try to grow one ball at least

the long weekend is nearly here
4 days off, cos im getting my monday off
4 days of complete self indulgence
4 days of not having to get up at 9am

so they have thrown the concept out of the window
they dont want to infringe on copyright issues
you damned fools, just say you're not brave enough to go with it
that you want to stay in your closed little box forever
that you're not willing to take it to another level
just say it and dont beat around the bush
saying that, im going to come back after my 4 days to hell on earth
so fuck yes im going to enjoy it then

im crazy in love with estranged's itu kamu
thats me supporting the malaysian music scene
oh and along with isaac entry who's voice is really like jack johnson
really wan
serious

ive got nothing to blab about
ive found a new addiction called online shopping
which is really awful because i dont even need to move to spend money
which means, i could just be sitting here and i can go broke
which means, i'll have all these beautiful clothes
and no where to go cos i'll be broke
catch 22 really

the thing told rosebud about her relationship with the stoner
and now rosebud is all flustered because she doesnt know where she went wrong
and has been lecturing me on how not to settle so young
what she doesnt realise
is that its all her fault and that she is really just insulting herself
and im god damn pissed off because she is seriously underestimating us
she might as well be looping us into the same category
as those girls who just slut around and havent even finished their degree
with the hopes of becoming an air stewardess, which is, if you ask me,
is just a prostitute in the air
whatever
respektah to you utilising your vagina to its maximum potential
and may them flaps become so loose you really do fall down that barstool

im off to singapore on friday
to shop and eat and shop and eat and party my life away
all my weeks at the gym
is going to be shot to hell
as im surely going to come back as bloated as a pregnant whale
jesus, what a thought

so selamat hari kemerdekaan to our beloved malaysia
but im off to celebrate it in our neighbouring country

xL

there is no such thing as silver lining

need to vent
my life is over starting last week
im going to have no life till the end of september
and this is the time I chose to be all healthy
to not drink during the week
to detox and be less...umm..toxic
0_0
i know right... shock horror disbelief
who says i dont know perfect timing?

and the best thing is
singapore is confirmed
pher got the act together for us
and tickets are arranged
and jovy is there for accomodation
and i dont even know if i can go

and on top of that
smalleyes is leaving me in aroundabouts 3 weeks
dont go! wait till january 08 and we go together gether
be a friend :)

as so eloquently put, it sucks to be me

xL

the conclusion of santana's maria

im thinking of taking this blog down
i realised that i dont need people to know what im doing all the time
neither do i need to report it all the time
if i needed a cathartic release
i could always just dear diary the motherfucker

so if there are no posts for awhile
you can always just msn or call or sms me
technology is quite amazing nowadays

but before that
a huge thank you
for all the safety nets that all of you have put up around me
i tried them this week and they all worked :)
thanks for listening, thanks for the hugs and thanks for the tissues :)
kleenex must make a killer from break ups
thank you for saying you would be there for me
and thank you for actually being there
thank you for knowing me so well to stop asking when i didnt feel like answering
thank you for sitting by me and holding my hand
i never ever knew that i had this much support
and ironically, i have never felt this loved
thanks to those over the seas, especially you shanti
those little words across the screen never meant so much
and thanks to those nearest to me now
very cliched, but your mere presence comforts me a great deal
especially when we gather with wine and food

so now its time to de-clutter

x L

sweet you rock and sweet you roll

they say karma is a bitch
and hell yes, she is swinging her bat at me hard this time
and now here i am hanging my dirty laundry out
something that i promised myself that i would never do

i know you dont want to talk to me
i know that ive fucked up badly
i know that you're always going to look at me as the one to blame
and ill accept that ive had my share of wrongdoings
but god damn, it still takes two hands to clap in this situation
and you think that i have broken you?
im sitting here, at my desk at 11.30am, about to cry
and i would have never allowed that to happen before
but here i am, all decked out to go in for a presentation
and i cant think about anything else but how this is playing out
you ask me why i always placed you at arms length?
this is why - this is exactly why...so ill never have to crash like this
and here i am crashing like a ton of bricks

so now that it has come to this
where you dont even want to talk to me
where everything you have ever said doesnt seem to matter
because it doesnt hold any strength to your claim
i cant even talk to you because your finger will always be pointing at me
and there are only so many times i can say im sorry
and only so many justifications to be made
before it falls on deaf ears
you hear me tell you that nothing is going on here
and really, nothing is going on here
but somewhere along the line, trust slipped out
and doesnt even think our relationship is worth coming back to

so lo and behold the beginning of the end
id like to try to savour something from this 7 years
but you're not making it easy for me to do so
so now your wish is granted
for us to part where you will walk away blaming me
and ill finally just walk away
because according to you, thats what i do best

you asked for transparency, well here it is, in all her blazing glory
and in my emotional instability
where i make the best of my decisions
im off to london in january
because thats another one of my better traits isnt it?
running away
ive always said that im good at some things and bad at some
so i might as well embrace what im good at at

by the way, if there is anything here you don't understand
please use a dictionary or call someone
but please don't ask any of your friends
as they all seem to be unable to use their brain
to grasp any concept that goes beyond playing someone else's music

xL