you didnt think id show up with my army, this ammunition on my back

this week took hectic to another level.
like meeting after brief after talking after shouting.
i've driven to the client's office enough times to drive there in my sleep.

and all this just exhausted me and left me feeling so freaking dead inside.
its the white light i swear and suicidal kl drivers
and just when i thought that i would collapse due to fed-upness, not eating right and just plain exhaustion from everything...

i got a call

my dress/es (the guy that owns the store was so nice and brought in 4 different colours for me to choose from :) and no, its not cos he wants to get in my pants...he bats for the other team ) have come in :)
i know, so shallow, so materialistic.

but it couldn't have come at a better time and thats what made me happy.
i have a wedding to go to this weekend and i was totally stressing about what to freaking wear.
already i dont have time even to figure out what i wear on a daily basis,
i sure as hell didn't have the time to run from shop to shop to find something for a wedding

so now i have something to wear yay!
and its going to be a rockin' weekend cos i have free time, get to spend time with the chachi/small eyes/davey-poo without rushing and go to a wedding with lots of booze involved

i couldn't think of anything better

bring on more weekends

xL

visually addictive, aesthetically pleasing

i decided last weekend that maybe i shouldn't push myself into having a social life if my body can't take it. going out after work and arriving home only at 4.30 the next morning is just plain stupid and i think my body was trying to tell my so.
for the whole of saturday, i had ONE EYE TEARING. i thought i had some kinda tumour growing behind my eye causing this non stop cry fest.
i was crying during yoga, i was crying whilst tanning, i was crying while eating...
the only silver lining is that it stopped after my binge fest on beer on saturday night.

rather ironic if you ask me

other than the fact that i physically cant have a social life and the fact that i can only end this dry spell at the end of october (im bringing this up because im getting my period soon and i get bouts of horniness before it)-----im doing fine.

im resorting to retail therapy, booze, the sun and good company (spank oo to those who i annoy till no end. i *heart* you long time :) ) to keep me a little sane. but then again, who said sane is good? maybe im just going to let loose and go mad soon ;) arguments can be made that i have already reached this level and the consequences were rather...negative

b, you need to get here quick fast dude.

xL

ps: there are talks abt cambodia for new years between small eyes and i if anyone is mildly interested...we are going to rough it, so those who need 3-5 star accomodation, constant air conditioning, and rely on vehicle transportation.....please dont even consider yourself eligible :)
i can't wait...watching the first sunrise of the new year in cambodia preferbly angkor wat will just be nothing short of amazing

we're not that different, you and i

argh. my previous posts have been so angry.
cannot.
no.
i will not let work bully me into bitterness although i already do harbour a whole lot of that along with cynicism, anger, hatred, spite, etc (lets not get into it la, we dont have all day).
I think I have to start appreciating things as they are rather than mock it, roll my eyes at it, get pissed off it it, or purely despise it. after all, its only been 2 weeks, how can i start hating that much? imagine me after 2 years...confirm dead.

I will appreciate (for my pure benefit) :
-that my boss is not a slavedriver. he at least understands that we do have a life outside work
-that the people i work with are so nice and put up with all the mistakes that ive been making
-that i make a fair amount for a fresh grad
-that i have not signed my soul over to the devil and therefore am able to do my masters next year (this is what is pulling me through morethan anything)
-that i can pretty much wear what i want to work (okay la, no booty shorts or tops that have my tits hanging out - which pretty much means i have a reason to get a new wardrobe)
-that if things get too stressful i can run downstairs to hang out with people who cheer me up
-that i only have to walk 30 seconds to the stairwell to smoke
-that i have the best sleep ever now considering i do have time to go to the gym after work
-that i have longer than an hour for lunch allowing me to go outside of the area to meet other people, therefore not diminishing my social life

im making this list so if things do turn sour, at least i can look back and not be that much of a hater. its like those lists that cosmo makes you make and repeat in front of a mirror ie. i AM gorgeous, i AM beautiful, all that crap la. i mean, if you are so beautiful then why don't you have a man to love you huh? :)

at least im trying not to hate. lets see some credit

xL

a hip hopping hobo

weekends are too short. 2 days. 48 hours.
how the hell can you fit any enjoyment into that short a time?
so i didn't even bother trying sourcing outside fun.
i stayed home friday, armed with my laptop and a collection of grey's, weeds and house.
and i was in my own little nerd like bliss for 5 hours.

i yoga-ed on saturday and am still reeling from the aches in places i didnt even know served a function. so i went for a massage after that, leaving with the new found knowledge that they stretch your ears too. that was followed by my salute to the sun gods.
i was pulled out of my isolation on saturday night to be social in starfucks. which turned out to be a 4 hour conversation of complete nothingness, which pleased me till no end.
sunday afternoon was spent traditionally at the markets, which was followed traditionally by a visit to tsb for wine and funghi pizza. yum. *big fat smile*
ultimately satisfied knowing i hit my quota of sun, wine and sleep.

then came monday.
got locked out of a server.practically inhaled lunch in 15 minutes. car got scratched whilst finding the elusive parking spot. influx of 'just minor changes that NEED to be done'. stupid kl drivers.
all signs that the rat race has once again begun.

i cant see the silver lining

xL

benevolent to a fault

its friday. jumaat. viernes.
*the angels sing my song*
i finally understand the term "thank god its friday" due to my pathetic lack of work experience before this job.
i actually got up...happy :) *satisfied sigh & smile* its nice to know that ive still got the ability to feel happiness okayylaaa...im exaggerating, the job isn't bad...i just prefer to be free of responsibilities and obligations and this ache in my temples from staring at the computer

i was talking to him yesterday and i actually toyed with the idea of being a wife.
like a proper one okay, and yes, i have some idea of what a proper wife is.
like the one that stays at home and takes care of the children and keeps the house clean and cooks and has dedicated her life to her family.
i mean, it sounds like a pretty sweet gig. *disregarding the fact that you have no purpose in life other than to serve others. if you can push that nauseating thought away, then being a wife is your calling my friend*

Budden, being the perfect wife isn't me
1. I'm selfish
2. I hate children, let alone volunteer to actually pro-create is against everything i stand for
3. I can't cook
4. I believe in equality. If he has all his limbs and half a brain, he can do his own laundry
5. I can make my own money thank you sir. Being pushed into a job ie 'the perfect wife' getting paid through 'the satisfaction of having a g-reat family' is hardly amusing.

I mean, no offense to all housewives out there la. Go ahead and serve your family. To each his/her own. I mean, who knows, at 30 I could be in a hospital bed, in labour screaming to the gods to come and save me....*shrudders*...and if that happens, you can been damn sure that i would've sat down for about a year before coming up with a sound, thorough and educated reason to put myself in that position.

It's officially the weekend in about 8 hours.
hello massages, red wine and a sleep by the pool

xL

immortality and a taste for acorns

1 day 9hours 15 minutes
is how much longer i have till the weekend, assuming i do end by 7 tomorrow *cross fingers squeeze eyes hold breath*

and all i'm going to do is sleep and tan and layan those who appreciate the weekend as much as i do. therefore, there is the mutual understanding that any streneous movement could result in spoiling the entire weekend...which we cannot afford.

UNLIKE LAST WEEKEND
where my human rights were ignored and i had to adhere to...
"moiiii ar...kencing sini. nak test drugs la. kalau takdee...then you boleh balik rumahh la...no need to panikkkk"
omfg.
so for 2.5 hours, we were stuck in poppy waiting to piss in little plastic cups. and girls cant piss straight into a cup, we are not equipped with hose like genitals which could have made this procedure swift, *clean* and somewhat more comfortable (if that is possible).
and this pissed me off.
not only was i tired (i woke up at 7.30am), i was pissed off because they wasted 2.5 hours of MY time where i could have been either drinking, eating or sleeping, violated my human rights & made me hate the system even more.
this is hardly going to deter me from going to clubs. in fact, im more determined to go out now just to blatantly show that i'm going to have fun and its not MY fault that in their time, the only form of fun was playing with chickens in their little kampung and spying on siti next door while she changed *perverts*
*end vent*

other than that, my life is going fine.
im even going to go 'swirl like a macdonalds ice cream' later

xL

A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal

rosebud has made it clear
that due to mounting credit card bills over the last 3 months that total to more than a kancil..lauren cant afford not to work

but thats okay, im not too much bothered with the prospect of working. really... (im not in denial or have crawled under my desk in a foetal position in my own little world)
even my slufaced ho bag DAYVEY-POO (big enough for you? note the color too) said that i would enjoy working and that i would take to it nicely.

i have.

its just that i love my sleep and and i believe honestly that i would work better if i was allowed to start after lunch and was allowed to have *some* wine at my desk. oh and if there was a bed for me to lie down in whenever i wanted, or even just a sofa.

its the conditions that i believe should be improved therefore maximising the potential of all employees....and i bet kl doesnt even have a union that i could voice my complaints to :(


see, its not that i hate the system, the system hates me.

xL

twentytwo:a dance involving little to no clothing

before i started posting this, i realised that the font that i *was* going to type in was the same font as the one i use for my job requisitions...and its only my second day on the job.

i can just see my social life melting away into obscurity...like those lemon flavoured bubble gums from japan that i bought when i was 10... *sigh*...i can just taste the artificial sweetness on my tongue.

i figured i might as well start a blog due to my new found boredom on the job and the fact that im bored of being a closet blog lover. i might as well dedicate that love to myself. it only makes sense. so to those that i haven't seen since i left melbourne at the end of april, my farewell in lexi, or mis amigas that i have left behind in europe..

here's what i've been up to (these are mainly the headers, there are tons of sub-headings, but i wouldnt want to put you through that and besides, i have to keep some things personal)

-went to espana and i found myself bitten by the travel-bug and am now planning my next escape into a realm where no one knows me and i know no one...panama/cuba in feb?

-found out that i can be by myself, survive and actually enjoy it much more than if i was surrounded by people.

-found myself passionately involved in up keeping my espanyol por que lleva a cabo muchas memorias y es una lengua hermosa

-surprised myself by falling in love again :)

-got a job, therefore making myself settle in kl for at least 3 months *sob*

-started believing in karma (the flow of good and bad energy)

-reconnecting to myself and really not giving two fucks what people think

-have found a new found love in wine

through these changes...i still-----

-reject being comfortable. just to be painful and make everyones life hell

-wake up every morning believing that there has to be more to life than this...hence my continuous need to change plans and my inability to stick to any.

-love him, who has painfully stuck with my nonsense (which doesn't seem to want to fade away eventhough im evidently maturing), my constant belief that change is good, my utter selfishness, my alcoholism, my admissions, my inability to compromise to the smallest of plans and commitments and the torturous ways of showing him i love him (ie the wailings and tantrums--im worse than a 2 year old). whoa, i totally suck :P

-love them. those who have held my hand and been my pillars of support through these transitions.

-love my little bull

-am too outspoken reinforcing that i really cannot give a damn what ppl think because i have all that matters to me close to my heart and from that, am blissfully fulfilled...that is, until i want to create a drama of all sorts

until the next time the daily grind gets me down and i feel the need to resort to venting my life's frustrations via a weblog.

xL