nothing sleazy, just the beauty of connecting with another human.
- the whole trip, we ate like 5 meals. for me, i just had no appetite, almost as if every one of my senses was satisfied. filling my body with food was just not on my mind.
- the bastards of sandflies from perhentian found me. but i was prepared with medication this time. ate one at 3pm, at 8pm, i looked at my food and went "fuck this, too much effort". could not do it.
- sitting at the bar that overlooked the sunset, with a chang in my hand and listening to jack johnson. so very cliche, but did it for me.
- hung out with 4 other people who made the experience just crazy fun. it's great to connect with people from the other side of the world, who just get you.
- got that all encompassing happiness, where every single sorrow i had, just melted away.
- i know what to do in september
- realised that anita and i do have boundaries and we are not as dangerous to each other as people assume that we are going to be. so nyeh.
- too many other smaller moments, of which im not going to write about, but made the trip
- developed a really disgusting hate for koh samui. no major bad experience, just really, really bad energy from that place. it just emitted something i did not want in my life.

im done writing about this
i fell in love with the entire trip
if this is what my 20s is supposed to be about, then just watch me milk it for all its worth for the next 6 years

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're all drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all precious gifts
But you'd better take your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
- bob dylan, like a rolling stone

x the happiest L for a very long time

out of reach

i have less than 12 hours until my great escape
im crazy excited and hopefully it will give me a better grasp of what i want to do september onwards....either that, or fuck me up completely, leaving me totally lost...again
then again, if you don't try, you'll never know :)

in 12 hours, i get to
- turn off my phone
- go "email? work? RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"
- listen to my ipod and read a book
- lie in a hammock
- hear the waves and feel the sand
- get blind drunk and dance barefoot
- hang out down below the ocean and find my zen
- portray myself as the 'healthy, sporting' type and abseil
- be as silly as the situation calls for
- run around in as little as possible because we can
- build sandcastles
- find hot tattooed boys with full sleeves because i sure as hell can
- cross my fingers and hope to find that all encompassing happiness that you feel from your little toe to the top of your head

saying that, ive become comfortable with being in kl again
im going to crawl out of my socially reclused shell soon
i better stop with these little bouts of escapism
cos im very close to escaping so damn much that i cant differentiate between what i should be doing, need to be doing, or want to be doing
someone i truly respect, sat me down one day and told me
"i cant remember my 20s, because i spent it chasing. i chased everything i could - career, love... i cant remember my 20s, because i never appreciated the moment for the moment. if you want to do something, then do it. dont think about 'the future' or its 'consequences'. just do it"
holla.

i dont think im chasing anything
maybe im just looking for moments that will make my 20s
or maybe i should just stop looking and let them come to me?
my great moments had no planning
ah its all too philosophical for me right now
live and let live i say

xL

shut the door baby, dont say a word

i had the best weekend since sipadan
and ive been waiting for this weekend for a damn long time
i believe my patience paid off cos it rocked my socks
i think i spent nearly 5 hours dancing like a madwoman
progressing from urbanscapes to market place
urbanscapes was a pretty awesome event that i thought was really well managed
well done khadeeds :)
and because it was pretty spread out, you didnt have to face congestion
and you didnt get your face rubbed in someone's armpit
cos we all know how sexy that is
and the company was great company, all just enjoying the music
so i started with lapsap around 9 progressing to TAG around 10 and moving to market place around 12 to play with the most beautiful men in KL
4 chicks, a crowded sea of gorgeous half nekkid male bodies
hello? who also dont want la
and they were such fun because they were totally layaning us as we were equally layaning them
it's just all so terribly ironic
but who doesnt want a man telling you that you look like a combination of kimora and gong li with luscious legs to salsa with?
i swooned. i did. and it wasnt because of the RM65 jugs of long island

sunday proved to be a painful and trying experience
of trying to keep up with a family shopping spree in gardens & bangsar
with a massive, nauseous hangover
i like hanging with the family
a little crazy, very loud and totally irrational
but we get on pretty well and there is the love :)

i have 4 more days
4 more days until we create absolute mass havoc across the border
4 days till someone is going to have to get us from jail or immigration
4 days
dammit i deserve it

xL

6 days

last night was the first time i walked into a shop and not felt the obligatory responsibility to buy restrictive work clothes (read: black pants and white shirts)
and it was a fantastic feeling (read: resignation letter)
so i horded in bikinis, dresses, tops with stupid slogans and shorts like there was no tomorrow
i bought clothes based on their durability, weight and easy cleaning materials(read:backpacking)
because im off in 6 days for 6 days!! (read: diving, rock climbing & alcohol)
and im on a sickening high because of it
and im sure im irritating the shit out of ppl as well

so after the 1.5 hrs of spending more than i earn
we ended up watching wanted
which is one of the most action packed movies ive watched in a while
the script is a little hardcore
but angelina jolie, good lord, so hot, so damn fucking hot
i could go on about my new tattoo that i have in my mind
but i'll leave that for another post, another time
you need to watch it
it's probably not going to move you in any significant manner, but it's bloody entertaining
*
i ended up at the australian embassy this morning
a few months ago, there was a different intention to re-new
but this morning, that intention wasnt there and i went because i thought why not?
so they re-newed it for another 5 years till 2013
it seems redundant now, but im sure will provide some benefit later on
*
i was reading about the summer solstice that happened at the stonehedge this year last week
which got me thinking about summer '06
when i experienced that in tenerife and how everyone ran into the ocean at midnight because it was believed that if you did, all your wishes for the year would come true
i cant say if it did or didnt, but it was a pretty amazing experience
to lie on your back floating in the ocean, watching the fireworks explode above you
yeah, that was pretty damn sweet
i like living in the past sometimes, its a comfortable denial of present reality
*
emosaur gets back this weekend
then she's off with rosebud to cambodes to eat happy pizza
i hope she manages to pull that off
cos if she does, she'll gain some intense respect

xL

bang bang

im going to be the renegade* in this stupid battle of the universe vs. L

"Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow"
- mr tambourine man, bob dylan

im going to do exactly that in 2 weeks. okay, 11 days :D
and i have...69 days

*for those who are in the know ;)

xL