he had delusions of adequacy said kerr

i wrote an uber long post of absolute misery and despair
but i cant be bothered to publish it
because it's just another damned memory of my weakness

we all know what is going on
and you especially, had the chance to rectify it
and i'm telling you that you've lost your chance
im not waiting to be happy again with you
cos you havent made me happy in awhile
you last chance has been shot to hell
at least i walk away knowing that i tried

and on a happier note
im taking my own personal isolation trip to chiang mai
maybe that will sort things out
i havent travelled on my own in awhile
maybe i'll get some perspective back

and if that doesnt fall through
i have another holiday two weeks after
that has been planned, booked and paid for by hussy
we're all going this time
anini, aunty bunty, hussy, dec9th, and the pretend malay
and we're going to dive
and sit on the beach
and hopefully get some resemblance of sabah
cos sabah rocked our socks

*
i stand by what i said in january:

30. What is your greatest regret?
any regret i had before i realised that regret is the most useless feeling

and i wont regret what has happened because after the storm has passed,
i'll know better
or so they tell me

he had 24 hours
and now the role fool has been changed from me to him
i dont carry that label anymore
i have my own clean slate

xL