cherry cola

i personally thought that the SATC movie was no fun
i totally preferred the series in comparison
maybe because they decided to stretch it to 2.5 hours
of which i even took a cigarette break in between, freaking dee out
it gave me no comfort at all towards the future
you have these 4 women, all of whom are successful in their own right
and they then go back and say "thats cool" to the men that cheated on them and left them more or less at the altar?
really? how about hell no?
and the fashion wasnt that fab and the script wasnt all that witty
maybe SATC should have left its legend behind as "6 great seasons", rather than "6 great seasons followed up by the studios trying to cash in on a movie, which was half arsed"
did seinfeld make a movie? no.
or maybe this is what happens when you watch the dark knight, nothing can live up in comparison anymore

my travel plans are finalised
mainly because i have cut out all the factors that are determining its success
like the people im travelling with because they are proving to be rather...indecisive
so here goes (for the moment):
sept: phillipines & new zealand
oct: KL to settle visas & peru
nov: chile & argentina
dec till mid jan: colombia, venezuela & brazil
im thinking 6 countries in 3 months is a little ambitious
but, goddammit im going to try
ive made wikitravel.org my bible

and because i decided not to do my masters anymore, i have the luxury of time
so nothing should stop me from continuing my quest to central america
all i have to do is go to colombia and cross to panama and say hola bitches :D
or catch a flight to cuba with a pit stop in jamaica
knowing my luck, ill be caught in a drug ring...which could be an experience
or i could keep on dreaming :) im not that delusional yet

singfest this weekend
48 hours with khadeeds
thats right

xL

drift away

i am not planning my travels anymore
its getting all too damn complex
i dont know how i turned something this simple
into a web of absolute absurdity
wwwwarrgggghhhhhhhh
i think i need to learn how to just go with the flow

it was terri's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. she didn't stop crying, chach cried cos she was crying and i started crying cos i was pms-ing :) but it was beautiful and i was just happy to be there and experience it with her. awwww...stupid weddings...for about 24 hours after that i actually believe in love, god and marriage. all of which i can hold a debate about its meaning and existence. but nevertheless, after all ive seen her go through, im glad she ended up marrying him.

hassi has officially left to the jungle. we sent her off by stuffing our faces with wendy's. which i found a thrill on its own. im sure she'll be fine. she has a knife 0_0. we now have to pray for the people she is going with

i have one month left to straighten everything out. to get my visas. to figure out to masters or not to masters (yes, over the weekend, it has turned into an internal conflict). rose is insisting that i make a stopover in KL before i proceed on to the 2nd leg of my quest to conquer the world. she thinks that ill need to rest and "get clean". then there is him...isn't there always a him? i dont know where it's all going, but it feels good. like the gut feeling good. and he acknowledged that im not that normal, that im not all that girly and that there is a high chance of me flaking out. he's still on the ride though :) thats why there's still butterflies.

xL

crawl out your window

you know its been a big night when:

1. you've been consistently drinking for 6 hours
2. you decide that your drinking partner is irish
3. everything is just whirling around you
4. you've successfully mixed wine, whisky and beer
5. it takes you longer than 5 minutes to figure out how you ended up at this bar
6. you make the toilet your friend
7. your drinking partner winds down the car window to sing bob dylan at the top of his lungs at 3am
8. "good for you, good for me!" ends every sentence
9. you bring home the glasses from the bar
10. he thinks its a grand idea to wait for the sun to come up and have breakfast with rose
11. you wake up the next day and your face is still red from the alcohol
12. you wake up the next day still drunk
13. you still smell like alcohol after a hot shower
14. rose knocks on the door and asks why is he on the couch hugging the pillow while bob dylan blasts from your laptop, when he could be sleeping in a bed?
15. this post takes you 45 minutes to write

i probably havent been this wasted for over a year. i was even pretty decent on my birthday. its nearly 4pm the next day and the hangover hasnt kicked in yet...so im still trying to decipher if im still drunk.

i dont know how south america is going to pan out, knowing im going with him and 2 other guys who dont blink an eye to having a jug of beer. each. for. breakfast. i'll probably have a righteous blast, the downside? i wont remember it at all :)

xL

to lick your heart

the dark knight was pretty fucking amazing in all aspects
i just sat there for 2.5 hours and i think that was the quietest ive ever been in a movie
i was pretty absorbed by heath ledger being the joker that i forgot the rest of the cast
to the point where i forgot it was the batman sequel....
then christian bale appeared in his tight black suit
and well, you get the point la
the movie will be bagging in those awards dude come awards season

khadeeds and i are hitting up singfest!
we're gonna bop our heads to jason mraz, emo with one republic, appease our inner 80s child with rick astley, get soulful with alicia keys and possible shake our asses to pussycat dolls
i dont know why i wasnt a copywriter
it'll be a blast next weekend

my brain has officially given up on me
i handed it my resignation and it seemed to have an immediate effect
i pretty much dont really give a shit anymore
i see work as something to fill my time with 3 hr lunches
:)
nevertheless, i did tell them i'd endeavour to see that my jobs are completed and will be handed over smoothly :) i aim for a great referral letter

they also told me when my last day is
i mis-calculated by a week
i shouldnt have taken so many holidays,
then i could have cashed in my leave for an early release
now L's travel timeline is delayed by a week
le sigh

palau from the 6th of sept anyone?

xL

little pink pills

i have to understand that when travelling you should not plan
and im telling myself that whilst im doing up an excel spreadsheet
of cost, time and fucking predicted weather circumstances
this is what happens when you work
you become a control freak that cannot leave anything to chance
especially in advertising
you cannot, cannot, cannot rely on any factor for the job's success
outdoor photoshoot?
find the biggest, industrial strength fan to blow away the rain clouds
crazy, non-negotiable timeline?
turn into a crying, pleading, shouting dictator that shows no mercy
product launch in 2 weeks?
make a deal with god and satan at the same time
easy fucking peasy

this week was the first week in at least 2 months where i have not been running around like a headless chicken
and trust me when i tell you that it feels super to sleep for 12 hours
and it feels even better not having to look at the clock and wonder why its 8pm already when the last time you looked, it was 9am?
and it takes the cake when you look in the mirror and dont look like death warmed up
but the glory of it all seeing the press ads and all the collaterals (that you worked your ass off for) that's sitting pretty in the branches
yeah, job satisfaction, thats what i aim for

i was going to type, remind me of this post when im bitching abut a campaign
but i forgot
i leave in 6 odd weeks :D

xL

smitten

i dont care, this is my damn blog, so its going to fucking have the sun shine out of its arse
i wouldnt have guessed 10 days ago, that i'll be sitting here all happy
and i mean, disgustingly, annoyingly happy
ive finally got my plans in order!
ive finally resigned!
i have 47 days till i get to jump on a plane and fuck out of here :)
not that i dont love KL, but you guys get it
my biggest stress and hesitation for resigning and leaving was that i didnt have anyone to travel with and that concerned rose a fair bit
so i came up with grand plans of raleigh international in costa rica
i had plans to surf and dive in bali for 2 months, which is still my backup plan
i had plans to backpack the states and sleep on friend's couches
i had plans for studying mandarin in beijing
now i have a grand plan which triumphs all the plans above
and i have people to do it with :)

the best part of it all was that they came down to KL last weekend
we hung out, we ate half of KL, we drank half of KL dry, we got stuck in jams and they met rose of who thought they were pretty decent :D
so i have a plan for september which should take me to mid october
of which i plan to get back to KL and sort out london 2009
then im off to a country that has been on my mind for awhile to celebrate new years with a bunch of people that i met 10 days ago
i understand that for normal people there are hesitations
but ive been wanting to do this and its like god threw it in my face and said "here you go, a little gift, enjoy"
sure, they could be serial killers
sure, they could get me into a lot of trouble
sure, they probably have no boundaries either
and sure, i could get eaten by a donkey

and then there's him
of who brought the butterflies back

sickening right?

xL

i did it

i finally threw it in
and its very bittersweet
because i do truly like what i do and i do truly love the people i work with
i like that i can come in whenever i want, dressed however i want
i like that i was recognised so early in my career
i like that they can trust me to handle the job
i like that i didnt even consider this industry
but i came through 2 years later, a better person than when i started

i dont mind the clients sometimes
i dont mind the 20 hour days
i dont mind the crazy workload
so it was hard when he asked "why do you want to leave?"
i had no good reason, i had no good answer
the most puzzling thing is why am i leaving the place that i love so much?

ill probably regret this a little in the next two months
im sure i will
i always do this to myself
i have something good, then i get comfortable, then i freak out
whatever it is, this decision i made for myself will challenge me
and at 24, im all up for the challenge
because i may think that im alright now, but there is so much room to be better

goddammit, i survived the last two months now didnt i?
maybe 2008 didnt pose that many difficulties
maybe it just threw me a few curve balls...
to see if i could handle being a stronger, better person
as someone said to me, god doesnt throw you what you cant handle

xL

see how they fly

stolen from postsecret.com

i know that ive been such a bitch about aging
that ive concluded that i need botox
and that im going to use all my savings on a boob lift
probably i will
but at the same time, ive seen some beautiful faces
with just wrinkles around the eyes from smiling
and ive thought that it must be so liberating being proud of that rather than trying to conceal it
it has showed that you have lived
probably through heartache, but many laughs and smiles too,
and you've embraced everything life has offered you
*
had dinner with hussy last night
and we both thought that it was odd, but fortunately weird
that we all know that we're going to end up in a retirement village together
everyone who was there when this conversation happened, no one questioned it
it was almost as if going
"yeah, we're going to be together when we're 70, probably as sinful and debaucherous, as loud and as crazy, still not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks. that we would be happy together"
we assumed would have gone through our 3rd divorce? or be a bitter widow? a single woman?
i dont have another group of people that i have this faith with
and it comforts me so much that at 70, i'll be looking at either one of you, reminiscing about "way back when"
but please, make sure that i die once i lose my memories and my mind and have my ashes scattered on a beach somewhere
*
god, a little emo for a thursday afternoon

xL

koh tao :)

koh tao is pai on the beach
i got everything that i planned to get from this trip
every single item that i wrote about in the previous post?
i got it all plus more ;)
i have this constant goofy smile on my face right now
and im sure its going to annoy an entire lot of people
but you know what?
fuck it :D

koh tao had a million great moments of which:
- i danced barefoot under the moonlight and a blanket of stars. of which totally represented every single word in mr. tambourine man. we ran in at midnight to red hot chili peppers and floated, just totally in love with the moment.
- the first night in koh tao, i had an intense moment with the ocean. i stood on beach, just in silence absorbing all her glory. if the ocean was a man, we would have the most passionate relationship. i had the craziest, almost posessed moment where i needed to run in. and i did :)
- the buckets. 250 baht. apparently still pretty expensive, but gave us great fun
- diving. it gave me what i needed. diving to me is like mcdonalds. the reassurance of getting that calm zen where every single one of your worries melts away and you just go "i get it now, thanks god, i get it now"
- we ran around in nearly nothing. a totally liberating feeling
- met a entire lot of gorgeous people. no old fat german men, with sunburnt bodies :)
- everyone was backpacking. all probably either escaping or looking for that moment. and its pretty safe to say that everyone who went there got what they went there to get. i did
- abseiling down a 33 metre cliff and cliff jumping in after that. the rush wasnt as intense as i expected but nevertheless, still a great feeling cos the view was amazing
- met someone pretty special. it was passionate and we connected on a crazy level. it brought me back to being a teenager, where you just didnt give a fuck about what anyone else thought, and was just fulfilled from the moment itself. eloping was a possibility in my mind. i want to go on about this, but i want to keep it to myself as well. it was one of my most happiest experiences, because it was one of the most pure ones. nothing dirty, nothing sleazy, just the beauty of connecting with another human.
- the whole trip, we ate like 5 meals. for me, i just had no appetite, almost as if every one of my senses was satisfied. filling my body with food was just not on my mind.
- the bastards of sandflies from perhentian found me. but i was prepared with medication this time. ate one at 3pm, at 8pm, i looked at my food and went "fuck this, too much effort". could not do it.
- sitting at the bar that overlooked the sunset, with a chang in my hand and listening to jack johnson. so very cliche, but did it for me.
- hung out with 4 other people who made the experience just crazy fun. it's great to connect with people from the other side of the world, who just get you.
- got that all encompassing happiness, where every single sorrow i had, just melted away.
- i know what to do in september
- realised that anita and i do have boundaries and we are not as dangerous to each other as people assume that we are going to be. so nyeh.
- too many other smaller moments, of which im not going to write about, but made the trip
- developed a really disgusting hate for koh samui. no major bad experience, just really, really bad energy from that place. it just emitted something i did not want in my life.

im done writing about this
i fell in love with the entire trip
if this is what my 20s is supposed to be about, then just watch me milk it for all its worth for the next 6 years

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're all drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all precious gifts
But you'd better take your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
- bob dylan, like a rolling stone

x the happiest L for a very long time

out of reach

i have less than 12 hours until my great escape
im crazy excited and hopefully it will give me a better grasp of what i want to do september onwards....either that, or fuck me up completely, leaving me totally lost...again
then again, if you don't try, you'll never know :)

in 12 hours, i get to
- turn off my phone
- go "email? work? RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"
- listen to my ipod and read a book
- lie in a hammock
- hear the waves and feel the sand
- get blind drunk and dance barefoot
- hang out down below the ocean and find my zen
- portray myself as the 'healthy, sporting' type and abseil
- be as silly as the situation calls for
- run around in as little as possible because we can
- build sandcastles
- find hot tattooed boys with full sleeves because i sure as hell can
- cross my fingers and hope to find that all encompassing happiness that you feel from your little toe to the top of your head

saying that, ive become comfortable with being in kl again
im going to crawl out of my socially reclused shell soon
i better stop with these little bouts of escapism
cos im very close to escaping so damn much that i cant differentiate between what i should be doing, need to be doing, or want to be doing
someone i truly respect, sat me down one day and told me
"i cant remember my 20s, because i spent it chasing. i chased everything i could - career, love... i cant remember my 20s, because i never appreciated the moment for the moment. if you want to do something, then do it. dont think about 'the future' or its 'consequences'. just do it"
holla.

i dont think im chasing anything
maybe im just looking for moments that will make my 20s
or maybe i should just stop looking and let them come to me?
my great moments had no planning
ah its all too philosophical for me right now
live and let live i say

xL