the perfection of being messy

i need to detox now more than ever
it was a weekend of absolute indulgence
i definitely hit all 7 sins

gluttony: to the extremes that you wouldn't believe
friday night- a bottle of belvedere vodka, the kind where u dont taste the alcohol...the kind where the next thing you know, you're flat on the floor hee hee..thanks for the care small eyes :) i owe you one
saturday- stayed off the alco but indulged in so much food
sunday- bubbly buffet @ westin. omfg. its a buffet where you don't even have to get of your ass for the food. it comes to you. i can't express how fantastic that felt

greed: a sin of excess. most def.
sloth: lying in a pimped out bed with veuve rose.
wrath: i didn't believe i encountered hatred or anger. i was too drunk to do anything but love
envy: uh no.
pride: der. its me
lust: hell yes

i need to detox
im not going to drink or eat anything disgusting for the next few weeks
but then again....

i miss him
as much as i think i can be independent, the moment he comes back into my life..i go all gooey and soft
it's like he comes into my life with all these missing pieces that i had no idea i didnt have in the first place, pieces me up together again and just makes everything perfect
sigh
im such a chick sometimes, my insecurities always playing up
goddamned hormones i wanna take it like a man

its back to monday again
i just want to go back to last friday

xL

all the world's a stage

And all the men and women merely players
They have their exits and their entrances
And one man in his time plays many parts

i agree with shakesy
you go through so much in life-- your experiences, the pain, the tears, the smiles, the love...
how do you stay the same?
to me, it seems like an exciting prospect...of absorbing everything new, to mold yourself
im thrilled really knowing the huge capacity to be someone different, that you can be better than who you are now
it makes life seem less dull
evidently, it hugely depends on your own personal capacity of being open to change

blah

i cant be philisophical on a friday afternoon after 5 days off
and two bottles of wine last night
i feel like absolute shite
*whine*
and i cant blame anyone except for myself
*cries*
and the lights in the office are so bright that im so tempted to wear my sunglasses
but as it is, they question my mental stability...
so i better not :)

i need to sleep

oooo..
listen to scissor sister's ta-da!
and im reading agent provocateur's collection of erotic stories
which isn't at all dirty or internet-porn-ish
it does have class the cover is so sexy..black and pale pink with a satin bookmark
and it does speak for the woman "who is in control, who wants to be controlled or who just wants to lose control" :)
it's hardly the book you hide in shame amazon it first if u need to
first book is called confessions and the second is called secrets

im definitely hungover
i've jumped from shakespear to erotic stories
wargh

xL

loft tonight for those in kl as he is spinning

take off that mask and shake your ass for me

happy birthday rammers!!!! you're going to get old and wrinkly and paralysed from the waist down soon...so enjoy your years where you can walk, talk, eat and piss all by yourself ;P
love you lots my melayu ho chica!

tomorrow is monday
and i dont have to go to work
and the next day is tuesday
and i'll still be sleeping in
and the day after is wednesday
and ill be wondering what to do after lunch
oh the sweetness of being in a multi cultural country
ill be happy to get along with any race as long as they keep them holidays coming :)

small eyes and i berjogeted in velvet last night
that was our weekly dose of exercise
and after that, we progressed on to petaling st. to stuff our faces with pork and noodles
and we are now stuffing our faces with fried rice
why we aren't obese with diabetes and high cholesterol problems yet is beyond me

xL

and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

omg
ive been so freaking busy i havent even blogged
im blogging.....from home
*stone*
i dont think i even need to elaborate the fact that i only blog at work to pass time
and now i cant blog cos i have no time to pass
*stone*

im so glad i have 5 days off from tomorrow onwards
i literally get to switch off and not really give a damn

had the worse meeting ever today
mr. client-who's-ego-is-so-huge-its-actually-taken-over-the-space-in-his-head-for-his-brain decided to go mental at us today
he actually pointed his finger at me
which i was tempted to bite it off :)

and he had the animosity to say "why do you need to know the mechanics of how these things work? aren't you just the art people?"
*stone*

and cos one of his suppliers couldnt open a file that we sent to him, due to the supplier being stupidly ignorant and not telling us his old school pc couldnt open certain files
mr. client-who's-ego-is-so-huge-its-actually-taken-over-the-space-in-his-head-for-his-brain actually spat out "for their educational purposes....they" *eyeing me* "need to realise that 99% of the rest of the world doesn't use a mac..they use pc-s"
AS IF WE DIDN'T KNOW
motherfuckingignorantasshole

wahlan
i had to bite my tongue so seriously hard that if i bit any harder it would have fallen off

*exhale*

anyways
small eyes and i went on an eating marathon last weekend till i think there was food coming out of our eyeballs and we made a mutual promise not to see each other till the next weekend...
which is tomorrow
hi small eyes!
it all started off from a binge session at food foundry, progressing to 7ate9 where we drank okay, i lie...i drank...and lala drank...small eyes stayed happily sober
which was followed by roti babi the next day, delicious at night, viet for lunch the next day with pancakes for tea
can you say bloated?
we are a serious bad influence on each other but i wouldnt have it any other way :)

***************
for some reason, according to history, there are seasons to different things
like the weather...well in kl, its just hot & dry or hot & rainy
so there is a season for breaking up and going into absolutely vicious fights with your significant other........
like now :)

to the two who are coming to grips with being single again...
just a few thoughts:
1. you're two very strong women
2. you were fine before them and you'll be fine after them
3. i never liked those boys anyway ;)
4. karma is a bitch
5. irregardless of whichever boy you allow to hold your hand, you'll always have us girls to be behind you to catch you when you fall
i love u both muchos

to my melayus....happy raya although i doubt you paid any recognition to the fact that it was the ramadan season and actually puasa-ed but whatever
and i wish u were here so i could bum at your open houses :)
but no, seriously...happy raya

xL

ps: cambodia is still on from the 1st of feb till the 5th of feb to any takers. small eyes and i have already recruited shorty :P

skategirl L & a posse of subservient gangsta thugs

thats right

im very aware that i dont skateboard
im also very aware of my skin colour and the fact that ill never be ghetto or have it gangsta style
i dont care
if justin could move so smoothly into the realm of pharrell, snoop dogg and jay z
i believe a chigga like me could do it too :)
i told you i lost the plot hapsap

its friday :)
rosebud is off tomorrow afternoon for 5 days
which will leave the house in a zen like state with no sudden shrills or stuff being thrown from her little 'balcony' onto unsuspecting me in the living room

i finished reading 'eatpraylove' by elizabeth gilbert earlier this year
and its one of the best books ive read so far this year
it was just so beautifully told and it spoke to me
we clicked so well together, the book and i :)
she's a travel writer and its about her journey after her marriage ends to find herself and how she finds love in food, meditation and at the end of it, finds peace in herself sigh
for those who read, read it
for those non-readers, convert yourself

by the way, im over my chick lit binge that has been going on for about a good 5 years now
it was hard to part, my girls and i, but i had to cut them loose as they tying me down
i mean, their monotonous cycle of heartbreak-depression-revenge-and at the end, realising that 'the one' was under their noses the whole time got kinda boring
im onto travel and biographies now...not that you guys care la, i thought i'd just share
and it is my blog so i can crap on as much as i like about things i like and that no one else cares for and it wont bother me one bit :)

got a small revelation from my australian counterpart yesterday
about a friend who has gone MIA
i guess its time to realise that things like this happen although ive always like to believe that all of us will be BFF's and all that jazz that comes with it :) im still awaiting for the day we're being pushed around in wheelchairs with oxygen tanks trailing along
although i dont know how personally, i could just dismiss the people ive been friends with since forever started but im sure she has her own story to tell which i am eagerly anticipating and until then there's not much you can do but let it go and see if she does come around
if not, then whats to do?
chapters open and close all the time

x (skategirl) L

this whole skategirl thing came up due to my newfound love of pharrell's new album
he just rocks my socks off

curiosity killed the men

i got my name card
rosebud now believes that im legitimately employed
she was even quite hesitant about my pay...i think thoughts of prostitution and drug money did go through her head but she had no qualms about accepting the money that i *owed* her -_-
although i try to believe that she is happy about my employment i know she struggles to comprehend why anyone would want to hire me in the first place
bottom line : no faith in her first born

but thats okay
ill let that go
at least she leaves me in peace whilst jet setting all over the world

met up with the lala last night
not sure if small eyes and i just turn off after work, but goddammit, she was talking fast and the faster she talked, somehow, the angrier she got....i dont know how that happens
but it was nice to see her yesterday after so long....no, im not trying to comfort myself
and i cant wait till i see the rest of you too

spanks hapsap for calling it was nice to finally talk to you :) you better get your ass back soon, your government is has actually resorted to naming your men....the....mat cemerlangs....we cant hack it no more....come back and put an end to this insanity

i guess its the times we all actually have together that allow me to get through the times that we are apart *sniff*
mentioning that, sometimes i feel like time does stand still for us....its like we can be all over the place and when we finally come back to homeground, we can pick up where we left off
which honestly, is one of the best feelings in the world :)

okay, cant be too emo for a wednesday halfway through the wweeeeeekk!

shorty, you and me at pregos for unlimited veuve...they're chilling it as we speak

xL

when the shit hits the fan, at least you can say "motherfuckers, is that all you have?"

i want to curl up in my bed and listen to emo songs all day long.
and i want proper emo songs
i want to revisit the late 90s and have verve pipe drone on with freshmen mixed in with a little placebo and a good dose of alanis. although i do appreciate james blunt and damien rice as their predecessors. they do a great job of making me feel like absolute crap too.
omg. talk about inviting in the drama la.

its just that sometimes, everything just gets too overwhelming and all you want to do is go back to the basics.
those raw feelings.
everything else needs to just wash away for a little while whilst you indulge yourself. to sulk to cry to scream to shout. and at the end of it all just think, 'fuck that feels good'.
i guess sometimes there's just too much on your plate cos you keep on adding stuff on and it piles up higher and higher. and that one day, you just fucking need to throw it against the wall and watch it all fall to the ground
and then stomp on it all with wellington boots :)

i know, i seem pretty much wired at the moment
and yeah, i think i am and the haze situation is not helping either
i cant wait for the 5 day holiday
im going to go away to switch off and shut down

and quite frankly anyone who is happy... please just leave me alone now before i rip the rainbows and fairies that are flying out or your ass. omg, i'll have the time of my life with lala..mwhhahahhaah

xL

thank you, but ill justify it to myself first

alot of ppl have recently asked me "why did you move back to kl ar?"
and at an earlier point in time, i thought i had the answer, well i had a range of answers.
from food to the lifestyle to the climate to bumming without bills to friends to independence
and i know that it was a justfication more than an answer
something i created in my own little head, wanting not to be judged

and to be honest, why would anyone want to leave melbourne?
i was literally surrounded by ppl i loved, i could have possibly got a job if i tried hard enough i applied to 3 companies :), he was there, my little bear was there, shopping just kicked ass, work actually ends at 5!, the lifestyle was perfect, there's no haze, there's no rosebud.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

then i went to spain promising everyone that i would be back
then i tasted what it's like not having a perfect routine to abide by, not having it easy and not needing it all. you can be content with alot less. you can be happy without everything you ever relied on.

of course it was bloody tough. i cried when i was lonely, i cried when i had no clue what was going on, i cried when i was confused, i wanted to give up, i wanted to return to my little world, and yeah, it sucked celebrating your 22nd with these new people i only let into my life two weeks prior.

but at the end of it all, i realised its okay to be lost and insecure and lonely and to miss my comforts and to be so alone where no one actually spoke your language and understood your version of normality. and its okay to meet new people, understand their ideals and beliefs and being open with your own.

and once i shed all that insecurity and became that little braver, i had the time of my life.

and i guess it was then i realised that melbourne held too much for me to lean on. what started off as my wants, then became my needs. and that became toxic. i learnt that i could finally stand on my own. and that if i returned, my learning experience would have been a waste of time if i didnt grow from it.

so in that sense, thats why im back in kl. although it holds all my comforts, it challenges me too. my work is crazy, the long working hours, my pay is hardly to brag about, the clients have no mercy and driving here is stressful in its own right. and being away from them is a challenge in its own as well.

along with that, i've allowed myself to grow. im less judgmental here, also due to who i hang out with...and with that, at the end of the day, you become a less hateful person. you're able to differentiate between whats trivial and whats important. you start letting things go and appreciating the good in someone rather than focusing on the bad.

maybe you dont agree with me, maybe you still think im highly hypocritical and cynical
and thats fine too, because im gonna let that go.
you can have your opinions as long as you let me have mine

btw this post isnt supposed to have a point or to even make a point. its my own catharsis, its a great feeling when you let everything go without that fear

xL

i've never wanted something rational

total cravings for a tattoo
stupid dayve decided to go and get one which looks amazing btw, so much better than the first initial drawing. it looks different and it's original. well done dayvey. the 4 hours of pain had to be worth it :)
so im going to get one done by the end of the month
i just wanna skip the whole designing process and go straight to the needle already
ooooo the pain....so sweet....and it's been so long since the last one.
i owe myself another one *whee hee hee*

the weekend was great. saw the 3 most necessary weekend ppl. went to the wedding, which was a little extravagant bride paid the upmost attention to detail to everything! they customized the matchboxes and even customized m&m's with their names on it *awww*
but even though we were counting down the hours till it ended, it did manage to show and encompass their love which,when you think about it, is pretty hard with a chinese wedding. forever yam the singing all.
and i suppose the non stop wine did help
which progressed on to non stop whisky and vodka at 7ate9 which is aesthetically a gorgeous place --- white and blue motive with huge white couches and high bar chairs that look like it has these little massage things attached to it..just a little...stuffy..with only two toilets for the women
*stone*
talk about not doing market research dude

other than that, week is passing pretty freaking fast. its already the end of tuesday.
lala is coming soon :) i actually miss her eventhough she freaks me out *fullstop* i wont even say why because people already know the effects of lala on a long term basis

i can't wait till shorty and rammers come back for good...you are still coming back right?... kl will rock just that little bit more with a constant drinking buddy and a couch nazi who will just rule the media world :)

xL