the devil may care

i am officially going to collapse any moment now
seriously, im just waiting for a darkness to come over me
and to wake up in some public *ew* hospital
*ew*

i dont even want to go into how much hassle the client is giving
actually, hassle ain't the word for it
shit
yes, shit is more appropriate
this shit is going to be the reason to why half of my team is going to work well into the am for
bloody misguided fools
so please dont even bother trying to contact me until wednesday
when recover from the impact of hell on earth
that is, if i recover

the funniest thing is....
i like it
i mean, i dont love it, and by gosh i'll complain about it....
but i dont feel the need to throw the towel in
i like the hustle of it all, it makes me feel productive
and i've fallen into a somewhat happy, satisfying balance of work and play
and it helps that nearly all my friends are in the same or similar industry too
which i have yet to decide if its good or bad
small eyes and i know that we need a few more doctors and lawyers in the equation

however saying that...i am physically and mentally exhausted from the last 7 days
from the kancils to 10am colour proof session the next day to velvet to mifa
im about to collapse

whoever said work hard and play harder evidently was on drugs
and didnt have to combat the lousy feeling of exhaustion

thats why im here at my laptop, typing away happily at 6pm on a sunday evening
rather than in a bar drinking the demise of the weekend
and by the way, after going to the shows at mifa, i have a newfound respektah for malaysian designers. they really do have so much to offer and have such brilliant minds. it was hardly a waste getting up at 10am today to catch the show

so there is nothing much i can do
but to toast with my water bottle to the next 7 days
*sigh*

xL

round round baby round round

im being allowed to guest blog @ lowshaolyn.com
but then i realised, how can i guest blog when i dont even blog here?
well i do blog here, just not that freakin often
i dont even want to go into how busy i have been this week
im only at home to shower and sleep
hey, at least i shower right? thats a good thing :P

but then i realised, im realising a whole lot of things for those who say im not perceptive
that maybe its a good thing im blogging there
on her little piece 'of internet real estate'
so one day, we can becoming advertising moguls and takeover the world
and advertise the way its supposed to be done
with ingenuity, ethics *cough* and to actually make an impact by grabbing its balls and running with it

well im off
i have work to do
and id like to start blogging small eyes, i really would, if the msg stop coming up as
"you are not permitted....."
help me help you small eyes

xL

how we operate the detroit swing 66

Happy birthday slutface! i know, a day early, but nevertheless :) may all your wishes of hot men in little clothes and tight asses come true :P i couldn't ask for a more appropriate partner to bitch with, to listen to me whining and to hatch plans for hapsap to dress as a policewoman with... to many more excellent ideas and to even more hot men :)

im happy again
i got my vanity fairs
my collection now doesn't have a gaping hole screaming for 554 anymore
i got a dude to save me a copy every month
which will save me the hassle of running from borders (who's selection sux) to mph to any newsstand that looks like it carries some sort of international magazine selection
:)
whoever said that im high maintenance has seriously got it all wrong

im trying out this whole simplistic lifestyle thing
the whole water off the back, not getting too involved in politics kinda thing
its working for me
my skin looks better and my hair has more volume
and all i worry about now is who the hell is going to feed me dinner at night
cos we all know fo sho that rosebud does not cook

went to a place called bubble lounge in ceylon hills last night
and it was gorgeous
something you get out of melbourne
and there were all these little cafes and restaurants around it that all looked so chic
and there weren't hordes of ppl running up and down the street or shouting down the mobile or just being the rude kl ppl that we normally are
it had such a chilled atmosphere
of where u could just sit and watch the world go by
and u can almost forget that you're only a stone's throw away from alor, prostitute capital of kl

i sound like a travel writer now
maybe that should be my next occupation
combining my two loves of travel and writing
duh *smacks head*

well im out to have a pre bday feast with dayvey at chillis now
i mean, where else right?

xL

as he goes left and you stay right

you know how when you're underwater for the longest time
and then you come up to the surface
and the first breath you take?
i feel like that now
and it should be accompanied with some sort of relief and joy
but no
i feel all blah-ed cos i know that this shit is never ending

its like it starts
then when you think it stops
you look up and there's a pile of crap just waiting to be dropped onto your head again

so small eyes and i went to bodega to make ourselves feel better
you know, cos misery does love company
and for that small second, with the chocolate tart, tiramisu, ice cream, sangria and an excellent band....there was this glimmer that all will be right
then the next day came and it started all over again

WARGH

im so not cut out to work im telling you
i want to run away to some secluded beach
and open some boat company that will ferry tourists around
and i wont care about all the materialistic things in life
cos all that i'd need would be the sun, the sea, maybe a whole lot of home made rum, cigarettes, gorgeous sarongs, a hammock, a hut with a huge 4 poster bed with that mosquito net thing, a day bed....

oh who the hell am i kidding?
i cant run away....i do need my material goods
maybe when ive worked in this god forsaken rat race for another 2 decades...
i could toy with the idea of retiring at 40 probably through scamming and manipulating
and get myself a beach house

that sounds sweet but another 2 decades of this? i've barely lasted 3 months

xL

on rings, flings and other things

i got my baby back
she went all the way to penang for a long assed holiday
and now she's home
all brand spankin new
and working like a charm
purrrrrr
i hope she missed me as much as i missed her

i just watched jerry maguire
and i cried
i swear i dont remember tearing when i watched it the first time
all i remember was the whole "you had me at hello" line that made me swoon
and giggle like a school girl...which i was
but then again, the first time was nearly a decade ago
so maybe i didnt quite understand the complexities of relationships
and boy oh boy do i understand them now.........

i would like to go back to when i believed this is how it worked
girl meets boy. boy meets girl. boy and girl fall in love. boy and girl get married and move to surburbia and have a ton of babies without feeling the economic pinch. boy and girl turn old together. boy and girl never fight. boy and girl will always be each other's number 1.

-_-
now?
lets just chuck in a few realistic problems and concepts...you know, just for the fun of it :)

"why don't you spend enough time with me?"
"where do you actually see this going?"
"what exactly do you mean by that?"
"when you say break, do you mean break up?"
"who was that?"
"we're not getting married till i get my pre-nup"
"do you actually grasp the concept of quality time?"
"lets talk"
"omfg, can u stop crying?"
"i really am quite sick of your cooking"
"you really do seem like you are from another planet"

no b, this is not directed at you, so don't go all sensitive on me...

maybe it was like that before, but then again, who's to say that they didnt have problems of their own?
i am hardly one that should say anything on this matter
as this matter of a healthy, strong, stable (which is hard when i myself am a little unstable) relationship does seem quite foreign to me
oh my god, why did i even open this can of worms?

ill leave you to it
i have two pizzas in front of me
stupid goddamn period really
i turn into my own worst enemy with my emotions and hunger pangs flying all over the place

xL

ps: alcohol consumption this week (yes, i mean the whole entire 7 days) -- 1 beer
show me a person that said i was weak and ill show you someone who evidently doesn't know me

a serving of a pair of balls, with a shot of testosterone on the side

i really dislike being a chick
i go from being super duper fucking happy to crappy in less than one second
i go to bed grumpy and wake up happy
i know that ive committed enough sins in my short span on earth
but dammit, god is really spiting me at the moment
he picks about 4 days a month to be very malicious towards me

i can eat a horse
ill cry over the fact that my hair won't grow any faster
ill bitch that its 5pm when there really isnt much i can do about it
ill plan the death of someone over a nasty look that they've given me
ill stab someone verbally over something so miniscule, ill laugh about it whilst stabbing them
i dont laugh
i dont smile
i dont like being social
and my small pathetic ability to be sympathetic is upped to being non-existent

im going into isolation from the outside world this whole week
and it does kinda help considering im already broke
and it does kinda help considering i have 4 gigs worth of tv to watch at home

boo to being so sensitive to my hormones
i really wish i had a pair of balls
i swear, everything would be made so much easier
i would be so cut throat i swear

even if i accepted this whole hormonal thing,
i would much prefer to even feel motherly and cry over puppies and weddings and buy laura ashley bedsheets *hee hee germz*
rather than feel like im going to turn into a serial killer at any given moment

anyhoo, not much i can do either than to bitch and whine
so take note of when these kinda posts are coming and and start avoiding me based on this 31 day cycle :)

xL

adorarlo para siempre; nunca aislar

im procrasinating by blogging
im supposed to be at the gym bodybalancing
pfft
i shouldn't have done this whole blog thing
now i feel the pressure to come up with witty things to say
or even subjects of actual importance that commands me writing about it
and i cant keep on writing about my alcoholic ways
cos that would inadvertently be broadcasting that im dependent on the substance
which i really quite am
but i still love my nicotine so much more though
*sigh*
evidently, i need my little addictions to keep me chugging on

and my life isn't at all depressing
its pretty effing sweet actually
and i believe the best writing comes out of a tortured soul
like alanis in the 90s
not current-alanis-who-is-shacking-up-with-ryan-hot-stuff-reynolds

the only thing that is actually bugging me is that how absent rosebud has been
its gotten to the extent of when she is home, i feel uncomfortable
she's off again tomorrow
and off again in two weeks
talk about the perfect dysfucntional family of 3

mother: hangs out with a bunch of psychotic pre-menapausal women who encourages her 'alternative' ways of raising her children;travels everywhere and at any given moment;is very loud; is very temperamental;can be described as terribly irrational
first child: addicted to anything and everything; can't be in one place for too long; has a rather significant identity crisis problem;omg, lets not even continue on....im sure we all dont have all day to delve into the many issues that are habouring inside me
second child: has an even more significant identity crisis (looks indian/malay, is chinese, raised in australia, thinks she's jamaican); addicted to anything and everything; will never date a chinese boy; can be even more spiteful than first child;holds deep resentment towards mother for failing to recognise that she is already 18

why im not on prozac yet amazes me

xL

ps im broke and its only been 4 days since i got paid thanks alot small eyes...there went nearly 700 on material goods *boohoohoo* can we start eating at coffeeshops from now on?

we were brave like soldiers falling down under the pale moonlight

happy birthday short stuff :) wish i was there to down that veuve with you
but have fun getting ab-so-lute-ly wasted on your birthday
its the only day of the year where you can self-indulge like that and have no one to
apologize to :) love you lots woman - you've been a fantastic friend of all sorts


its friday tomorrow
yay
i dont know who the hell i was fooling when i said i was going to de-tox
im getting my period
the detox can wait till next week or something, or whenever aunt ruby decides to leave

i hate being a chick
i get temperatmental
i get emotional
i hate things
i love things
all at the same bloody time
do you know how confusing that is for me? let alone everyone else that crosses my path?

work is al-right
nothing to shout about, but nothing to whine about either
other than the fact that i was here till 10 on monday
*cries*
but i got paid
so everything does kinda sorta somehow evens out

im rather neutral at the moment, which makes for a boring blog
im going to bed this saturday night for those who would like to join me ;)
in a hardly non-kinky sense
its a new bar on asian heritage row

xL