so this will be my last post on this blog
and its truly so bittersweet
on one hand, it feels so damn sweet that im leaving
and on the other hand, it feels damn shitty that im leaving all this behind
im not going to go on about why im feeling shitty, because you all know why
so to re-cap the last 2 years ending this blog in september is pretty apt as i started it in september 2 years ago....when i started work as well!
- i started work in advertising not knowing why i chose the industry. all i knew is that it was not too "business like" and i didn't have to dress as if i had a stick up my ass. 2 years later, i got promoted and head hunted, and well well, if i come back, i'll be in a manager position. so i must say, im pretty lucky i found something i like to do. and the people i worked with? could not have asked for a better bunch of lunatics :)
- i ended up falling in love with KL once again. managed to find a routine that suited me and i had my friends. we ventured outside the box and tested ourselves on a multitude of different levels. we grew up here and we're still growing up here. KL will always be my home and it proved itself again, the 2nd time around. i heart KL.
- i travelled south east asia and found out how miraculous it was. cambodia took my breath away, standing in front of angkor wat. hanoi was just a mixture of crazy and lazy energy. thailand was a riot, showcasing how you could just have no limits but also at the same time, giving back a little internal peace.
- i ended an 8 year relationship. it was so tough, it took so much out of me and still feel the effects of it from time to time. but it shoved me onto a different plane. i mistook the love for an individual for the love of being comfortable. at 24, that is well fine. it stripped me bare and revealed my shortcomings, along with forcing me to see that we were 2 different individuals. both holding different beliefs, opinions and faults, travelling on a different road. i never developed a distaste for him, and can only wish that he finds that great ever-fulfilling happiness & peace of mind.
- the break-up led to me forcing myself to figure it out. where i stood in the world and what i wanted from it. hence, my development of belief in the universe and the flow of good and bad energy. i truly believe what you put in, you'll get out of. fear is a horrible state of mind to live in. it also has allowed me to pursue my true love, of travelling and exploration. you need to let something go, in order to let something else in.
- developed fantastic friendships....do you really want me to go there? you know i can write for ages about you guys. without sounding patronizing, you guys have done some serious growing up :) we're cried, laughed, shouted, danced, travelled & ached together. im trying to start to write something fantastic and memorable, but sometimes, feelings are hard to pin down in words
- appreciated rosebud. not living with her for 8 years and coming back to stay under the same roof takes a lot of tolerance and patience on both sides. ive come to see and understand her as an individual now, not just as my mother. and i still stand there with awe, respect and admiration. goddamn, makes it just that bit harder to leave now that i dont hate her :)
- believing in myself enough to not fake it. i have enough people around me that ive gained being the person i am. i dont find the need to be someone else anymore, althought ive never really wanted to be anyone else. im comfortable in my own skin and ill live the life i want to live. as far as im concerned, as long as i dont intentionally hurt someone, it'll all be okay.
im sure that there is more for me to write, but thats why there's the sidebar, so you guys can re-visit whenever you want :)
and i also want to say thanks so much for all that you've ever done for me. god, it seems that im leaving for good and never going to see anyone of you again...but then again, i have the ability to go and never return ;). thanks for the shoulders and the tissues. thanks for temaning me because "eh, i dont want to go alone la". thanks for layaning my nonsensical, non-realistic beliefs. thanks for saying "do it" and all the encouragement and support. thanks for having my back. whilst there was support, thanks for keeping me grounded and not let me sink too deep into denial. thanks as well for the kicks in the ass especially when it came to my choice in men ;) saying that, i have to thank the men that entered my life in the last few months, they were much entertainment to say the least :)
to top it all off, i only can hope that i was there for you, as you were there for me.
so i'll be gone for 4 months on a trip for me to "figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life". this is different from spain. i had to come back from spain, not because they would have thrown me out for overstaying my 3 months, but because i had to come back. i dont this time around. i may just join the circus over there for all you know. but please keep on following on with my other blog, i'll let you know the address once its all set up :)
ooooo this is too teary for me because its not just a blog, its seemingly an end of a chapter. and we all know that chapters have to close to have new ones open. im crossing my fingers that the new chapter will hold as much craziness, happiness, tears (because we know they come with laughter), and absurdity as this one.
i say 2 days
x L for the very last time
