escojo no cuidar

so apparently the food at nero vivo aint that great
& short stuff is now going to plan our new years
*hands over all stress*
i choose not to care anymore
:)

i was looking thru all my photos from spain yesterday
cos im bored to tears at work
and oh my god
how i long to go back
just to not care at all, drink till im blind, eat till im stuffed and tan till im black
and do it all over again the next day

a few things have happened over the last 48 hours significant enough for me to be affected by it
its been a sick cycle of the same thing over and over again
there has been enough of shouting, crying and saying vindictive things
enough of the "what if's" enough of the "maybe-s" enough of the "we could've-s"
enough of the assumption of hope
enough of the skeletons
enough of hoping "that things will eventually work out"
enough of living for the future
so maybe its time to put an end to it
c'est la vie
its left me a little numb
not really caring, hurting or even willing to acknowledge
i know that denial is not part of the 5 step process of getting better
but i'd like to live in my whatever land at the moment
and drink till im blind, eat till im stuffed and tan till im black

anyways, ive thrown myself into a number of things to do from now on
and i will definitely die of exhaustion by christmas day
so merry christmas and if you dont hear from me by the 26th,
well....just leave it till next year then

xL