take me to the place where you go

you have no idea how estatic i am that im going to sabah tomorrow
im banking on the "not-being-in-kl" part for NYE to start a new year
i think if you put me in penang on the beach i'll be pretty happy too
thats how much i need to get out of kl
the best part is, the minute i get on the plane, i close the chapter for 07
whatever has happened, has happened
ill try my hardest not to look back at 07 with misery or anger
ill try my hardest to realise that shit happens and we learn from it
AND MOVE ON

i cannot cry about what has happened anymore because frankly im exhausted
i cannot live in a drunken or drugged haze anymore because i cant make rational decisions
i cannot want to go to sleep and when i close my eyes, im haunted
i cannot irritate and frustrate the lives out of my friends anymore
basically, i just want to get over this
so i will and i promise you that the next post for the new year will be a little more positive

i think that in itself is a new years resolution enough, no?
and here are the little ones that really don't need until a new years for someone to make
1. to figure out a somewhat realistic 5 year plan of which by the time its over, im not still financially reliant on rose
2. to go to the gym a little more often
3. to reduce the smoking and the drinking - see, im being realistic as fo sho im not going to quit
4. to find a plan for 2008 and stick to it no matter what. im not even going to say what im going to do until ive finalised it
5. to find something better to do with my time than be fake to people i dont think very highly of
6. to do the audition with khadeeds gbb fool
7. stop searching for a little while and be satisfied at where im at
8. to not have any relationship with anyone :)

happy new years people
i know we're all over the place at the moment, but it was good catching up the other day.
may the new years bring you lots of happiness and love and smiles
now i dont have to send out mass sms-es right?

xL

2 more days is my new chant

the entire day today, ive been chanting like a fool "2 more days 2 more days 2 more days"
you get the idea la
christmas was merry
christmas was filling
i have never eaten so much meat in one damn day
i cant even eat now and its been 12 hours
and i always eat

we, as in all 4 of us, not just me
need to leave to sabah like right now
no one is being productive
no one is focusing
and this is just getting ridiculous to the extent that its a joke
how can you get random holidays scattered all over december and expect us to be productive

i need to go home

xL

adios 2007

a summary of 2007 from my point of view, the only point of view in my life that matters
starting from the most basic, to the most in depth
a post that i cannot not do, if i want 2008 to be all about fabulosity ;)

movies
1. transformers
2. 300
3. superbad
4. knocked up

tv
1. weeds
2. grey's anatomy
3. greek spanks khadeeds. i want cappie
4. brothers & sisters

music
1. common
2. new comer
3. JT
4. rhythms del mundo : buena vista social club

the hottest places ive gone to this year
1. hanoi
2. cambodes
3. macau
4. the islands that malaysia has to offer

the events that defined 2007
1. jumping off the boat in halong bay
2. my tattoo
3. my fabulously glamorous 23rd
4. small eyes leaving me
5. have that one promise broken

what 2007 has taught me
1. that i dont know it all. that i think i know it all, and thats where the trouble and the drama starts. you are your own worse enemy
2. that you cant please everyone, all the time. that you'll always have critics. as long as you don't offend anyone, you're good to go
3. that as you get older, you understand more, the more you understand, the more complicated things are
4. that as you get older, the problems get more complex
5. that you can be all about fabulousity without a man on your arm. in fact, you're better being fabulous alone than have another one drag you down

what im implementing
1. KL is too small. so im getting the fuck out of here. too much drama with hanging out with too many people. i have my COGs and that's all i need at the end of the day and a bottle of wine
2. to be on my own, with no commitment to anybody
3. to learn to manage my expectations better therefore less dissapointment
4. to give more credit to gut instincts
5. the end of 2007 has absolutely wrecked me and i have exactly a week to make sure it ends with some positive energy

so thats pretty much it
its christmas eve and im ready to get the fuck out of the office at 3.30pm
again, merry christmas, especially small eyes who is the only one not back here this time around
we're missing you crazy GBB...well i am lor :)

xL

4 steps

apparently there are 4 steps to recovery
hurt
anger
acceptance
recovery

i think im hovering around the acceptance/recovery stage at the moment
apparently each step involves getting absolutely shifaced
which ive been doing enough of late
ive decided that the rest of december calls for me being on a liquid diet
and for january and february to detox GBB

nearly everyone is back, and i mean everyone
even those from london who dont come back over xmas are back
the singaporeans are back
the australians are back
you get the gist, everyone is home and its pretty damn nice

im seriously boredom at work at the moment
no one seems to be in, everyone is on leave
so im here, being a facebook whore and writing nonsense on my blog
i dont know why you guys read this la, im doing this to entertain myself
and ive also decided on what i want for christmas

1. to travel. period. fullstop. nothing more

travelling at the moment will just soothe everything
some say its living in denial, then fine, i'll live in denial
some say that im just running away, then goddamn let me run far
id like to say that i just want to get out of here
summer 08 is still on, everyone is now invited, however, only if u dont have a dick
dicks just fuck things up

oh and have a merry christmas lovers

xL

'tis the season to be.....

its for some reason starting to really feel like the festive end of the year season that seemingly has been dead until this week
maybe its because tomorrow is a holiday, because we muhibbah
and again on tuesday and again the tuesday after that
:D

monday was absolute fucking shite
so what do we do?
we met, we drank 2 bottles of white, and everything seemed to feel better after that
maybe they say that misery loves company
but my company was fab and they made me feel like everything i was carrying on my shoulders melted away after that
that was nice, that helped

so whats in store for new years?
sabah. thats fucking right
an island hopping, cocktail drinking, sunset watching, scuba diving, hammock lazying new years
with no one to scream, be drunk or step on our toes
we can get lazily drunk on rum or whatever they drink there
and just lie there under the stars and fucking think 'this is life'

im fucking lazy to blog

xL

REALLY? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE FOR ME?

note this
so when it rains, it seems to goddamn pour
and when you think that its all done and accounted for
when you think it cant rain any harder
when you look up and start screaming "is that all you have got for me?"
no
there is still a whole lot more shit, where the initial shit came from
and it manages to take you to new levels of low
especially the levels of low, where you have the power to say, okay, enough is enough
so here, enough is enough
i get to be angry

im sorry it took me so long to grasp this and figure it out
i should have done it sooner
but saying that, if i did, it would have been done because it was 'the thing to do'
so i didnt do 'the thing to do', i gave myself time to sort it out internally
to figure out what path was the best for me to walk down
with the intention to 'jaga hati'
i havent found the damn path, maybe because there isnt one
so im taking a shovel and paving it myself
and finally deciding that, im not confused, im not so so, im not hesitating
because i wanted damn clarity and here it all is

so plan A is fucked, scrap plan B cos its taking too long
in fact, fuck the plans la okay
cos they never go as planned and they rely on unreliable factors to guarantee its damn success
so scrap planning
im going to do something drastic
like how i did went i left australia to spain and never returned
yeah, along those lines
they said amsterdam is not a bad place

xL

as good as it gets

christmas carols are starting to gain some major fucking airplay on the radios
cannottakeit.com.my/fuckchristmas
i mean really right, christmas is really overrated
santa doesnt bloody exist, so yeah, we believed a lie until we were 6
and even if he did exist, we gots no chimneys for the fat fool to come down from
i cant really see santa climbing up 3 floors to my apartment
and trying to break in after rosebud installed a security system and 3 locks
logistically, santa can't do it

so im not elaborating about the events that have past
because thats just a downright waste of my time
and also because i have a constant reminder of the pain anyway
i've already vented
and frankly, im gonna take the unhealthy route of alcohol and bottling it up

im not going to have a life after january the 3rd
two big briefs are coming in, which means, i've surrendered any ounce of a social life
i guess thats what happens when you have shit all to do for 2 months
and go for 3 hour lunches and come in at 10am and leave at 5.30am
life is rather a bitch

which brings me to asking, is this as good as it gets?
do i get to strive for a little more, or will i get a door slammed in my face?
do i need to be ambitious or will i just be dissapointed?
why fucking try if at the end of the day, it just wont work out
what if there are no fairytales
and what if you really cant be all you want to be?
i mean, fuck following your dream if it isnt realistic
maybe we are still naive and think that its all true
and just like when we were 6, we then realise
santa doesnt exist

xL

we're set for 08

its already december
and really, its like time as gone haywire
cos it seems like it was just last week that it was christmas 06
holy freaking cow

so ive finally done my tattoo and im pretty happy with it
it was 2.5 hours of absolute suffering
and hell no, im not going to be macho and say it was a breeze
cos it wasnt
if anything, the first 2 hours were okay, i was fine
then it was the last half an hour where i swear i was going to pass out
i felt dizzy and my body was turning against me
but when i look at my ass, its all worthwhile :D
so small eyes, i'll send you the photo soon

and then, in the process of reinvention
i chopped my hair off
now its bloody short, well for me la, who has been carting around long hair for the longest time. it was a very liberating feeling

so the weekend and last night saw:
1. my tattoo and movies under the stars on friday, i do well pr-ing my ass off for my clients
2. me saying toodles to my locks and saying HELLO WHITNEY! yeah huh, we saw whitney. we stayed till 12.45 pm to see whitney. but whitney was grand, altho im suspect of her voice, but we'll leave it at that. thanks kunt.um for the tickets.
3. the drunken fools coming down from perth and singapore to unite in a blazing alcoholic type glory. it was embarassing to say the least, but great fun at the same time :) photos on facebook to verify the madness
4. us celebrating sakai's 23rd at the apartment. it was good to catch up with everyone again. as everyone is now crazy busy, and all over the place creating all sorts of havoc. so it was good to shout at each other and be stupid and laugh gbb last night.

so seeing the year is coming to an end
all sorts of nonsensical activities are going on
from crazy parties, to closing the books, to moving departments, to everyone coming back to home base - i love december
ive been forced to clear my leave this year, as i still have days left over
i know right, especially since ive been travelling gbb
so im on leave thursday and friday

we've managed to sort of, maybe, kinda, nearly 60% finalised new years
so well done us :)
whatever it is, as long as the company is good and there is a truckload of alcohol, im sure that we will have a goddamn blast

xL